Foo Barbecue

Studio 666 (2022) is just such a perfect concept for a movie: Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters make a record in a haunted murder mansion in LA; mayhem ensues. And we are even FF fans.

It starts in the past with a woman being brutally murdered in a room with a bunch of corpses. The killer then puts a rope around his neck and jumps out a window.

In the present, the Fighters are in a conference with their record label. Their manager wants to know when they will be recording their new record. Grohl wants it to be special, since it will be their tenth. He wants to record someplace cool. Their manager knows just the place. He doesn't tell them its the murder mansion from the opening.

When they get there, the band is dubious. But when Dave sets the drums up in a corner of the living room, and adjusts them just right, there's an eerie ominous sound that intrigues him. So they decide to go for it.

First, Dave tries to demo some new riffs, but they are all old riffs from their hits. (Ms. Spenser had to clue me into that gag.) Then Dave starts seeing a mysterious figure with gardening shears, and eventually tracks him to a cellar that contains a crucified raccoon, an evil book, and a tape from the band who a died in the opener. He decides to use the song from the tape for the new album - because he is possessed! By evil!

So while the band farts around, members start dying. Like I said, mayhem ensues.

This is a pretty funny movie, not with real jokes, just the Fighters being goofy. Pat Smear (who I vaguely knew from the Germs) doesn't get a room and has to sleep on the kitchen island. Rami Jaffee is into New Age crystals and getting it on with the lady next door. Everyone rags on Dave for not being able to barbecue a hotdog. And so on. It's also super gory - not just people being chainsawed in half, but things like the vivisected, crucified raccoon. 

It's clear that the guys can't act, but that doesn't matter, because they are mostly just hanging out, being themselves (actually, Pat maybe can act - he was certainly the most interesting presence). I imagine I would have loved this if I knew much of anything about these guys. But I think the thing that makes this all work is that Grohl is so wholesome - he's a metal punk, but also kind of a dad. That makes all the killing and evil so much more funny.

Sad to say, there wasn't a ton of great music in this - wish there was more of the guys playing and maybe less killing.

Also, sad to hear that Taylor Hawkins passed away not long after this was released. He had a pretty good part, almost made it to Last Guy.

Like the Universe and Human Stupidity

I really am souring on the modern action movie. But somehow, I wound up watching Infinite (2021), directed by Antoine Fuqua.

It starts about 30 years ago, with a ridiculous three-way car chase - ridiculous like jumping off an unfinished elevated highway onto a crane. Then it looks like everyone involved dies.

But we already know what's going on - because we get a voice-over. It seems that some rare people remember their previous lives: the Infinites. But some hate this and want to get off the cycle of rebirth. But they aren't Buddhists. They are the Bad Guys.

In the present day, Mark Wahlberg is a broke guy with some psychosis - voices in the head. He can't afford his anti-psychotics or rent, but he does have a forge that allows him to make old-style samurai swords. Somehow he just knows how - and so do we, due to VO. He trades the sword to a skeevy dealer for chlorpromazine. Of course, if he sold the sword (for a lot!), he could buy the ... oh, never mind.

Of course, it all goes bad, there's mayhem - it turns out Wahlberg is also a martial arts master - and the police pick him up. In jail, he meets Chiwetel Ejiofor, who seems to know him - or knew him in another life. He gets Walhberg to start remembering too. Then a car slams through the jailhouse wall and Sophie Cookson rescues him. Because Ejiofor is a Bad Guy.

To get Walhberg's memories back, they take him to the Artificer, who turns out to be Jason Manzoukis! Now we're having fun. Zouks has been spending his many lives having fun, doing drugs, building stuff, as you should. He does something extremely dangerous and to his surprise, it works! Now they can go get the MacGuffin, etc. 

Our main problems with this were logic. For ex, the Bad Guys have invented a gun that absorbs your soul so that you won't be reborn. Now, their whole problem was not wanting to be reborn, so problem solved, right? Nope, they are still dedicated to wiping out all life on Earth, for reasons. We also aren't really taken with the more recent Wahlberg productions. As he has gotten older, he has gotten a haggard look, like someone who's gained and lost weight to many times. Like a Kevin Bacon? But not as talented. 

Still, it did have a great role for Manzoukis, and didn't run for more than 1 hour 40 minutes. So it wasn't all bad. 

