Honey Murder

I've mentioned my love of Dorothy Sayer's Lord Peter Wimsey stories. I recently discovered Busman’s Honeymoon (1940), a movie version of the last of the series existed. Not only that, but it stars Robert Montgomery and Constance Cummings and is available on YouTube. 

Montgomery plays Lord Peter, an aristocratic amateur detective and Cummings plays Harriet Vane, a mystery novelist who Peter wooed for 4-5 books. They are getting married, and they both swear that they will abandon detecting in favor of matrimony. Cummings mentions that she loved the old house she was brought up in, Tallboys in Cornwall. So Montgomery nips out and secretly buys the place for her.

The owner was William Noakes, a nasty and miserly sort. He meets with a number of people that night, all of whom he owes money to - and none are paid. 

The next evening, the newlyweds arrive in Wimsey's Dusenberg, with Bunter (Sir Seymour Hicks), their butler, tenderly protecting a case of wine. They can't raise anyone, although they expected to be given the keys and perhaps a bite to eat. Finally, they get a key from Noakes' mousy niece.

The next day they are settling in, trying to get the chimney to draw, meeting the Reverend, and so on. This seems to go on for days, before they discover Noakes' body in the cellar, bludgeoned to death. Will Lord and Lady Wimsey be able to resist detecting when a murder is found, right under their feet?

First, let me say that American Robert Montgomery is an odd choice for a British aristocrat. But we do like him, and if you ignore his American-ness, his light style works rather well for Wimsey. Cummings as Vane works better, but is a bit less interesting than she could have been. It was originally going to be Robert Donat and Maureen O'Sullivan, but the film was shelved during the war, and recast when things quieted down. It would have been a different movie, and probably better.

But what's here is quite enjoyable. The eccentric locals, played by some fine character actors (including Robert Newton, using his local accent), are fun to watch. It takes way too long to get to the murder, and the resolution is ridiculous - but it was in the original story. In fact, it's a famously far-fetched murder method. 

I guess it wasn't very good as a Peter Wimsey movie (although better than the last one we watched). But it was a fine as a pleasant, black-and-white cozy mystery. And it did have Harriet's beloved Tallboys, and Peter's beloved Dusenberg, and of course, everybody's beloved Bunter. 

Ashes, Redux

I really don't have a lot to say about Avatar: Fire and Ash (2025). There's a lot going on in this 3-1/2 hour movie, but not of a lot of it sticks. 

So, Sam Worthington in his Na'vi body, with wife Zoe Saldana is living with the sea people and his kids. They are grieving the death of one son at the hands of evil Stephen Lang. They also hang with Jack Champion, the gone-native son of Lang - Saldana kid of wants him dead for a pink skin. And Lang wants Worthington dead and Champion back on base with the corporate human faction.

The fun begins when the corporation meet the Ash tribe, a feral group who take nose drugs and deny the goddess of the world, called Enya (check that later). They are lead by sexy Geraldine Chaplin, covered in ash body paint, with a narrow belt for a bra. She is savage and hot. Lang likes her style, and recruits her tribe as allies in the war against the Na'vi, and particularly Worthington.

Then when Champion has run out of the oxygen he needs to survive, one of the family kids hooks him up to Enya Oyva Eywa, and he gets a new set of lungs that can breathe like a Na'vi. If mankind learns this trick, the Na'vi will have no chance. 

That's the setup. There will be a bunch of action scenes, and a lot of Lang and Worthington having to work together to save Champion. There are a lot of situations highlighting the differences and similarity between Marine and Na'vi warrior cultures. You know, they aren't so different... Oh never mind. 

Of course, the whole thing looks awesome. Every frame an album cover. the action scenes are very well done, with a lot of flying and some underwater work (calling back to the last big fight in the last movie). However, for some reason, I couldn't warm up to this movie - same as the last two. I guess it's in the writing. Somehow it fails to get me interested in any of these characters. Maybe because it's all over the place, overflowing with themes. Maybe it's because Sam Worthington is sounding (and his avatar looking) more and more like Mel Gibson (ugh). 

It's a puzzle to me. These should be my favorite movies. Instead, I enjoy watching them, get annoyed after the third or fourth ending, then forgetting the whole thing the minute it's over. Oh well, can't complain about sexy Geraldine Chaplin. 

Oh, wait, yes I can. Her character has a nasty habit of forcing nonconsensual ponytail contact - not cool girl. It even cool when Saldana ponytail rapes her in revenge.  

Room Reno

It was funny  watching The Doorman (2020) right after Hokum. Both take place mostly in a closed hotel. Not many other similarities. This is your basic one-woman army action movie. 

It starts with our heroine, Ruby Rose, as one of the guards in a limo convoy for a high government official and her young daughter. They are ambushed and massacred. Only she survives. Then she wakes up. SPOILER - this has pretty much nothing to do with the rest of the movie, it just establishes that she has PTSD.

Since she is apparently out of the Army, she needs a new job. Her uncle is a handyman in a New York hotel and gets her a job as doorman. The other doorman is a cheerful Slav played by Aksel Henning. Since the hotel is being closed for renovation, the job will be pretty easy. 

It turns out that her brother-in-law (Rupert Evans) is living in the hotel with his young daughter and teen son. The wife, Rose's sister, is dead, and she is not in communication with them. Her uncle set her up for a reconciliation. She does meet and the little girl is so cute, she agrees to have Easter dinner with them. The hotel will be closed, leaving with only this family staying over for the holiday and an older couple who can't easily move.

And so, with everyone else out, Rose comes in with a pie, and Henning kills her uncle in the locker room. Then he invites in Jean Reno and a group of thugs. He has business with that old couple. The old man has some paintings that he wants. The hitch is that he has had a stroke and can't remember where they are hidden. So this may take a while. And the search may include Rose's family's apartment. 

The rest is pretty rote. Some cat-and-mouse stuff. The little girl is taken hostage. The teen learns that fighting is hard. The hotel is locked up and comms are cut so our heroes can't get out or call for help. And so on. 

Reno is that well-mannered, world-weary and ruthless criminal. He also seems pretty checked out - doesn't really light up the screen. Henning is pretty good as a fun seeming guy who is a total killer. I like Rose a lot. She looks fierce and credible in her fight scenes. 

But, let's face it. This isn't a great movie. It is nicely stripped down - maybe could have stripped out the prologue - but doesn't break new ground. Oh well, I like a female-led action films, even when they let me down. But here's a question - does this count since Ruby Rose is gender fluid?

Maybe this should go into the "blue-collar occupation titled action movies" genre, like The Courier, The Mechanic and The Beekeeper. 

Haunted Hotel

Ms. Spenser has a cold, which means she doesn't have the strength to work, which means she gets to watch a movie - a horror movie: Hokum (2026).

Hokum starts in a desert. A conquistador with a treasure map in a bottle is trekking a wasteland, followed by a boy. When he feels he is close, he finds out that he can't get the map out of the bottle - and he can't break the bottle because everything around is soft. So he has the kid turn around, and gets ready to use his skull to break the bottle.

Then you find out that this is a story, being written by Scott Adams. He lives in a sterile, modernist house, and he's stuck on the ending. He decides that it's time to spread his parents ashes, and decides on Ireland, in a place where they were happy.

He shows up in Ireland at a little hotel and is immediately a jerk to everyone - the desk clerk, the owner telling ghost stories to the kids, the bellboy, the groundskeeper killing the goats that keep getting up on the parked cars. He is only civil to Fiona (Florence Ordesh), the bartender. She even helps him figure out the exact location of a great tree his parents visited. 

Out in the forest, he finds the tree and leaves his parents ashes - then discovers that he has an audience. An old hippie or bum (David Wilmot) is watching him, sipping magic mushrooms in goat's milk. Seems nice.

Back at the hotel, the bellboy chats with him, and tries to get him to read his book. Scott is dismissive, and finally burns the back of the bellboys hand to get him to leave. Later, when Ordesh wants to return his tape recorder, she finds him hanged in his room. She cuts him down.

He wakes up in hospital, happy to be alive. He wants to thank Ordesh, but she's been missing since Halloween. Wilmot, the hippie, is suspected. But when Scott meets Wilmot, he thinks she is being held captive in the hotel, possibly in the honeymoon suite. 

Now, the honeymoon suite has been locked up for a few years, possibly to keep a witch in. But as the hotel is going to be closed and empty for the off season, Jerry proposes that they sneak in when everyone has left and find Ordesh. 

As you can imagine, they get locked in, and the hotel is not empty. There is at least one human villian, and more than likely, some who are not human. 

It's more than a little weird watching Scott in a non-comic role. He starts out so obnoxious, you wonder if you should be laughing. In fact, a lot of the movie is sort of maybe funny, before it gets hairy. 

And it gets quite hairy. As usual, the witch is the least of the problems - it's the humans that are really evil (Ms. Spenser is tired of this, and prefers real ghosts and monsters). The setting, an old hotel with some hidden features, is used pretty effectively. I have to say, there isn't a lot of Irishism going on, but that's probably for the best. At the risk of spoiling -SPOILER- there is a possible explanation for all the odd stuff going on - mushroom milk. 

And in the end, Scott re-writes the end to his story. The conquistador offers his own head to break the bottle and he and the kid embrace. 

Down by the Ocean

I'd never heard of Celebration at Big Sur (1971) before I saw a mention on Reddit. So I looked it up on Youtube, and there it was. It was a commercially released film about a folk/rock concert that took place at Esalen about a month after Woodstock. The stars included Joan Baez, CSNY, and Joni Mitchell, but they weren't the only stars.

Esalen, by the way, is a holistic study center in Big Sur. They held a small yearly folk-oriented festival, but the one in 1969 generated a lot of interest, due to the sensation that was Woodstock. Because it's sort of perched on a steep slope above the ocean, there was only room for a few hundred people. There was no publicity, and tickets were an outrageous $4. Thousands showed up and camped out on the shoulders of Rt. 1. Surprisingly, the outsiders were pretty well-behaved.

