The Apple, My Eye

I've listened to several bad movie podcasts about The Apple (1980). Or maybe just one, but it was such a bad movie, it seemed like several.

It's basically a near-future disco dystopia. The future seems to be controlled by the Global Vision Song Contest (an expansion of the Euro Vision?). An evil impressario called Mr. Boogalow (Vladek Sheybal) controls it from behind the scenes, along with a flamboyant Ruby Rod type producer. Their band is called BIM. They make a sort of neo-fascist disco new wave music, very popular with the kids. But the Canadian entry is an acoustic duet made up of Alphie (George Gilmour) and Bibi (Catherine Mary Stewart). They sing a sweet and heartfelt ballad, which would have beaten BIM, if they weren't sabotaged.

So Boogalow decides to co-opt them, and invites them to a big, decadent after-party. Alphie isn't into it, but Bibi is. Soon, Bibi is singing for BIM and Alphie is out. He is living in a tiny apartment, renting from Mariam Margoyles (Nursie from Blackadder). She convinces him to go after Bibi. 

He gets her free from the BIMsters, and they follow an old hippy into a cave below an underpass. After some time, during which Alphie grows a beard and Bibi has a baby, Mr. Boogalow finds them, and wants Bibi to finish her contract. What will they do?

OK, you asked for it. SPOILER - The old hippie shows up driving a Rolls-Royce through the sky. He is now cleaned up and called Mr. Topps. And he takes all the good people up to heaven, because he is the creator of the universe, and he's going to try again. This time without the evil Mr. Boogalow and his Apple (which really doesn't do much in this story). 

Well, this is a pretty incoherent story, but also, the music is quite bad. The dystopian aspect include cheap hologram BIM stickers that you are required by law to put on your face. So evil, so trendy. This is a Cannon film, written and directed by Menachem Globus. Let me tell you, he's no Roger Corman.