Sisters are Doing It

Just a quick cleanup before the new year. We are spending the holidays with my sister and family. We had other plans as well, but the Omaha variant foreclosed those. So we’ve watched a fair number of streaming movies. These are all on Netflix, but I don’t think I’ll link them. It turns out to be a pain to get a good link, and they’ll probably all disappear from the service in a few days. 

Croupier (1998) is a Mike Hodges film starring Clive Owen. He’s a wannabe writer in London whose father is a degenerate gambler who gets him a job as a croupier. He tries to stay aloof from it all, but gets caught up in various schemes and deceptions. I’m not sure all the schemes make sense (who shopped Bella? What was up with the money launderers? How did they make money on a failed robbery?) but it was pretty compelling. Owen had an icy beauty that just works - he even starts out a bleached blonde. Also, Alex Kingston has a nude scene. So if you want to see River Song naked, sweetie, check it out.

We expected Fear Street Part One: 1994 (2021) to be kind of lightweight, since it was based on an R.L. Stone series. But it was a teen slasher with a pretty high body count. It’s set in Shadyside, a community with a distressingly high number of serial killers, going back to a curse put on it by a witch in 1660. Some teens, including a lesbian, her ex-girlfriend, her nerdy brother, and her drug-dealing cheerleader friend and her goofy boyfriend, get targeted by the curse. Expect in this case, it’s the undead serial killers from past cases chasing them. It was pretty good, although we aren’t big on slashers. We may or may not watch the rest of the series.

Feeling the need for something a little less harrowing, so we tried Fearless (2006). This is Jet Li’s final wushu movie, directed by Ronny Yu. It’s set in the early 20th century, with Li as Huo Yuanjia, a martial arts teacher. He starts as strong but arrogant fighter, who overreaches and kills the wrong man. When his family is killed in revenge, he goes to north Thailand to mourn. The mountain people (and a young blind woman) restore his faith and he returns to make amends.

He finds that the foreigners are now in control of China. They consider the Chinese to be weak and feckless. So Li enters into competitions to show that he can beat any foreigner. 

It’s a well-worn formula but the art direction is beautiful as always (especially among the Hmong) and the fights are cool. Plus the message of unity and self-discipline are heartfelt and inspiring. 

So that’s about it for this year. We fly home on New Year’s Eve if the airline gods allow. With luck we’ll soon be drinking champagne cocktails and watching Marx Bros. and Three Stooges. See you in 2022. 

Edited to add: I forgot we watched Stanley Donen’s Indiscreet (1958) with Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant. I was surprised that it was in color, and not directed by Alfred Hitchcock, and that there were no Nazis in it - because I was thinking of Notorious. Anyway, the first 2/3s were a swooningly beautiful love story about two super-rich, charming people. Bergman in particular was amazing. The Donenesque twist was not as delightful as he probably thought, but still kind of fun. His sophisticated modern love stories don’t always translate across time that well.

Oh, look it’s 2022. 

Happy New Year!

Mazzik Man

I think Ms. Spenser requested The Vigil (2021) based on the recommendation of one of the horror authors she followed. It was not because she is Jewish. 

It starts with a support group for New Yorkers who have left an ultra orthodox Jewish sect. Our protagonist, Dave Davis, seems to be suffering from anxiety, PTSD, guilt, and maybe a touch of hallucination. He also is unemployed and is having trouble making rent. Also, when a nice girl in the group tries to invite him out, he doesn’t know what to say. The sect separated men and women. 

Outside, his old rabbi offers him work as a shomer - someone who sits vigil over a corpse all night, reading psalms to settle its soul. He doesn’t want to be involved, but he needs the money…

The deceased was a holocaust survivor who never left his home and drove off his kids. The widow has Alzheimer’s, supposedly. She doesn’t want Davis around. Left alone, he starts seeing a shadowy figure creeping Widow later explains that it is a mazzik, a demon who tortures broken people.

Later, when he tries to leave, he finds his bones breaking the further he gets from the house. He has to return to stop the pain. At least in this movie, we know why he doesn’t just leave. 

We kind of liked this movie - it’s pretty much right in our zone of psychological horror without much gore. On the other hand, the protagonist is such a broken sad sack, it’s a little hard to identify with him. And the plot could have been a little more complex or original - I felt like I was a step or two ahead for most of the movie. I expected to be surprised by at least one twist, but didn’t really get one. 