Joan Baez sang a few autobiographical songs: Song for David, about her husband jailed for antiwar activism, and Sir Galahad, about her sister Mimi's second husband. CSNY does a rocking version of Sea of Madness, and Down by the River, and Stephen Stills does a solo acoustic 4+20. John Sebastian sings I'll Paint Rainbows All Over Your Blues. Joni Mitchell sings Woodstock (first performance?), although I question her choice to end with some scat-yodelling. Mimi Farina and Julie Payne do Changes, and Carol Cisneros does a nice Mexican tune, Malaguena Salerosa. 

The hottest act, however, was Dorothy Combs Morrison and the Combs Sisters. They are sometimes credited as the Edwin Hawkins Singers, but I think that's because she sang Oh Happy Day with them. She is a strong gospel singer and sings three or four songs, including Oh Happy Day.

Mixed in with the music are behind the scenes vignettes and "interviews" with some of the non-attendants outside the venue. "Interviews" in quotes, because mostly they sorted of pointed the camera at them and let them rap. A science teacher in face paint talked about teaching in schools and on the road. He liked schools because he gets paid and has tenure. But he has painted his school bus (with a big "Woodstock") and plans to teach on the road. He has a little boy playing harmonica so he can dance during the discussion. "Twanger guy" played two notes on his little folk instrument and kind of improvised a blues tune about visiting his friend in LA and driving up to Big Sur. 

Twanger guy also talks about how tickets should be free. Inside, a disturbed man rails against greedy musicians getting paid for the concert, so Stephen Stills comes down to discuss it with him. It doesn't go well. 

There's also a scene in the hot springs bath that Esalen is famous for, with some far-out harmony singing. One person, not a fan of the baths, calls them smelly, sulferous, and hot. In another, someone spots a whale in the ocean, and everyone crowds around the cliff-side, rather dangerously. And so on.

I wish we got to hear more of the music. It was pretty hot. All the stuff with the fans and outsiders was actually kind of fun - at least I liked it. But I'd rather hear more Joni Mitchell. 

One for Me

I mainly watched The Three Musketeers: Milady (2023) for completeness sake. It's a sequel, and I wasn't completely sold by the first entry. WAs this one better, or was I just in the right mood. 

It starts where the last one left off: Constance (Luna Khoudri) has been kidnapped and D'Artagnan (Francois Civil) knocked out. He wakes up, captive of Gaston, the King's younger brother and main villain of the piece. He escapes and goes off to search for Constance. He thinks he's found her, but it turns out to be Milady (Eva Green), shackled and chained. She promises that she can help him find Constance, so he breaks her out. Of course, she tries to seduce him, but he stays faithful to his Constance. 

After a few more fights, she tries again, literally ripping her bodice off. This time, he doesn't resist as hard - until he sees the fleur de lis branded on her shoulder. He then realizes that she is Athos' treacherous wife, supposedly dead.

Meanwhile, Aramis discovers that his sister, now a nun, is pregnant. He decides that the father is a soldier now fighting at La Rochelle. In fact, many of the characters decide that the next step is towards La Rochelle. 

The main thing I liked about this entry is the fights. There were lots of long, no cut, handheld scenes. These were well choreographed as well as well shot. The plots were a bit complex - maybe I need to more versed in French history. But Milady made a great femme fatale, sympathetic until she tried to kill you. Constance is missing from most of the movie, so she's not as much fun. 

And if you don't mind a SPOILER, it ends with Athos' son captured. So I guess there is space for a third entry. 

The Ghost Who Walks

I rewatched The Phantom (1996) because I wanted to see if it was as bad as it's considered - including by me. 

It stars Billy Zane as the Phantom, Kit Walker. The movie's prologue tells about how a young boy survived a 17th C. pirate attack off the coast of Africa. He was rescued by a Bengalla tribe who raised him to fight piracy and injustice. This role was passed down from father to son for generations, making it appear that the Phantom is immortal.

In the present day (well, 1930s), a gang of tomb raiders led by James Remar are driving through the jungle, Sorcerer-style. They get the skull McGuffin they were sent for, but Billy Zane in his purple skin-tight suit comes riding through the jungle on his white horse, aided by his wolf devil. There is a long, fun action scene, including a collapsing bridge and some vine swinging. In the process, we find that Remar killed Zane's father, and thinks he has come back to life.

Back in New York, plucky reporter Kristy Swanson is meeting her uncle Bill Smitrovich, a newspaper publisher in cozy walnut paneled rooms. She wants to investigate the shadowy business man Treat Williams. A spiderweb symbol links him to pirates in Bengalla, so she gets a plane to Africa. Unfortunately, thee pirates are now air pirates.

The pirates, led by sultry Catherine Zeta Jones, forces them down, and takes them to her Bengalla hideout. So now we've got two sexy women for the Phantom to dally with. 

When he gets Swanson back to New York, we find out that in his civilian identity, he went to school with Swanson, and they had a fling. But the smoldering attraction must wait on some more McGuffin related adventures.

This movie has a bunch of great action scenes, including a jump from seaplane pontoon to galloping horse. There are some beautiful jungle settings, great second unit photography, and the New York scenes have a lovely old-timey upper class warmth. The cast is great, including Patrick McGoohan as the ghost of Zane's character, and Samantha Eggar as Swanson's mother. There are even a couple of great animal actors. So why wasn't this great? There were air pirates, for goodness sake.

Well, Zane looked more than a bit goofy in the skin-tight purple outfit. But I think the main problem was that it was originally planned for Joe Dante, and he co-wrote a campy script. When he lost the film (due to budget issues), the new director, Simon Wincer, didn't seem to realize that it was supposed to be silly. With a little more self-awareness, it might have worked. There are still some humor, and we don't want Zane winking at the camera, but this needed to take itself less seriously or more. 

Still pretty fun. This is one of the movies that were chasing the success of Dick Tracy. Like The Shadow and The Rocketeer, it didn't quite work - but it's still worth watching. 

Selling Drugs in the Community

I love Michael Jai White, so I watch a random movie of his every now and then. Most recently, Oscar Shaw (2026).

Shaw (White) is a retired police detective. We meet him meditating at home, then dressing in a nice suit, boutonniere and everything. He walks down to the neighborhood bar to chat with the bartender (Isiah Washington), another retired cop. He meets up with his retired ex-partner Tyrese Gibson, who is meeting with a suave Cuban-cigar passing-out Columbian (who will surely turn out to be the big villain). 

But all is not well in his town. A Korean grocery store is held up, one owner killed, and a young woman kidnapped. He decides to investigate on his own, and try to find her. His sister wants him to let the police take care of it, but he won't talk to them. The chief forced him out of his position, making him take the fall for internal corruption. We see drug dealing and shootouts in the street, and like someone says to White, "things were safer when you were on the job."

I'm not going to run down the plot. This is a pretty lurid movie, with a lot of violence. And White, with his classy outfit, calm competence and meditation, is a great presence, maybe a bit over the top. But here's the problem: there is almost no fighting in this. He does disarm and shoot a roomful of baddies, but it ends with him disarming one last gunman by talking him out of it. Nice touch, but I want to see this talented martial artist dance.

I guess this was a fine movie, but without White's presence, I wouldn't have bothered. In fact, if I'd know they'd left out his martial artistry, I probably wouldn't have bothered. I'm seeing more of these movies (like Dead Zone), and it's bumming me out. I'll be more careful from here on out. 

The Apple, My Eye

I've listened to several bad movie podcasts about The Apple (1980). Or maybe just one, but it was such a bad movie, it seemed like several.

It's basically a near-future disco dystopia. The future seems to be controlled by the Global Vision Song Contest (an expansion of the Euro Vision?). An evil impressario called Mr. Boogalow (Vladek Sheybal) controls it from behind the scenes, along with a flamboyant Ruby Rod type producer. Their band is called BIM. They make a sort of neo-fascist disco new wave music, very popular with the kids. But the Canadian entry is an acoustic duet made up of Alphie (George Gilmour) and Bibi (Catherine Mary Stewart). They sing a sweet and heartfelt ballad, which would have beaten BIM, if they weren't sabotaged.

So Boogalow decides to co-opt them, and invites them to a big, decadent after-party. Alphie isn't into it, but Bibi is. Soon, Bibi is singing for BIM and Alphie is out. He is living in a tiny apartment, renting from Mariam Margoyles (Nursie from Blackadder). She convinces him to go after Bibi. 

He gets her free from the BIMsters, and they follow an old hippy into a cave below an underpass. After some time, during which Alphie grows a beard and Bibi has a baby, Mr. Boogalow finds them, and wants Bibi to finish her contract. What will they do?

OK, you asked for it. SPOILER - The old hippie shows up driving a Rolls-Royce through the sky. He is now cleaned up and called Mr. Topps. And he takes all the good people up to heaven, because he is the creator of the universe, and he's going to try again. This time without the evil Mr. Boogalow and his Apple (which really doesn't do much in this story). 

Well, this is a pretty incoherent story, but also, the music is quite bad. The dystopian aspect include cheap hologram BIM stickers that you are required by law to put on your face. So evil, so trendy. This is a Cannon film, written and directed by Menachem Globus. Let me tell you, he's no Roger Corman.

Colour Me Surprised

As a big Terry Pratchett fan, I was pretty psyched to find The Colour of Magic (2008). Discovering that the cast included Sean Astin, Tim Curry (recently deceased at time of writiing), Christopher Lee and Jeremy Irons was just a bonus. 

To start off, the story takes place on Discworld, a flat planet perched on four elephants, on the back of an enormous space turtle named A'Tuin. Scientists on the edge of the world are studying A'Tuin, and are planning to launch an extra-disc space expedition to determine A'Tuin's sex. This will become important later. 