Everything and More

Just from the cast list, we knew we wanted to see Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) - actually, Michelle Yeoh was enough.

It starts with Yeoh as a harried, stressed out owner/operator of a coin laundry somewhere in America. She is trying to get things together for an IRS audit, while her her husband (Ke Huy Quan, who played Short Round and Data in Goonies) tries to get a moment of her time. Her traditional grandfather (James Hong) is visiting from China, and her daughter (Stephanie Hsu) wants her to acknowledge her lesbian girlfriend. Also, there's always some problem in the laundry that needs looking at. She can't stop for anything, not even her husband - who we find out is trying to serve her with divorce papers.

But in the elevator on the way to the IRS audit, Quan suddenly changes. He is no long mild and goofy, but serious and focused. He tells her that there are many universes, and he comes from one of the main ones. They are all threatened by a villain called Jobu Tupki. He suggests that instead of going to the audit, she turn into the janitor's closet and wait there. Then he goes back to normal.

She assumes this was a hallucination and heads to the audit with her whole family. The auditor is Jamie Lee Curtis, done up as Cathie the Secretary from Kids in the Hall. She is brutal and bitchy. Yeoh is doing the best she can, but she's suddenly drawn into the janitor's closet, where cool-Quan continues to explain. It seems that Jobu Tupaki has been to too many universes, can control all reality and has developed a case of nihilism. Nihilism! Fuck me. Tupaki has started a cult based on the Everything Bagel, which really does contain everything - and will soon consume the whole multiverse.

Then she snaps back to the audit, and is accused of daydreaming. After a bit of this, she attacks Curtis, security comes, and it becomes an ongoing firefight.

So Yeoh starts bouncing around different universes, including one where she and Tupaki are telepathic rocks, and one where people have hot dogs for fingers. In that universe, Yeoh and Curtis are lovers. She also meets Jobu Tupaki, who is her daughter Hsu from another universe. And, by the way, gets the most radical fashion fits ever. 

She even finds herself in a universe like ours, where she is a martial arts movie star, and Quan, who she never married, is a billionaire businessman. That turns out to be useful, because our Yeoh can use the martial arts powers that Yeoh and other hers have in other universes. When she needs knife skills, she takes them from a Yeoh that works at a Benihana. Oddly, this is the universe of Raccaccoonie, the movie about a chef with raccoon under his hat who controls his movements. 

And so much more. Everything, in fact.

I have a few complaints about this movie. For one, the googly eyes don't really ever pay off. For another, the idea is that the main Yeoh is a fuck-up, a dreamer and a loser. And she's Michelle Flipping Yeoh! Hard to get your head around. Also, Quan's personality is a little underdone - he carries it more through acting than the writing. 

But overall, this is wonderful. Aside from Yeoh and the Daniels ' writing and directing, it makes a great entry into the Multiverse of Marvel movies. 

Rough Beasts

I don't know why we bothered watching Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022). We kind of liked the first one, can't remember a thing about the second. I guess it's because my favorite part was Dan Fogler and the love of his life, Queenie (Alice Sudol), and I heard they played a major part in the new one.

Let's see, it starts with Mads Mikkelson as Grindlewald meeting with Jude Law as Dumbledore meeting. Although the one is evil and the other good, they are clearly in love, and create a magical set of amulets that will prevent them from using magic against each other. 

Newt (Eddie Redmayne) gets involved in China, where he witnesses the birth of a Qilin (which I guess is a Kirin in Japanese?). This most innocent and holy animal is killed by Grindlewald's faction, and the calf is stolen. But Newt gets it's twin.

There's a lot of international stuff, including a lot of action in Berlin, just pre-war. Grindlewald has corrupted the International Wizard's Union and gets himself elected Head Wizard. In the background, he is corrupting the Qilin by bathing in blood and stuff. This zombie Qilin will vouch for him as being good.

Dumbledore is more or less sidelined, so he gets a team together including Redmayne and Fogler to fight the baddies. Fogler has been moping around his bakery missing his girl, but when he catches up to her, he gets snubbed. Turns out she has been turned by Mikkelson. 

So Fogler gets a bit to do, but not much. He also doesn't seem as perfectly period as I thought. Sudol as Queenie doesn't get to do much, and her heel-turn is kind of unexplained. That was disappointing. Also, the animal cruelty is a bit hard to take. Not to mention the Nazi stuff that is presumably being ignored in the background.