Your mileage may vary, of course. Even mine might have, if I’d been in a different mood. But for now, I’d call it a worthy effort. 

Hits Keep Coming

Didn’t we just see a 2021 Ryan Reynolds movie? Yes, but in Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021), he’s an uptight exasperated quipping machine, not a lovestruck naive quipping machine. Very different.

In this direct sequel, Reynolds is in therapy. His therapist convinces him to take a break from body guarding, to stop carrying a gun and get some rest. She is mainly trying to get rid of him because he scares her. So we find him resting on a beach when Selma Hayek comes busting in. Her husband, hitman Samuel L. Jackson, has been kidnapped, and he asked for Reynolds to help get him out. 

So even though he is on sabbatical and refuses to carry a gun, he can’t resist the honor of being asked to help. Of course, Hayek misheard - he actually asked for anybody BUT Reynolds. But they do get him out. And are immediately captured by Interpol agent Frank Grillo who has a mission for them involving villain Antonio Banderas.

For reasons, Reynolds takes the gang to see his father Morgan Freeman, who promises to help and of course betrays them. And so on. You don’t care about that, right? It’s all about Reynolds refusing to carry a gun (shades of Destry). He is always either complaining about his interrupted vacation or saying, “we need a carefully thought out plan” just as Hayek and/or Jackson just jump out, guns blazing. 

It’s pretty funny and exciting, as promised. It even has a callback to the nuns from the first movie. Hayek was underused in the first one, and now gets to have some real fun. Is this our favorite new series? No, but we will watch the sequel if they make it: Son of Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard?

Beauty at the Vanities

I wanted to see Murder at the Vanities / Search for Beauty (1934) because my frat back in college used to rent Murder and show it for the “reefer” based music. Turns out I had misremembered most of it.

Murder takes place at Earl Carroll’s Vanities, a real New York night club show, famous for scantily clad women. Carroll is out of town, so Jack Oakie is taking over. His stars are Kitty Carlisle and French nonentity Carl Brisson, soon to be wed. Meanwhile, police detective Victor McLaglen wants free tickets to the show, but Oakie won’t come across. They have a nice exchange of insults throughout the movie.

Someone starts trying to kill Carlisle, so McLaglen decides to take the case, mostly so he can watch the show. The bodies start to pile up, but the show must go on. 

So how is the show? Sadly, not great. Kitty Carlisle sing/talks through her numbers. Brisson sings “Cocktails for Two” - we prefer the Spike Jones version. Carlisle’s reefer song is a Latin number called “Marijuana”, and it isn’t good. I had remembered that Ellington performed “That Funny Reefer Man”, but that was Cab Calloway. Maybe it was included on the film as a short subject. 

Duke does have a number, but it is a jazz riff on Chopin’s Hungarian Rhapsody, called “Rape of the Rhapsody”. Cringe. At least the number has some good dancing. The rest of the numbers feature hundreds of beautiful women in scanty dress just posing. Some are topless, but always behind their crossed arms. Pre-Code, but not so sexy. In fact, the presence of Kitty Carlisle makes you think of the musical numbers in a Marx Brothers movie that you fast forward through. 

Search turned out to be a lot more fun. It starts with Robert Armstrong and Gertrude Michael getting out of jail. Armstrong has a great idea for a new hustle - totally legit. They’ll take over an old-times Health and Exercise magazine, recruit some athletes, and get them to show some skin. They just need some upfront money - James Gleason (Here Comes Mr. Jordan).

The athletes they pick are Buster Crabbe and Ida Lupino (still with a little English accent). They think this is all legit, and actually set up a health farm.  But Armstrong is going for sleaze so there’s going to be a showdown.

The funny thing is, the movie is the same way. It’s about health and exercise and clean living, but you get to see Buster Crabbe’s naked butt in the shower room - although Lupino’s shower scene is shoulders and up. 

It’s all good fun - there’s even a musical that’s no worse than the ones in Murder. Plus, James Gleason is one of our favorite character actors. So I’d say the double bill is worth it, but you can skip the first movie. 