We now come to Ankh-Morpork, the disc's largest and most corrupt city. David Jason plays Rincewind, the most inept wizard in the Unseen University. We meet him as he is being expelled. While he is failing to commit suicide, he runs into Sean Astin, playing Twoflower, a Discworld's first tourist. As a tourist, he wears a bright tee-shirt and speaks slowly and loudly. He also has a trunk on feet made of Sapient Pearwood that is filled with gold coins. Rincewind quickly signs on as his tour guide. 

At the university, the wizards are all vying to improve their standing in the hierarchy, and the only way to move is "dead man's pointy shoes." Assassination abounds, and Tim Curry, Trymon, is an expert, aiming to become Arch-Chancellor. One thing he'll need it to master the greatest spellbook in the disc, the Octavo. The problem is that one of it's eight spells is gone. It lives in Rincewind's head. In fact, it fills his head to the point that he can't master any other spells. That's why he was expelled.

So, Rincewind and Twoflower are running around the disc, Twoflower trying to see the sights, Rincewind trying to stay alive. But as a tourist, Twoflower is strangely impervious to danger, and the spell in Rinceworld's head seems to protect him. He keeps running into Death, but not dying. They get accidentally launched into space (as mentioned). They run into the most feared man on the disc, Cohen the Barbarian (David Bradley, now old and toothless, but deadly as ever. He even rescues a beautiful virgin from being sacrificed, Laura Haddock. 

But there seems to be an evil red star in the sky, and it's getting bigger. If only the wizards had control of the eight spells in the Octavo to save Discworld. Oh, well.

This "movie" is actually a two part series by the BBC, directed by Vadim Jean. He also directed the earlier Hogfather. That is a "Christmas" movie (or Hogmanny) and we watch it every year. Strangely, I haven't posted about Hogfather, but I have posted about this movie! Funny, I didn't remember that we'd seen it at all. Well, it was fifteen years ago. This post doesn't really add much, but I've already written it so I'll let it stand.

Hit Me One More Time

I remembered liking the remake (?), so I thought I'd give the original a shot: Hitman (2007). This version have Timothy Olyphant as Agent 47.

The agents are children, possibly genetically modified, raised to be assassins, with a barcode tattooed on the back of the neck. Olyphant gets an assignment to kill the Russian president Ulrich Thomsen, and to do it with a splash - he prefers to make it look like an accident. He completes the mission, but his superiors tell him that Thomsen survived, and also that a bystander, Olga Kurylenko, knows too much and must be killed.

But when he meets her, he can tell she had never seen him before. Then, someone tries to kill him, and he realizes that he has been set up. Kurylenko lets him know that Thomsen uses a body double. It turns out that the double ordered the hit on the real Thomsen, so he could take his place.

So Olyphant and Kurylenko go on the run, from both Thomsen and from the law.

As an action movie, this was fine - the action was about standard. It didn't feel quite as cool as I expected, although well-dressed bald assassins are always worth a few points. The best part was seeing logical, emotionless killing machine Agent 47 finding himself feeling for Kurlyenko. He is human after all. 

But I think I like the 2015 version better. I don't know if the director, Xavier Gens, wasn't up to it, or if I liked Rupert Friend better as Agent 47. Maybe it just had a better budget.

Fall of the Roman Movie

I picked up The Last Legion (2007) thinking it was either Centurion or The Eagle. I can never remember those titles. If it wasn't, I figured it was sort of based on the same Lost Legion story. It kind of is, but mostly not. Oh well, at least Ben Kingsley is in it.

It starts by telling the myth of a famous sword, forged in Britain, to be wielded by the ruler of the Roman Empire. Then we go to Rome, and meet Thomas Brodie-Sangster, a little Roman street kid, who sneaks into General Colin Firth's tent ot check out his sword. He is caught and is about to get his hand chopped off, when Ben Kingsley shows up, does a little kung fu, and takes him back to the palace. You see, he is actually the young Caesar, about to be crowned that day.

But these are the last days of the Roman Empire, and the Goths, led by Peter Mullan, take the city. They kill Brodie-Sangster's parents and are about to kill him, when Kingsley convinces them that he will be more useful as a hostage than as a martyr. He also uses some gobbledegook about omens and curses. So the kid and Kingley sent to prison on Capri. 

But Colin Firth and a few of his legionnaires are still alive, and are on the trail. With the help of a mysterious Eastern warrior, they set him free. But where can they go? The Eastern Empire has made a deal with the Goths, all Gaul and Germania are in their power, and only the famous 9th Legion in northern England is still loyal to Rome. So off they go.

But when they get to Hadrian's Wall, they find a desolate ruin. A nearby town has nothing but British farmers - or so it seems. Some are legionnaires who have married and gone native. After all, the empire deserted them. It's a good life, but they are threatened by a local warlord called Vortgyrn. This time, will they prevail?

On paper, this sounds fine - a kid's adventure, with lots of derring-do, great actors, and exotic locales. Sadly, it is not. Although there is a lot of action, it is all completely bloodless, to stay kid friendly, I guess. Kingsley's mystical character is hobbled by having him spout all kinds of pseudo-spiritual nonsense, sometimes in extended monologues. Nobody gets much characterization, except to be super evil or noble. The mysterious Eastern warrior I mentioned turns out to be a beautiful Indian woman trained in a martial art that doesn't exist. 

There was one instance of humor that I enjoyed - Firth is ready to fight off a three or four Goths, then four or five more show up, and he's still game. When a dozen more join the fight, he does this "Oh, for the love of..." expression that got a chuckle out of me. 

The end (SPOILER - Kinglsey is Merlin. The sword is Excaliber. Brodie-Sangster is Arthur's grandfather) is not bad. I liked the fall of Rome setting. Some kids might like this. I didn't.

Nuts in Mayhem

I picked Mayhem (2017) up on the strength of its category, Comedy-Horror, and its stars, Stephen Yuen and Samara Weaving. Good choice.

It opens with Yuen explaining the setup: a new virus has become pandemic. It causes a loss of all inhibitions, making people act out their every urg, including lust and anger. It turns at least one eye red, hence its nickname, Red-eye. It doesn't kill you, but someone else might. 

Yuen is a young idealistic partner at a prestigious law firm. When they are defending a man who killed someone in the grip of the virus, he finds the loophole that leads to a ruling of diminished capacity: Someone with red-eye can't be held responsible, even for murder. So he's become a big man in the firm.

He has a meeting with Samara Weaving, representing a group of home owners being foreclosed on. Yuen basically blows her off and has security escort her out. But it turns out he has bigger problems. 

It seems there was a mistake made on the Vanda Corp account, and he is being set up to take the fall. It was probably Caroline Chikezie, known as the Siren for whispering poisonous rumors to the higher-ups. They take it to the lead partner, and long story short, Yuen is fired. The HR goon known as the Reaper comes to deliver the news and has him escorted out.

But right about now, red-eye has been detected in the air system of the building. The building is put on complete quarantine. They are trapped - and also infected. That's one of the fun parts of this movie. I had guessed that it was one of those zombie movies, where our protagonists are the only ones who aren't infected. Nope - they've got it too. And they both want revenge. And until the quarantine is lifted, they have legal immunity to do it. 

And so begins their fight to ascend to the top level, protected by key card elevators and corporate goons. They arm themselves from a tool cage. Weaving looks particularly fetching wielding a nailgun. This all plays out with pandemonium in the background - people throwing folders in the air, copulating freely, fighting or just taking a nap. And of course, our protagonists are no more sane than the rest, just a bit more calculating. 

This was a fun gore-fest with quite a bit of social satire mixed in. I liked the fact that Yuen and Weaving were as affected as everyone else. Made for a little cute humor. We've seen one other movie by director Joe Lynch, Suitable Flesh. We liked the humor in this more.

Cat Fever

I probably saw Cat Ballou (1965) once or twice as a kid, but it was Ms. Spenser who clued me into how awesome it was - because of the Greek chorus of Stubby Kaye and Nat "King" Cole.

It starts with these two banjo players waiting for Cat Ballou (Jane Fonda) to be hanged, and telling her story in ballad style. Her story starts when she gets out of school, trained as a teacher. She got on a train to go see her dad in Wyoming, when she meets a convict (Michael Callan) being taken to prison and a drunk preacher. The preacher turns out to be the uncle of Callan, (Dwayne Hickman) and he helps him get free of his guard. Callan takes refuge in Fonda's sleeper bunk. She is too kind to scream, but he does take liberties - oh, well, he's soon out the window and gone from her life forever.

Fonda gets home and finds her father (John Marley) as cantankerous as ever. But his ranch is threatened by the developers of Wolf City. His only ally is an Indian, Tom Nardini, who he considers Jewish, as the Indians were the lost tribe of Israel. Soon the outlaws show up and are enlisted to resist the developers - until a gunslinger with a silver nose (Lee Marvin) shows up. Now, they're ready to face the law.

But Nardini suggests that they hire a gunslinger of their own. Based on the Western dime novels they read, they hire Kid Shaleen (also Lee Marvin). He shows up a drunken bum, barely able to hold his gun. But a big gulp of booze sets him right, and he's a dead shot. It lasts about 10 minutes before he's too drunk to function, as Callan says, "I've never seen a man get through a day so fast."

Sadly, he is sleeping it off when Fonda's dad is shot from afar. So Fonda does the only sensible. She takes her "gang" and starts robbing trains. 

This is a fun little comedy Western. Fonda is spunky and a little sexy - all the men are clearly in love with her, although only Callan courts her openly. In fact, Nardini quietly leaves, gently letting her know that as an Indian, he needs to stay away from her. It's also just a little darker than expected, with a few deaths taken seriously. I wonder if Fonda gets the drop in the last scene?

Kicking the Gong

Of course I've seen Stephen Chao's Shaolin Soccer (2001). But I guess I've never blogged it, so here goes. I got the urge to see it again, and got it from Hoopla.

It starts with Team Evil soccer star Ng Man-Tat throwing a game. The fans break his Golden Leg and his boss, Patrick Tse, refuses to pay him off. So he becomes a drunk. Many years later he comes across Stephen Chow, a Shaolin practitioner who wants to teach people to use kung fu for everyday living. But no one's interested and he's a ragged bum. Ng sees the power of his legs, and falls in with his plan. 