Or maybe it was actually referenced. I guess I wasn't paying much attention. I'm not sure we're going to bother with the next one. 

Swiss Miss Take

I had pretty much decided never to watch Swiss Army Man (2016), but then directing team The Daniels made that new Michelle Yeoh movie, so we went ahead. 

It starts with Paul Dano starving on a deserted island. Then he sees someone wash up on shore - at last the loneliness is over. But no, it’s Daniel Radcliffe and he’s dead. Dano goes back to trying to kill himself as the body washes back out to sea. He notices that the farts from the decomposing corpse are sort of propelling it around the surf and gets an idea. He climbs on board, lowers Radcliffe’s pants, and rides him to the mainland like a fart-propelled jet ski. 

On the mainland, he still can’t find civilization. He also can’t bring himself to abandon Radcliffe. Aside from “companionship”, the body turns out to be very useful - it’s stomach is full of clean drinking water. It’s dick operates as a compass. And finally, it learns to speak. 

The talking corpse doesn’t remember anything about life, and Dano tries to teach him. Before long, he is telling him all about his sad, lonely life in the big city, and the woman he saw everyday on the bus, but never spoke to. The discussions turn to role playing, and Gillian’s Island style reproductions of his life. 

This is a pretty disgusting movie - the farts are maybe the least disgusting. It’s also kind of funny, and kind of pathetic. The ending is kind of ambiguous - was Dano just mad? And how mad? As usual, ordinary humanity is the most disturbing part. 

We were left bemused, and hopeful that Everything Everywhere All at Once would be a little less gross. 

Slightly Noir

Our current viewing habits have gotten a bit bimodal lately. We watch all the latest action blockbusters and comic books movies, and some of the Good Old Stuff too. Hence, Slightly Scarlet (1956), a film noir/melodrama.

It starts with Rhonda Fleming picking up sister Arlene Dahl when she gets out of prison. In a car nearby, John Payne discreetly takes some pictures. It turns out that Fleming is the secretary and fiancée of the rich man running for mayor. And Payne is working for crooked Ted di Corsica, looking for blackmail material.

But Payne doesn’t hand the photos over to his boss. He starts playing his own game, looking to take over the racket. He gets his buddy appointed police commissioner - an honest guy who now owes him a favor. And he starts romancing Fleming. It would all be pretty sweet except Dahl is more of a psycho than a bad girl. She wants Payne for herself, and also cant help doing some more shoplifting. Add in some mad money in a safe at the mob boss’ beach house, and you’ve got a movie.

A movie that at times is a noir - the mobsters, the crooked politicians, and John Payne. And at times it’s a technicolor weepie - Fleming’s amazing love nest, provided by her boyfriend mayor, with its colonial modern decor, the “problem” sister, all the love triangles. 

This isn’t quite our thing - Ms Spenser went off to find something to do early on. But I found it both interesting and a little astonishing. Did I mention the spear gun?

Strange and Stranger

We got Disney+ to watch the Marvel TV shows, but we’re pretty psyched to realize that it meant we could watch Sam Raimi’s Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022).

It starts with the good Doctor and a young woman (Xochitl Gomez) in the madness dimension, a realm of floating mountains - very Ditko. They are being chased by a demon, and Strange is about to steal Gomez’s power to get the book of Vishanti when he gets killed. Gomez somehow creates a portal to another universe, and drops onto our Dr. Strange’s rooftop, along with the other Strange’s corpse. 

Turns out that she is America Chavez, who can move between universes, although she can’t control it. That’s why she’s being chased. Strange figures there is witchcraft at work as well as magic, so he goes to consult with Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen). She has retreated to an orchard to heal after the events of her TV series. See, I knew watching that would pay off. But she soon reveals that she is behind this whole setup. She wants to travel to a universe where her two sons are real.

So Strange and America chase her and are chased by her throughout the multiverse. This includes some split-second scenes of universes of bones, or animated universes, etc. it also includes universes that were de-stabilized by “incursions”, visits by Wanda or others that destroyed logic and physics. In one, it was their Strange that did it. That universe is protected by the Illuminati, lead by Mordo (Chiwetel Ejiofor). (I like Ejiofor in the role, but I think he should be a Baron, and wear that pointy beard.) This group includes Agent Carter, Mr Fantastic, Maria Rambeau, and Black Bolt. I think these are mostly throw-always, not setups for future movies.