Poor Little Greenie

Part of the reason I queued up The Green Knight (2021) is that I remembered that Ms. Spenser was a fan of the poem. Also, it was one of the big art house hits of 2021. Also, I was wrong about Ms. Spenser - she’d never read it.

It stars Dev Patel as Gawain, who looks like Adam Driver, according to Ms. Spenser. He gets up on Christmas morning in a brothel, but because he’s King Arthur’s nephew, he cleans up and heads to court. So even though he isn’t ready to be a knight, and is pretty much a wastrel, he gets to sit with he king and queen, who are both white-haired and old. When the king is trying to start the revelry, a giant knight in green armor with a bark-like helmet comes in and sets up a game. Anyone in the court can take a whack at him with his axe. Then next Christmas, the Green Knight could return the blow. 

Gawain accepts the challenge, and Arthur lends him Excalibur, reminding him that it’s just a game. So Gawain chops his head off.

Now this is odd. We have seen that Gawain is a drinker and runs with loose women, but not that he’s violent or ambitious. Maybe he just wasn’t too bright. Anyway, the Green Knight picks up his head and leaves, reminding Gawain that he will have to submit to a beheading next year.

So Gawain spends the year drinking and whoring. Meanwhile, his mother (not identified, but maybe Morgan le Fay? And played by Sarita Choudhury) and some other witchy types are making mystic magic. When Gawain gets ready to leave, his mother gives him the Green Knight’s axe, and a green belt that will protect him from harm.

So he sets out. He has a number of adventures. Some are ghastly - a poor boy stripping bodies on a battle field misdirects him and later ambushes him. Some are comical - he meets the ghost of St. Winifred, who demands that he return her head to her body, and is rather snippy about it. And he seems to be followed by a fox that might be his mother.

Finally, he meets a lord with a fine  mansion and sexy wife. While the lord is out hunting all day, the lady is trying to seduce Gawain. 

But finally he goes to meet the Knight. He meets up with the Knight, and at the last moment - he bolts. He goes back to Camelot, inherits the kingdom, etc. But SPOILER we can tell it’s an Owl Creek Bridge scenario. It’s all a dream or fantasy. He comes to back in front of the knight. I won’t spoil the ending.

This is a puzzling movie. It’s tone is very inconsistent - sometimes ancient, sometimes modern, although it does have a somewhat Mallick-like pace. There’s social commentary in some scenes, witchcraft in others. Each section has a title card with a different ye-olde typeface, indicating a certain eclecticism. I had heard that the principle was that the ancient mindset is alien to us, so some thing won’t make sense to the modern mind. I don’t think director David Lowery achieved this. At least it felt like more of a muddle. But it’s an interesting, good looking muddle, and worth watching. 

Free as in Press, not as in Beer

Free Guy (2021) is a movie that is almost pure concept: What if Ryan Reynolds was an NPC in a computer who became aware? If you think you will find that funny, you're probably right. If not, how about if I tell you Taika Waititi is in it?

Like I say, Reynolds is a non-playable character (NPC) in a computer game, Free City. Everyday he gets up, has a great cup of coffee, and goes to work at the bank with his buddy Lil Rel Howery, the security guard. Every day they get robbed by the sunglasses people - they are the players who come to Free City to rob, kill, and plunder. I guess Grand Theft Auto is idea.

Reynolds has always dreamed of his ideal woman, and one day he sees her. This leads him to put on the sunglasses ("Put on the damn glasses") and start racking up points in the game. Because if he levels up enough, he can hang out with her.

Meanwhile, in the real world: The human operating Reynold's ideal woman is Robin Comier. She a nerdy game dev who is trying to prove that Free City uses some of the code for Life Itself. Life Itself is an advanced AI utopian game, developed by Comier and her platonic friend, Joe Keery (Stranger Things). Keery is now working for the Free City company as a lowly minion, browbeaten by flamboyantly evil boss, Taika Waititi.

So let's take stock. Lot's of Reynolds quipping, although he is playing a naive nice guy here. Lot's of goofy action. A nerdy love story. A critique of gaming culture - the violence, the obsession, and the evil bosses. It's all well done, directed by Shawn Levy. 