Zhao Wei is a young woman who uses her kung fu to make steamed buns. When Chow sees her, he is impressed (and steals some buns). He calls her beautiful, although she has terrible acne. She takes his worn-out ratty shoes as payment for the buns.

Now, Chow needs a team. He manages to convince his brothers, also kung fu experts in a variety of specialities, to join as well - there is an open entry tournament with a cash prize that seals the deadl. So they begin playing a demo game, and get clobbered, until they remember that they are Shaolin. Then they destroy the opposing team.

Also, Wei gets herself fancied up for Chow, but he liked her better before. She gets fired around her. But that may help her get her skin cleared up.

In fact, they go all the way to the finals - vs. Ng's old nemesis, Team Evil. It's a dirty game, and their goalie is taken out. They are about to forfeit, when Wei appears, with clear skin and a shaved head, ready to play.

This synopsis is sort of beside the point. The point is amazing stunts of kung fu integrated into soccer and other daily pursuits. The movie is often surreal - costumes might change arbitrarily, characters might comment on the movie they're in, and so on. That's not even to mention the impossible wire-fu/CGI-fu involved. 

It's also funny as heck. Maybe his best, edging out Kung Fu Hustle. 

Chan the Man

I went to another library book sale to pick out some cheap DVDs, including The Black Camel (1931), a Warner Oland Charlie Chan movie.

The movie is set in Honolulu, and at least partly filmed there. Movie star Dorothy Revier is making a movie, but seems distraught. She gets her psychic adviser, Bela Lugosi, to come and help her out. Her friend Sally Eilers is worried that Lugosi isn't a good influence. 

Oland as Chan enters undercover as a Chinese merchant, asking to see Lugosi. But Lugosi sees through the act, and Oland tells him that he is investigating the death of an actor a few years earlier. And then Revier is found murdered, and Eilers is acting pretty suspicious, especially since her boyfriend found the body.

I've seen a few Charlie Chans, and most have been stinkers. This one was much better. The location shooting is plain to see, not just because Diamond Head is in the background. It looked like there would even be a hula scene, but sadly, we only see some schoolgirls watching something that isn't shown. The comic relief wasn't Number One Son, but a police assistant (Otto Yamaoka?). His bit is to run in with a piece of irrelevant evidence, usually when Chan is in the middle of figuring something out. Oland tells him to go find something else, and he rushes off. It's a pretty good gag.

Lugosi is good here, as a suave psychic, and -- SPOILER -- and not the villain! All in all, very worth watching. 

Luc Besson's Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula

Did you know that Luc Besson made a Dracula (2025) movie last year? Us neither. But I was willing to give it a shot. based on that alone.

Dracula is played by Caleb Landry Jones. The movie starts with Jones going to war against the Ottomans, ordering his priest to tell God to protect his beloved Zoe Bleu. When he returns and finds Bleu dead, he kills the priest, renouces God, and so becomes a vampire. That's all it took.

He will use his immortality to search for the reincarnation of Bleu. Wasn't that the Mummy's deal, not Dracula? He develops a special cologne that women can't resist, so that will help with the search.

Much later, Jonathan Harker (Ewens Abid) visits Castle Dracula about a land deal. Jones is now in extreme old age makeup, with a wig very similar to the one Oldman wore in Coppola' Dracula. He sees a locket with a portrait of Harker's intended, Mina, and realizes that she is the one he has been seeking, Zoe Bleu come back to life. 

So he has his CGI gargoyles hold him prisoner and sets off the Paris for find her. A little blood, and he's looking like a young dandy again, and is soon courting Bleu and trying to get her to rmember her past life.

But Abid has gotten free of the gargoyles and found Father Christoph Waltz, vampire hunter. Not van Helsing, though. He was Jewish, Walz is Catholic. But will they be able to save Bleu?

This is a good looking but odd movie. The gargoyles, the perfume, the non-van-Helsing, and so many other details that don't quite belong. But other details seem to come from other movies, to the extent that I wondered if there were elements of parody in Besson's plan. 

But I think the main impetus for this movie was to allow Caleb Landry Jones to go wild, with multiple make-up and acting styles. We haven't seen him in much (X-Men: First Class), but he seems to be fun to watch. The rest of the movie is luxurious and lovely, but that might be more of the Coppola homage. 

Not a great Dracula, but not bad. I can see how Nosferatu overshadowed it. 

Downfall of the Goofer Dust Man

I've known about Scott Joplin as a brilliant composer of ragtine since at least The Sting. I may even have known that he composed an opera in 1910. But I just found out that Treemonisha (1982) was staged and recorded, and is available on Archive.org. So I queued it up.

This is the story of an educated black girl in a small Southern town in the late 19th century. It starts with a conjure man named Zodzetrick is trying to sell a bag of luck to Treemonisha's mother Monisha, who is a bit susceptible. But her husband Ned shoos him off, telling him that they don't believe in superstiition. Treemonisha arrives to give Zodzetrick a lecture on dnagers of superstition. 

The Pastor Alltalk comes and preaches to the people - and while he has them distracted, Zodzetrick kidnaps Treemonisha. They plan to throw her into a giant wasp nest, for the crime of opposing their conjure scam. 

But her boyfriend Cletus uses a scarecrow to dress as a demon, and rescues her. The third act is a big celebration, with Treemonisha pleading for the conjure conmen to be treated with mercy and released. Zodzetrick promises never to reform - but he does get out fast. 

Now, this isn't a "ragtime opera". It is mostly an opera in the classic European tradition, with some touches of ragtime, spirituals, cakewalks, etc (a little too early for blues). I loved the music in general - more than most operas, I would say.  But I should also note that the version I watched did not have subtitles. I can't understand "operese" very well, so I didn't get all the plot. But I did hear Zotzetrick refer to himself as "The goofer dust man, king of goofer dust land!"

But I did get the dancing. This production, by the Houston Grand Opera, was great, with some very impressive dancing, including a second act "ballet". 

So, a fun musical evening. Sadly, Joplin never saw a staged production, and his self-staged read-through with piano accompaniment lost him money. So glad we have this record. 

Master Class

I have never watched a He-Man or She-Ra cartoon, nor have I seen the Dolph Lundgren movie, But I do like big dumb action movies, so I figured I'd give Masters of the Universe (2026) a shot. 

It starts on the planet Eternia, a perfect land of beauty and heroes presided over by Castle Greyskull. Prince Adam is being trained by Duncan (Idris Elba) and his daughter Teela. He is young, small, unserious and not a good fencer. His father, King Rando, is ashamed. Then Skeletor and his army attack. 

Duncan, the king's Man-at-Arms, promises to hold the castle, but fails. At the last moment, the little prince is given the magic sword and tossed into a portal to Earth. On his way down, he loses the sword.

When we next meet him, he is a young adult played by Nicholas Galitzine. He is on a first date, telling the girl about his past, the story above. She leaves in a hurry. He works in HR, but spends too much time searching for the lost sword. He finally finds it the hands of a heroic statue in a comic book store. When he grabs it and says the magic words - nothing. The store wants it back, so he absconds with it.

But it looks like a signal gets sent to Eternia, because Galitzine is attacked by a beast man, and is in big trouble until grown up Teela (Camila Mendes) shows up to help, and takes him back to Eternia. But Eternia, under Skeletor's rule, is a burnt out dystopia. And Galitzine and Mendes are thrown in a dungeon.

In the same cell are a drunken wreck who turns out to be Idris Elba, and a robot janitor, voiced by Kristen Wiig. Galitzine recognizes her as a decommisioned war robot, and gets her to break them free. They meet up with the remaining loyal heroes. Galitzine remembers them from his childhood, but only by the silly nicknames he's given them: Fisto, Ram-Man, etc. It takes them a while to accept these, but I think it's cultural. After all, the enemy os named Skeletor and has a skull for a face, and his lieutenant is named Evil-Lynn (Alison Brie).

When they go up against Skeletor, Galitzine finds that he can call on the sword to become incredibly strong and buff. But he also wants to use the Earth skills he learned in HR: teamwork, communication, inclusivity. This is mostly just played for laughs. 

In fact, the general tone of the movie is silly. It's not all for laughs, but they definitely aren't taking any of this seriously. Sometimes it's characters striking a heroic pose and nothing happens - don't you hate that? A lot of it is making fun of the source material, like Galitzine telling people on Earth that he's a prince of Eternia, and having them think he's crazy. Or everyone hating their very basic nicknames. 

And I should mention the elephant in the room - Skeletor is played by box-office poison Jared Leto. And he isn't bad. His face is covered, which is a plus, and he reads his lines in a sort of greasy mid-Atlantic accent, sort of Vincent Price style. He's a good one for making villainous monologues and getting deflated. He met the assignment. 

In fact, most of the movie does. It doesn't do as much with Eternia as it might, but there are some backgrounds. I thought the humor and action were good, but not excellent. I'll compare this the recent D&D movie. Same idea, not as good. 

Dirty Dozen Minus One

11 Rebels (2024) is an interesting new addition to the samurai genre. Condemned criminals must hold a fort in exchange for pardons, in a Japanese civil war.

It starts with peasant Takayuki Yamada running home to find that his sister has been raped by a samurai. He finds the samurai with a buddy, drunk and pissing in the canal. So he kills him. He is quickly taken prisoner. 

Then we go behind the scenes. The local Mizoguchi clan is deciding whether to side with the old Shogun or the new Imperial Army. They plan to defect to the Imperials, but will need to hold one particular run-down fort to pull this off. They gather up ten condemned prisoners and offer them a deal: Defend the fort and be granted freedom. But if any one of them defects or deserts, they all will be killed. 

The group sets out under the leadership of two samurai. Some of them are killers, like a monster called "Cut-em-up". Some are gamblers and con artists. One is mentally deficient. It starts quiet, but they are soon besieged - by the Imperial Army, who they are supposed to support. 