Since this is Sam Raimi, there’s a touch more horror - but not much really, until the end (I’ll just say “zombie”). There’s a lot more about making the right choices for the right reasons, and making sure you don’t become the villain. But it’s stuffed with other stuff as well, including Wong being awesome, multiple evil Stranges, his old flame Rachel MacAdams. Also, since it’s Raimi, Bruce Campbell. Strange puts a spell on him to make him punch himself over and over. He does love beating up poor Bruce.

In conclusion, this is a visual tour de force - something all the Dr. Strange movies do so well. Best Marvel movie yet!

Dimension X

I haven’t been very good about keeping Ms Spenser supplied with horror movies, so I ordered up Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015). I think she’s about done with this franchise. 

It starts with a bit of found footage of something horrible (possibly part of the lore?). Then we meet our protags: a mom and dad and daughter, along with dad’s slightly messed-up brother and wife’s best friend (who will not get romantically involved with brother). The kid is found to have an imaginary friend named Tobi, and the dad finds a box of tapes and a clunky old video camera.  

Dad and bro watch the tapes, which include some funky stuff, including a private sex tape interrupted by… something. It also shows two little girls being groomed by some kind of evil guru. And the girls start talking about the people watching them, describing dad and bro in the present day. Dad also discovers that the camera can record spirit being that they can’t see with the bare eyes. 

And so on. The kid gets weird, an ineffectual priest is called in, etc. You know the drill. Once again the problem seems to be no likable characters - you just hope everyone gets killed. I did like the magic spirit camera - added something to the franchise. 

So I still owe Ms Spenser a horror movie. 

Moon Spinning

When I was a kid, I loved Hayley Mills, although I’m not sure if I saw the The Moon-Spinners (1964) when it came out. I saw a few of her movies as an adult, and always felt guilty about admiring her. In Moon-Spinners, is 17 (playing 14, it seems), so I’ll try to keep my admiration in check. 

It starts with Mills and her aunt Joan Greenwood are visiting a small Greek village. They want to stay at the Moon-Spinner Inn, but the landlady, Irene Papas, doesn’t want them. Maybe it’s because she’s hosting a wedding. (Pushy English.) But it is actually because her brother, the shady Eli Wallach forbids it. Later, they meet another guest, dreamy Englishman Peter McEnery, who seems to be having some kind of sub rosa argument with Wallach.

This is all a bit uncomfortable but Papas’ pre-teen son takes their side (like kids often do in these movies). Also, Mills wants to stick around to hang with McEnery. The plot soon unfolds - McEnery is under suspicion of stealing some jewels, but has figured that Wallach did the deed. He needs to find them before Wallach manages to kill him.

There’s a bit more stuff with the British consul, John Le Mesurier, who looks a bit like Boris Karloff here - so you know he’s crooked. And it all ends up on Pola Negri’s yacht- yes, that Pola Negri, lured out of retirement. She plays a much married, jewel-hungry play girl type, with a pet cheetah. Swoon.

We enjoyed this, but nostalgically. Mills’ character was more than a bit of an airhead, but that was her general type at the time. It had an interesting location and a great cast. And that Hayley Mills - I was in a London pub near Covent Gardens once, and heard a gentleman talking about hanging around a stage door to see her in the early 2000s. I think she might have said a few words to him. He held his companions rapt with this simple tale, and they all sighed when they heard it. Such is her power. 

Oh, I just remembered - I didn’t see Moon-Spinners when it came out, I saw another, non-Mills Disney, The Moon Cussers. 

Retirement Mode

Sorry for the bit of delay in posting. I was a bit busy at work, and then… I retired. You’d think that would leave me more time to post, but I haven’t sobered up yet. Just kidding, I never wrote these sober. No, the main issue is that I turned in my work laptop and haven’t felt like typing on my tablet. 

But for you, my public, I will. 

I also don’t expect to be watching a lot more movies in my free time.  There’s only so many movies I can stand in a week. But we’ll see - maybe I’m stronger than I think. Or maybe I’ll just stop blogging. I am retired, you know.