At least I think that's what happens. Between the Mizoguchis, the Shogunate and the New Imperials, it gets a little confusing. Clan crests help a little, but just a little. I'm afraid I might have gotten some of the ten mixed up, too. Only a few had what I felt were strong characterizations. But that might just be me. 

The action was pretty strong, with a a decent amount of grit. Since the theme of this war was modernization, we see fights using firearms and cannon as well as swords. Also, the dummy turns out to be a fireworks expert, so they get to use some explosives. 

As a kind of Dirty Dozen pastiche, it didn't strike me as strong as it could have been. As a straight action movie, pretty enjoyable. 

White Jazz

King of Jazz (1930) is about Paul Whiteman, a man about as white as you can get. His music is also pretty white. It's not what we would call jazz - unless we are Guy Lombardo. But it was extremely popular, maybe number one in the US until Benny Goodman. This movie documents the peak of his power.

I won't talk about the plot - there isn't one. There is a cartoon, some numbers with his orchestra, some blackout skits, some small groups, Whiteman's rendition of Rhapsody in Blue, and so on. The musical numbers range from the sappy to - well, to Rhapsody, about as jazzy as it gets. There were also huge sets, camera tricks like double exposures, and the genial, avuncular and rotund band leader himself. 

One of the acts was the Rhythm Boys, with Bing Crosby, although only as one of the trio. That's about it for recognizable names, although Joe Venuti and Eddie Lang were in the band. I just didn't notice them (I think Lang got a solo - obviously didn't make a big impression.

The final number was about the American melting pot, and how it created jazz. He shows all the nationalities that came to America and influenced jazz: the English, Irish, Swedish, Scots, Danes,... Let's see, who are we leaving out? Hint: There is exactly one black person in the movie, a little black girl sitting on Whiteman's lap as a joke. 

But with all the racism, unjazzy jazz, and schmaltz, this was a fun watch. Whiteman is a charming presence, and his music isn't bad if you think of it as, say, operetta. And some of the production is boggling. One set has a giant piano that the whole orchestra fits on. Shades of 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T.

Streets of Venice

I picked up Casanova (2005) at a library DVD sale. How bad could Heath Ledger as Casanova be? Not bad at all.

It starts with Casanova as a little boy. His mother leaves him with his grandmother, and promises to come back. In the next scene, Heath Ledger is the grown-up Casanova. Mom is taking her time. 

Ledger, apparently incognito, walks through Venice, listening to scandalous gossip abouit himself. He visits his friend the Doge, who likes him, but lets him know that the church will force him into exile unless he changes his ways. So Ledger gets engaged to a beautiful blonde virgin, Natalie Dormer. 

But Ledger later runs into, and fall in love with, Sienna Miller. Miller is an intellectual, who secretly writes feminist tracts under a pseudonym. Since she abhors the libertine Casanova, he pretends to be his servant. Since her family has run out of money, she is engaged to be married to rich Patrizzio (Oliver Platt). So Ledger decides to reveal his true identity - he is Patrizzio! When the real Patrizzio shows up, Ledger and crew waylay him, tell him his hotel is closed, take him to a palazzo, steal his clothes, etc. The old sit-com run-around.

All of this is mildly amusing, and very beautiful. The movie was filmed in Venice, and uses it well. The actors are good looking, and include a few faves, like Jeremy Irons, Lena Olin, and Charlie Cox. However, I can't say this really stuck with me. The romance(s) struck me as a bit shallow (makes sense for Casanova), and the hijinks not fully "rollicking". 

All in all, a pleasant watch, but maybe not needed as part of my permanent collection. 

Abracadabra

Well, they finally figured out how to title a sequel: Now You See Me: Now You Don’t (2025). Except this coming after Now You See Me 2 kind of spoils the effect. 

This one starts with an underground Four Horsemen magic show in a warehouse. The four magicians bring a volunteer on stage, and then merge into his body, performing their tricks thriugh him. The big trick is to steal the phone of an asshole crypto-bro and distribute his account to everyone at the show.

After the show, the volunteer and two other young people are walking home. You see, the Horsemen were just deep-fake projections, the volunteer (Dominic Sessa) was an impressionist, the girl (Ariana Greenblatt) was an audience member who pickpocketed the phone, and Justice Smith was the hacker and behind the scene guy. We learn a lot of this because Horsemen ringleader Jesse Eisenberg shows up. He has a mission from the Eye, the shadowy magician crime-fighting organization. It is to take down diamond dealer Rosamund Pike. The rest of the crew won't be available - for reasons. Probably because Eisenberg is a dick.

Pike, with a fulsome South African accent, is the owner of the top diamond mines in the world. She keeps her prices high by converting dirty money from arms dealers and despots into clean gems. She owns the world's largest diamond, and displays it at a party. And of course, Eisenberg and the new kids steal it. And they get away because the other Horsemen show up: Jess Franco, Woody Harrelson, and Isla Fisher. 

So what next? A coded message directs them to a magic-themed mansion, where they meet Morgan Freeman, and search for clues. But the police show up, and half the group is captured. 

It goes on like this for a while, with puzzles, tricks, cold-reading and peril. It ends (SPOILER) with all the Horsemen (including Lizzie Caplan, who was replaced by Isla Fisher in the second movie) and the three new guys together, all back in the eye and ready for another adventure.

Will there actually be another adventure? Now You See Me: Now You Don't: 2? This entry was a bit tired, and maybe didn't hold together as well as the first two. I liked the new guys, but not sure if we really need eight Horsemen. The personal relationships didn't seem to be very strong. And the twists and tricks seemed a little weaker, although the finale was pretty sweet. 

We'll see. I'll probably watch it if it comes out.

Dragons All the Way Down

Just a quick note on Dragon Fist (1979), a Jackie Chan movie that Amazon Prime suggested the we "finish watching" = we auto-started this and you didn't watch it - why?

Anyway, Jackie is a student at a good martial arts studio, but another teacher shows up to challenge the master. This teacher beats master so badly that he dies. So Jackie takes his master's wife and daughter to go get revenge.

But when he gets to the other teacher's school, he apologizes sincerely, and reveals that he has cut off his own leg as penance. Jackie isn't really satisfied, but what can he do? Fight a one-legged amn?

So Jackie settles in with his late master's family. To take care of them, he goes to work for another master, and gets into the war between this guy and another master. When he figures out who the bad guys are, it might be too late.

This is a relatively early film for Jackie Chan. It's a bit on the dark side, with no real good guys once the master is killed. There aren't any jokes or funny stunts or fights. Some of the fights seem a little weak, although Jackie delivers throughout. Director Lo Wei is pretty influential (Fists of Fury), but I don't this is one of his best. It doesn't use Jackie to his best advantage. But still fun 

All for One

I'm a sucker for a Three Musketeers movie, so I was pretty psyched for the recent French version: The Three Musketeers: D’Artagnan (2023).

I should give a quick plot synopsis, but it's pretty much the story that you know. I also won't be listing the cast, because I don't recognize a single actor, except Vincent Cassel as Athos and Eva Green as Milady. A few points of interest:

• In the first scene where D'Artagnan fights in the inn courtyard, he is shot and left for dead, and has to crawl out of his shallow grave. The whole fight takes place in a rainstorm, and there is a lot of mud.
• Porthos tries to seduce D'Artagnan - yes, he swings both ways, sometimes with Aramis (?).
• There was a bit more Cmdr. Treville in this one - he even fights with the Musketeers sometimes. 
• It ends on a cliffhanger, with Constance abducted and D'Artagnan knocked out.

This was a decent swashbuckler, with some nice modern touches. I thought the amount of dirt, mud, and brown clothing a little excessive. But mostly I found it a little generic. Athos was olde than the others,  but Aramis isn't particularly handsome and Porthos wasn't that portly. D'Artagnan didn't have a lot of character either. Even Milady was a bit plain. 

A lot of the time, I found myself comparing this to the Richard Lester version, which was much more vivid, with stronger characters and clearer motivations. Maybe the problem was that I was watching in translation, and missing some of the subtleties. Maybe this just wasn't my style. 

But I'll probably watch the sequel. 

Ghost Face

This was a random pick Ghost Killer (2024) - Japanese action with a comedy twist.

It starts with a fight in an alley - four against one, Masanori Mimoto, in fast, almost silent hand to hand combat. Mimoto has defeated the four when he is shot.

Then we meet Akari Takashi, an ordinary college girl who works in a restaurant and has terrible dates with "influencers". On her way home one day, she notices a shell casing and picks it up. It came from the bullet that killed Mimoto in the opening. 

When she gets home, she meets her friend Ayaka Higashino, whose boyfriend has been knocking her around. When they go inside, she sees Mimoto in the apartment and freaks out. But Higashino can't see him - he's a ghost. It appears that he can't be released from the mortal coil until he can avenge himself. And he will need her help.

First, he shows her that he can help her. It turns out that he can take over her body and use his excellent fighting skills to help her beat up bullies like Higashino's boyfriend. He was a paid killer for an "antisocial organization". She doesn't like the association, but it does turn out to be handy. 

There are two things going for this movie. First is the fight choreography, by directort Kensuke Sonomoto, who seems to be getting a good name in the action genre, along with Yugo Sakamoto, who wrote this. The second is the "average college girl" dropped into the yakuza milieu. There are some cute scenes where she is punching someone out (under ghost control), and complaining about how much it hurts her fists. 

I enjoyed this, although I'm not sure how well they executed on this second part. Not sure they have the Japanese teen girl thing completely figured out. Or maybe it's me that's wrong. But the action was flawless. I'll definitely look up a few more of their films. 

Everyone Knows It's Windy

After watching Spinal Tap II, we had an urge to watch A Mighty Wind (2003). We mainly wanted to refresh our memory and then watch the commentary track.

This is a Christopher Guest mockumentaty, much in the style of Spinal Tap. A great manager of folk acts has died, and his son (Bob Balaban) wants to put on a memorial concert with his biggest bands: The Folksmen, The Main Street Singers, and of course, Mitch and Mickey. 

The Folksmen are Harry Shearer, Michael McKean, and Christoper Guest (same lineup as Spinal Tap). They are basically the Kingston Trio, three preppy guys singing train songs, phony calypso and of course, songs of the Spanish Civil War. 

The New Main Street Singers are basically the New Christie Minstrels, and have a similar complicated back story. The original band was a neuf-tet, a combo of a quartet and a quintet. The reformed around the one surviving member, and the new group includes a long-time fan, an ex-porn star, now witch, and Parker Posey, daughter of a founding member, taken in off the streets. Their sound is peppy and polished. 

Then there's Mitch (Eugene Levy) and Mickey (Catherine O'Hara), a romantic duet who had broken up years ago. I'm reminded of Richard and Linda Thompson, but more so to Ian and Sylvia. My reason: Mickey and Silvia (Love is Strange) x Ian and Silvia (Four Strong Winds) = Mitch and Mickey. After the breakup, Mickey settled down, married an catheter salesman and model train enthusiast. Mitch went insane - but he's doing much better now. He can koind of talk coherently and everything. 

Their big song, A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow, has them kiss at the last chorus. But will they on the night, or will they leave the audience hanging? Or will Mitch even show up?

Now, I was alive and a fan during the big Folk Music Scare of the 60s. I have continued to be, and it's plain that these guys love the milieu as much as me, or anyone. They get so many little details right. For example, when they are interviewing O'Hara as Mickey, the camera holds on her twisting the clunky rings on her hands. This could just be a character beat, but it also reminded me of Joan Baez, whose partnership with Bob Dylan was famously fraught. Just adding another layer. 

The music, by the way, was great - and the actors played their instruments and sang their own songs. In fact, they sang them live on film, and according to the commentary, some scenes used the first take. The members practiced alone, then came together to play the song, and that's what was used. Mitch and Mickey's Next to You is a particularly sweet song. 

This isn't even to mention Fred Willard as a lame ex-kid star, or Jennifer Coolidge as ... it's hard to say what she is. And many more great improvisors in tiny scenes.

A mighty good film. 

You Know, For Kids

The Blank Check podcast did their Coen Brothers series a while ago. But I still hadn't rewatched The Hudsucker Proxy (1994), and had the urge, so pulled it out.

It is set in New York, 1958. Tim Robbins is a recent college graduate from Muncie, Indiana. He has come to New York to find work, but everything on offer requires experience. But fate, and the city wind, blows an ad for a mailroom job at Hudsucker Industries. He is hired and introduced to the chaotic, rule-bound, cut-throat world of the Hudsucker mailroom. 

Meanwhile, in the boardroom at the top of the Hudsucker Building, the annual report shows that the company is thriving in all areas. But the chairman and founder takes this opportunity to climb up on the conference table, take a long running start, and jump through the window to his death. 

One of the directors, Paul Newman, realizes that the founders shares will be sold to the public in a months time. The board will lose control of the company - unless they can depress the stock price by enough so that they can buy up the shares. All they need is a patsy - a figurehead so dopey it will scare off investors.

While the board is brainstorming nincompoops, Robbins is tasked with delivering a Blue Letter - a top-priority communication between board members to be delivered directly into Mr. Newman's hand. But when he gets to see Newman, instead of delivering the letter, he shows him his big idea: a sketch of a circle. "You know, for the kids." Newman has found his patsy, or proxy. 

So Robbins becomes the President of Hudsucker Industries. The press is puzzled - girl reporter Jennifer Jason Leigh thinks he's a phony, just pretending to be an idiot. She goes undercover as another Muncie girl, looking for a chance to get ahead. It's right out of Mr. Deeds Goes to Town. 

Leigh is the hero of this movie for me. She does a brilliant Katherine Hepburn mid-Atlantic accent, while talking thirteen to the dozen in snappy patter. The newsroom scenes with buddy Bruce Campbell and editor John Mahoney are very faithful to the screwball comedies this is clearly referencing. I've mentioned Mr. Deeds, but you get plenty of His Girl Friday, and even a touch of The Lady Eve. I've heard that the Coens' direction was mostly, "Faster."

So this was a lot of fun, although maybe Robbins could have been a little less clueless. I'd call it lesser Coen, which just shows how good their films are. 

Chin Chin

As I mentioned, Ms. Spenser visited Ischia, Italy, which inspired us to watch The Talented Mr. Ripley. The movie was filmed partly in Ischia, which they called "Mongibella". Coincidentally, a local shop had an sale on some Italian blood orange juice, brand name Mongibella. So I bought some, and made a simple cocktail:

Mongibella

3-4 oz. blood orange juice

2 oz. gin

Mix in a highball glass with ice. Add

1 dollop of pomegranate molasses (can sub grenadine)

Top with sparkling water

Wrong Way

I've mentioned the Goes Wrong Show before, but it was only on a trip to NYC that I found there's a Broadway verion. 

And we just found Peter Pan Goes Wrong (2016).

The concept is pretty simple. An amateur theatrical troupe puts on a play and it goes wrong. In this case, a Christmas presentation of Peter pan, David Suchet narrating. But it isn't a pantomime ("Oh, yes it is!", "Oh, no it isn't!") Some of the things going wrong are obvious: the flight harnesses, for example. Everyone plays several parts, and the costume changes don't always work. Props fail. One actor is tongue tied, and one has a large headset so he can be fed lines. 

Some are more unexpected. Tinkerbell gets electrocuted by her light costume (the audience believes in fairies, so she gets better). Also, the actor playing Pan is put out of commission by a harness failure, leading to almost everyone taking a turn. 

But Pan lives, and so does the girl crushed in a prop. And the kid playing the crocodile, who no one likes, gets to save the day. And when David Suchet is crushed, the tongue tied girl reads the final monologue successfully. It's a Christmas miracle. 

Next time we're in NYC, we'll try for tickets. 

Believe It or Not

Some family news: Ms. Spenser (DOCTOR Ms. Spenser) just got back from leading a study abroad trip to Ischia, Italy. So she requested The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) when she got back, because parts were filmed in Ischia. It's a beautify island. It's a beautiful and terrifying movie. 

It starts with Matt Damon, the titular talented, playing piano for an opera recital at a fancy New York party, ca. 1950. James Rebhorn, the rich man throwing the party, sees that he is wearing a Princeton jacket and asks if he knows his son, Dickie Greenleaf. When Damon says that he does, he offers him a thousand dollars to go to Italy and retrieve Dickie, who is spending his time and his father's money lazing around and digging jazz. 

What Rebhorn doesn't realize is that the Princeton jacket was borrowed, Damon has never been to Princeton, and is a washroom attendant living in a barely furnished basement (although he can play piano). But Damon likes the money and the idea of a trip to Italy. He meets a rich girl at customs in Italy (Cate Blanchett), and claims to be Dickie Greenleaf. But he surely won't meet her again...

In "Mongibella" (actually Ischia), Damon arranges to come across Dickie Greenleaf on the beach. Greenleaf is played by Jude Law and his girlfriend, Margie, is Gweneth Paltrow. Damon claims to have known Law at Princeton, although Law doesn't recognize him. Soon, he has worked his way into Law's rich circle. 

When Law asks him if he has a talent, he replies that he is a liar, can impersonate anyone, and is good at forging documents. When Law asks for an impersonation, he does Law's father, freaking him out. Then he imitates Rebhorn offering him money to bring Law back to New York - putting his cards on the table. 

And so begins a three-way friendship between Law, Paltrow and Damon, living la dolce vita. Paltrow is attracted to Damon's seeming sweet naivete but Damon seems to be more interested in Law. Of course, everyone is interested in Law. He's a beautiful man who makes you feel like the most important person in the room - until he drops you. But maybe Damon doesn't just want to sleep with Law. Maybe he wants to be him.

An interesting thing about this movie is how Damon plays Tom Ripley. Although he is good looking and claims to have been to Princeton, he nonetheless plays him as naive and socially a bit clumsy. It's partly because Ripley is naive - doesn't even know how to ski, for goodness sake. But also because he knows it's endearing. It's a manipulative technique. Law is the golden god, unruffled by anything and ready for anything for a thrill. I had expected the roles to be reversed - possibly based on what I have heard of Purple Noon, with Alain Delon in the role. I guess director Mike Minghella made this version closer to the original Patricia Highsmith novel.

Being based on Highsmith, this movie is very gay, and rather closeted about it. And that leads to bad places. But by the end, it kind of looks like he gets away with it. 

Copping a Plea

Once again, JustWatch.com promised me a good action movie, and it turned out to be available as a free trial for some stupid marginal service. So I grabbed the first silly Michael Jai White I came across: Cops and Robbers (2017).

White plays a weary policeman caught up in a bank robbery/hostage situation. It starts with him facing off against the robber, played by MMA fighter Rampage Jackson, in a small house. The police outside listen to their argument over the open walkie-talkie. Then we go back to the start of all this.

Jackson rolls into a bank with a gang of mooks, takes hostages and generally acts crazy. Even his gang wants to know how he plans to get out. But he's confident he can do it. 

The usual hostage negotiator is held up by a suicide jumper. She is also White's psychiatrist - he's been on leave and just getting back. His hard-ass captain is Tom Berenger, who is willing to let him work this situation - especially when Jackson demands that White act as negotiator. And that's because they are brothers. Jackson went to prison while White went into the police. Now Jackson wants to humiliate White and the police in general. 

The action in this movie is mostly psychological, with a little bit of gunplay and almost no hand-to-hand. The filming has a hard digital quality that makes it look kind of cheap. Not that bad, though. I've seen complaints about the acting, but I didn't mind that either. I actually thought the whole brother vs. brother thing worked pretty well. The main problem is that it isn't as tense or clever as it probably wants to be. 

Want to hear a SPOILER? The twist is that the brothers were in it together all along. The bank robbery was to retrieve some information on police corruption. The psychiatrist was lured away by a phony jumper, because she knew that the brothers had recently reconciled. The fight in the house was staged, and there was a tunnel out. OK, that was pretty good, and it explained some of the rest of the movie, including, maybe, the bad acting. 

But it wasn't enough. The first two acts just weren't enough to make it worth it. A similar movie, Man on a Ledge, worked a lot better. And I don't think White is getting too old for a few fight scenes. 

TEOTWAWKI: AI

Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (2025) - sounds pretty goofy, huh? It's a sort-of time loop sci-fi comedy about the evils of AI, directed by Gore Verbinski. 

A strange man Sam Rockwell) bursts into an LA diner. He is bearded, disheveled and dressed in rags. He announces that he is from the future to save the world from the evils of AI. Nobody looks up from their phones - they've seen nuts like him before. So he reveals that he is wearing a suicide vests, and asks for volunteers, or he'll start drafting people. He knows that some combination of people from this diner can succeed in the quest, but he doesn't know which combination. He's tried this before, and failed all hundred-odd times. 

He finally decides on a small group, and we get to see some of their stories. Michael Pena is a substitute teacher in the same school as his wife Zazie Beetz. He tries to take away a kid's phone, and an app alerts all students that he is the Enemy, and the whole school starts chasing them. They retreat to the diner.

Juno Temple's son died in a school shooting. Her insurance paid to have a clone of him grown, but it wasn't very convincing. But an AI construct of his personality is so close, she gets addicted to the app. That app tells her to go to the diner.

Haley Jo Richardson is a girl in a princess dress with messy makeup. She was employed as a princess for little girls' birthday parties. She is very allergic to electronics, and little children are relatively electronics free - for now. Her boyfriend is a rebel who disdains electronics, until one day he tries a VR headset sent to them "by accident". Now he is addicted, and she runs away to cry at the diner.

With this group and a few others, Rockwell will attempt to get to a nearby address, where a young boy is about to develop the super-intelligence that will destroy mankind. But first, they need to get around the police blockade, because of the whole suicide vest/hostage situation. They will also face mysterious pro-AI warriors, and a monster or two.

This starts out as fun, but a little lame. Oh, yeah, AI will kill us all. Smart phones are destroying our minds. This movie started life as a proposed TV series, which explains the three character backstory episodes. There is a little bit of time-loopishness, but although Rockwell has done this many times, it's never the same twice. So even he is winging it. At least he gets to go back and try again. Everybody else just dies when they are killed. 

I'm not sure the end really worked for me, although it had a nice scope. And did they save the world? SPOILER - no. But maybe next time.

Tapping In

Spinal Tap II: The End Continues (2025) is another one of those legasequels - sequels of a property from long ago. Quite a few came out during Covid - Matrix, Bill and Ted, etc The appeal is partly nostalgia, partly that these are great stories. STII holds up for both.

Spinal Tap hasn't been talking to each other since the last movie. They all have new lives: Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest) has a young wife and a cheese and guitar shop in the country. David St. Hubbins (Michael McKean) is composing music for murder podcasts and hold music - he has even won a Holdie award. Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer) runs a Museum of Glue - after all, he was the glue that held the band together. 

But a video of Garth Brooks and Trish Yearwood performing Big Bottom goes viral. The daughter (Kerry Godliman) of their late manager inherited a contract that said Spinal Tap owed one concert, and that was now worth something. So she's got to get the band back together, and Marty Dibergi (Rob Reiner) wants to film it. 

They get a new drummer - after getting turned down by every famous drummer they could contact. Since no Tap drummer has survived, this is understandable. They head for New Orleans, where a concert cancellation gives them a venue, and start rehearsing. 

Things are very tense between Tufnel and St. Hubbins. It doesn't help when Paul McCartney drops by and agrees with St. Hubbins that the fiddly bit of Tufnel's new song should be dropped. Elton John comes by to try out Smalls' new song about death - Rockin' in the Urn and to play Flower People, then agrees to join them onstage for Stonehenge. And this time, they have a full-sized prop. Surely nothing will go wrong.

This movie might not be quite as funny as the first one, but it's pretty close. There's no "It goes to 11", although Elton John's "Fuck Spinal Tap!" is pretty iconic. The crew has lost none of their oddball improv skills. The music is great too, both the classics and some new material, like Urn and Small's Hell Toupee, performed with orchestra. I understand this is from a previously released album.

And, of course, this turned out to be Reiner's last movie, as the original was his first. Sadly, this meant that a planned third film, The Final Finale, will not be made. But this was a great bookend to a great career. Glad we go it. 

Wright Man

When I got The Running Man (2025) out of the library, it was because I vaguely remembered it was supposed to be good. When I saw director Edgar Wright in the credits, I remembered why.

It stars Glen Powell as an unemployed prole in a dystopian future. He is begging his old boss at. a foundry for his job back. He has brought his sick baby along for sympathy, and because he doesn't have anyone to look after her. His boss tells him that after blowing the whistle on the company for unsafe practices, he's never getting working there again. Powell gets mad, but controls it.

When his wife get home from her job in a hostess bar, Powell tells her about his plan to get enough money for some medicine. He'll go on one of the sadistic (sometimes deadly) gameshows that are now so popular. She reluctantly agrees, but makes him promise not to go on Running Man, the worst of them all.

He goes in for an interview, and they find him the angriest man who has ever applied. Makes him perfect for - guess what? Running Man. In this show, you are hunted for fun by a group of killers, while anyone can earn a bounty by killing you. Producer Josh Brolin tells him how much money he could make for his family for every day he survives, even if he doesn't live for the whole 30 day duration. So he agrees. At least, during the show, his wife and baby will be protected. The company promises that neither they nor anyone else will use them for leverage. 

And so he starts running. His plan is to go underground, sticking with the dregs of society. He goes to old buddy William H. Macy, who reluctantly helps him out with new ID and some disguises. He also gives Powell a contact in Bangor ME, well off the beaten track.

Another rule of Running Man is that runners have to send in a ten minute video every day. Powell's are so angry that he is beginning to get a following. The show's host, Colman Domingo, has to deride him as a dangerous, violent "welf" (welfare recipient), with a hooker wife and neglected baby.

Up in ME, he meets up with a Michael Cera, a sort of revolutionary. He knows the hunters are right behind Powell, and hopes they make it, because he has the whole house booby trapped. So we get a little lethal Home Alone-ing.

Powell is doing pretty well - lasting longer than most. So Brolin starts a psychological game, claiming that Powell's family is not safe. Maybe they are hostages, maybe already dead. nit sure what the point of this is. To make him madder? Just to mess with him?

On the whole I enjoyed this, but it was rather generic. There were a few Wrightian touches - like when Powell in disguise is standing in front of an animated wanted poster of himself, looking right and left as the poster does the same in sync. But they are relatively few or at least not noticeable. There are a lot of action scenes, but nothing much new or particularly stylish. Well, maybe Wright was going for a generic action feel. There is also more than a bit of politics, even a touch of One Battle After Another. 

So, a fine movie, good entertainment that isn't even that mindless. But maybe my least favorite Edgar Wright. 

Bridgerford Park Abbey

The elevator pitch for Fackham Hall (2025) is "Bridgerton in the style of Airplane! done by Monty Python". Not inaccurate.

It is set in majestic Fackham Hall after WWI. It has been in the family for generations (their mottto is Incestus ad Infinitum), but the families four sons, John, George, Paul and little Ringo, have died in the war (or in a bizarre strangle wank accident). Unless one of their two daughters marries the right cousin, they will lose the hall. Fortunately, older daughter Poppy (Emma Laird) is about to be wed. 

Meanwhile, orphan and pickpocket Ben Radcliffe gets a mysterious letter to deliver to the hall. But as he bicycles up to the hall, he is struck by a vision of beauty, motoring along the road. Struck as in run over, because she has fallen in love with him as well.

When he tries to deliver the letter, he is mistaken for a job seeker, and given a job as footman. Since the girl he fell in love with is Rose (Thomasin McKenzie), younger daughter of the family, he'll do whatever he can to be close to her.

Laird's wedding to her cousin is presided over by Jimmy Carr, who gets some of the best jokes in. But she impulsively refuses to marry him, because she is in love with a filthy door-to-door manure salesman. Now it's up to McKenzie. If she doesn't marry her cousin, the family will lose the hall. If she does, she'll Radcliffe. This becomes pressing when her father is murdered, so the hall will now pass to the nearest male heir, the cousin.

The plot is pretty familiar - of course, since this is a parody. You might even guess where the orphan Radcliffe came from. There are bits of Gosford Park, along with Bridgerton, Upstairs, Downstairs, and Downton Abbey. Of these, I've only seen Gosford Park, so I'm sure I missed some bits. Fine gags abound, like the family worrying the Cyri the butler is listening to their conversation, like Alexa the maid. Some are surreal, like when they are duck hunting, and shooting down foxes and deer from the sky. Also, father is repeatedly shot, without consequence, until his murder later. He is killed, by the way, by being stabbed, shot, poisoned, and drenched in acid. Probably an accident.

Carr, as parson, has the best set of jokes. As part of the wedding service, he says things like, "Know that God is with us, and Jesus is gay." Pause, try again. "Know that God is with us, and Jesus is. Gay though we are..." Carr is one of the writers, and I'll bet he wrote this stuff for himself. 

This was a lot of fun, with great production values. I did feel that the joke density wasn't quite what I had hoped for - not quite ZAZ levels. But enough yuks for me, and it's great to see a clever comedy so well executed. 

Silly Killer

We were pretty psyched for Predator: Badlands (2025) after the success of Prey. It was great, but a whole different thing.

This one takes place on the Predator home world, Yautja Prime. Scrawny pred (or "Yautja") Dek has been cast out as a weakling, and his brother suggests that he should go to the death planet ad bring back a Kalisk, the most dangerous prey of all. Then their father shows up, and kills the brother for being soft on Dek. But before dad gets to kill Dek, he takes off for Planet Death.

He crashlands due to asteroids and bad robo-piloting. He meticulously sets out his weaponry, and then gets attacked by the local wildlife - losing most of his weapons. But he meets up with Thia (Elle Fanning), a Weyland-Yutani robot who is missing her legs. She proposes to help him find the Kalisk, and her legs in the process. So Dek straps her to his back and away they go. 

On the road, they meet a cute little big-eyed pug/frog/armadillo, who Thia names Bud. He rolls up into a ball to roll through the razor grass. Thia insists that they share some of the meat that Dek hunted, earning Bud's trust - which he displays by spitting on Dek. 

We also meet Thia's "sister" (also Elle Fanning), another synth. She has been revived by the company to complete the mission - to capture the Kalisk as a bio-weapon. Unlike Thia, she is cold and well-brainwashed. So who is the real villain in this movie?

I went into this pretty much blind - I only the posters of a predator with a legless body strapped to his back. What I didn't realize was how goofy it was going to be. Thia is a sweet-natured emotionally mature chatterbox. Bud is a cute animal sidekick, and Dek even has a few goofy moments, like when he learns about alpha wolves. 

Another interesting factor is that, although it has all the gore of any Predator movie, there are no humans in the movie. Only synths and monsters. So the pred can kill with abandon, and nobody feels bad. But that makes this less of a horror movie, and more of a fun adventure. 

And the last scene is a hoot.

So, a goofy Predator movie. Very different from Prey, which is pretty serious. I like it - but I hope this isn't going to be the direction for the franchise. Superhero movies were saved by silliness, and now they are all silly. Keep changing it up, Predator people!

Real Kids

Finally got aroiund to watching A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001). I'd been putting it off because it's quite long, and also I expected it to be emotionally devastating. Right again.

It starts with an info-dump. Global warming has lead to eco-catastrophe. Shorelines are flooded, population decimated. Of course, rich countries are fine. Just a little short of cheap labor. Robots help with that. Then we have robotics scientist William Hurt proposing the design of robots that love us - not sex-bots, but a real emotional connection. But, he asks, will we love them?

Sam Robards and Frances O'Conner have a young son in a coma. One day, Robards comes home with a proposition: The robotics company he works for offered him a robot kid, fully capable of loving. It's Haley Joel Osment. O'Connor is appalled at first but comes around to the idea, and uses to code for him to imprint on her. Now he will love her forever.

But something wonderful happens - their son gets better. And so he comes home, and he's not too happy about the robot. He doesn't exactly bully him - he has his mother read him Pinocchio, sort of to taunt him. He encourages him to do some things that go wrong. Soon the parents are worried about their sons safety. Osment has got to go. And since he has been imprinted on O'Connor, he must be destroyed. 

And so O'Connor drives Osment to the robot factory. She is silent, he is just happy to be with his mother. But she can't give him up to be destroyed. So she dumps him like a kitten, tearfully telling him she will never see him again, as he begs her not to go. 

So begins his journey through this new world. He is picked up by a band of robot hunters and taken to a Flesh Fair, where anti-robot humans gleefully destroy robots in a monster truck rally/tent revival show. There he meets Gigolo Joe (Jude Law), a sexbot who sort of takes him under his wing. 

He survives the fair, and goes on a search for the Blue Fairy, who he has learned from Pinocchio casn turn him into a real boy. Things get pretty crazy.

SPOILERS! The search takes them to flooded New York City, where he meets Hurt. Hurt shows him how successful his design has been - rooms full of Osment robots. Osment discovers that he is not at all special, and certainly not a real boy. But he later finds the Blue Fairy - a statue in the submerged Coney Island. And so he prays to her - for two thousand years, as an ice age freezes him solid. 

He is revived by a race of Brancusi-like (I think I mean Giacometti?) humanoids (I thought aliens, but Wikipedia says robots). Humanity has become extinct, and he is the last being who knew them personally. They clone his mother for him, to give him one perfect day. They spend it alone together, then they go to sleep together - forever.

As expected, the mother/"son" stuff is heartbreaking. It's interesting in light of what I've heard about Spielberg's mother from The Fabelmans. The design work is great, more understated than, say Minority Report, but of similar quality. But honestly, I would have appreciated more adventures, more exploration of the flooded world, and less mother/son stuff. Look, it's a long movie, let's keep things moving. 

Barbaric Yawp

Here's how I came to watch Red Sonja (2025). It started with Conan comics, issue 5 or so. I fell in love with Barry Windsor-Smith's art, and soon found his Red Sonja. And what comics-loving little boy doesn't love a warrior woman in an steel bikini? Later, I got into the Conan movies, and loved Red Sonja with Brigitte Nielsen (while understanding that it wasn't very good). So was pretty psyched for a new, maybe better version.

It stars Matilda Lutz as Sonja. She lives with her Hyrkanian tribe in the forest, at one with nature. But a horde of barbarians come and destroy her village, and the people have to scatter. She grows up alone, always searching for her people, worshipping their nature goddess. 

She comes upon a hunting party capturing and torturing a horned monster for the gladiatorial arena. But when she tries to free it, she is captured as well. She is sent into the arena with the worst weapons and a chainmail bikini. She's told that it won't protect anything, but the crowds will love it. 

Well, she escapes, chased by Emperor and mad assassin (Wallis Day), finds her people, blah, blah, blah. It's all pretty generic, especially Sonja being in tune with nature and all. But I don't really mind that. My major beef is that Lutz just doesn't impress me as a warrior. Nielsen wasn't much of an actress, but at least she looked fierce. I want some of that for Sonja. In fact, there nobody struck me as impressive - maybe Wallis Day. The monsters were kind of cute - there was a Harryhausen cyclops - but not great. There were some mandrill men, but they didn't come to much, just added a little color. Oh well. We kind of liked director M.J. Bassett's under-the-rsdar Solomon Kane. 

We watched Deathstalker (2025) mainly because Patton Oswalt was the second lead. We were only aware of the Deathstalker franchise from the MST3k riff on the third one, so we figured a remake was going to be fun. And we were right. This movie did not take itself seriously at all. It is full of info dumps about how the Dreadites of Abraxeon were working for the evil Nekromemon - We could never see the name Nekromemnon without laughing. 

It stars stuntman and model Daniel Bernhardt as Deathstalker. He starts out stealing the magic thingie from a corpse (well, he was coughing up blood) on the battlefield. As he walks in a nearby tavern, everyone fears him - but they can't say his name without being interrupted by a giant two-faced monster who wants the MacGuffin. He kills the monster, but throws away the MacGuffin. 

But the MacGuffin won't be thrown away. It keeps re-appearing in his pockert He needs a wizard to remove the curse. Enter Draedalad - a tiny wizard with a rubber mask, played by Laurie Field but voiced by Oswalt. He's not much of a wizard, but he's all we've got. 

There are two things that I loved about this movie, aside from the obvious joy they got from stupid sword and sorcery names. One was Bernhardt - he has a long lined face, looking something like Danny Trejo, or even Dave Grohl. He has a nice deadpan delivery, and serious martial arts chops. The other was all the practical creature and gore effects. Director Steve Kostanski is known for that kind of thing, like sawing people's heads in half. Unfortunately, this was mostly too gross and slimy for Ms. Spenser, who decided to listen only. He even put some fighting skeletons in (I think CGI, but still a nice tribute).

 So my advice is: Deliver on action and special effects. Don't take yourself too seriously. Should be enough for us. 

The Chosen

We've been watching old TV concert serties shows as our dinner viewing, like Midnight Special (Wolfman Jack Aooo!) One of the things we noticed is how great Teddy Pendergrass is. That made Ms. Spenser think of Choose Me (1984), where he sings the theme song, and quite a bit more.

After a nice title sequence set outside a sleazy nightclub named Eve's, we meet Keith Carradine. He is being released for a mental institution, primarily because they need the room. He heads for Eve's, looking for the Eve. That would owner Leslie Ann Warren - but she's not his Eve. His Eve is dead, and Warren bought the bar because it had her name. Carradine also meets Rae Dawn Chong, who reads him bad, horny poetry and generally acts weird.

Intercut with this is Genevieve Bujold as a radio relationship counselor, Dr. Love. She has a deep, sexy voice, but a detached, rational approach. It turns out that Warren has been calling into the show and talking about how messed up her love life is. 

Bujold is moving in with Warren as a new roommate. Since she works days and Bujold nights, it should work out. But Bujold's call to her psychiatrist (she'll only talk to him on the phone) hint that she may have some kinks that don't show up on her show. 

It turns out that Chong is married to a Euro-trash gangster, and he is sleeping with warren, who also has a fling with her bartender, John Laroquette. Carradine winds up sleeping with Chong, Bujold and Warren. And he always asks a woman to marry him if he kisses her - or as he says, he only kisses women he wants to marry. But he also tells people he was an air force ace, combat photographer, spy, Yale professor of English, etc. So you don't have to believe him. 

And this all takes place in 80s LA. It has a sort of La Ronde feel, with everyone making love in many combinations. Dr. Love is everywhere on the airwaves, and all the women love to listen to her, and imagine what she is like. And all women fall for Carradine, because he seems to be a terrible liar and the only honest man. 

He is a lot of fun in this. He goes through the movie with a lopsided Jack Nicholson grin (or maybe a cuter Steve Buscemi). He wanted to find his last great love, but has a plan to go back to Las Vegas, gamble up a stake and move on from there. Will he be able to find a woman to share this plan with?

We saw this back in the 80s, on VHS, not in theater. The delirious, love-and-neon drenched atmosphere was intoxicating then. Now, 40 years later. it still delivers.

The movie was directed by Alan Rudolph (Love at Large). Super-agent Shep Gordon (Supermensch) wanted him to direct a music video for Pendergrass, who had just been paralyzed in a car crash and needed money. Rudolph told him that for a few more dollars, he'd make it a feature. Rudolph even took a directing job no one else wanted so he could pay for a few more Pendergrass songs that Gordon didn't control. I hope it worked out well for them.