But is it actually good? I don't know - we enjoyed it, and it wasn't exactly forgettable. But it wasn't exactly ground-breaking either. Just a good, funny concept, a likable leading man (great comedy chops, but is he getting over-exposed?) and hate-able villain. The love story was my least favorite part, partly because Keery had to be such a whiny wimp. Remember Daniel Radcliffe in Guns Akimbo? Very similar. 

But it did what it was supposed to - keep me entertained (and Ms. Spenser semi-entertained) for 90-odd minutes. Like a computer game, I guess. 

Marwene!

Destry Rides Again (1939) is a re-watch for us. We mainly wanted to see the amazing opening sequence. Under the title, we take a long tracking shot down the street of a wild west town, with cowboys on horseback firing pistols, and barfights busting out of the saloon, with dancing girls trying to reel the boys back inside. It's a bravura performance by director George Marshall.

We go inside the saloon to find the owner, Brian Donlevy, in a card game, trying to win the deed to a ranch. Just before the showdown, his gal Frenchy (Marlene Dietrich) spills some coffee and switches some cards on the rancher. When the rancher comes back with the sheriff, Donlevy shoots him dead offscreen - that is, convinces him to "leave town".

Since the town needs a new sheriff, Donlevy convinces the mayor, Samuel S. Hinds, to appoint the town drunk, Washington "Wash" Dimsdale (Charles Winninger). He has been bending everyone's ear about how things were when he was Sheriff Destry's deputy, so they figure it will be fun to watch him try it himself. But Wash sobers up, and calls for Destry's son to come to town to be his deputy.

So Destry shows up, but he's not a rootin', tootin' he-man - he's Jimmy Stewart. He's soft-spoken and doesn't even carry a gun. Figures someone could get in trouble that way. But just to be friendly, he borrows Donlevy's gun and shoots the balls off a decorative doo-dad from across the street. 

And when Donlevy throws Frenchy at him, he's very polite - and friendly. 

So it's Donlevy vs. Stewart - Stewart wants to convict Donlevy fair and square, and Donlevy keeps underestimating Stewart. Meanwhile, Frenchy gets in at least one catfight, rollicking all over the saloon. The bartender is played by Billy Gilbert, in barely a bit part. Our favorite from Palm Beach Story, Mischa Auer, is called Callahan by everyone, because that was his wife's (Una Merkel) first husband's name, and it's easier. He loses his pants to Frenchy at cards. And for every situation, Stewart "once knew a feller who...". 

Lots of fun, full of quirky characters, great lines, evil bad-guys, beautiful women, fist fights, gun battles, and Marlene Dietrich singing "See What the Boys in the Back Room Will Have". About the only downside is her other song, "Little Joe". It's tiresome and repetitive, and shows up too many times in the movie. 

Draw Blood!

Werewolf of London (1935) is another classic we never got around to. Now we have.

It starts in Tibet (near Vasquez Rocks, where Kirk fought the Gorn). Botanist Henry Hull is searching for a rare flower that grows on moonlight. As his bearer's all desert him, he is attacked by a beastly creature. But the next scene has him back in England, so I guess it was all right.

He is spending all of his time in his lab. His wife, Valerie Hobson, is always on him to help her host her society parties, but he just wants to fiddle with the plant he brought back from Tibet. He's trying to get it to blossom under artificial moonlight. 

But one of their guests is uninvited: Warner Oland as the mysterious Dr. Yogami. He gives Hull the spiel: If you are bitten by a werewolf, you become one yourself. You have to kill each night (of the full moon? Unclear). Only the moon-flower's blossoms can temporarily hold the desire to kill at bay.

Hull doesn't believe him, but soon finds himself becoming... hirsute... under the rays of his moonlamp. When the moon comes up, he is only able to quell the transformation with a blossom. The next night, he's out with his wife at Spring Byington's party, and has to rush home to get the antidote - but Oland has stolen all the blossoms. There's only a bud left. And so the werewolf kills.

So Hull tries to get himself locked up, either by a slum landlady or by J.M. Kerrigan, his cockney assistant. Meanwhile, his wife is getting romanced by an old flame, Lester Matthews. 

We weren't really expecting this movie to be so funny. There is a whole drawing room and tea parties movie going on (Spring Byington!) while Hull is either botanizing or wolfing. The landladies he looks to to lock him up, Mrs. Whack and Mrs. Moncaster are always soused on gin and try to eat through their hat's veil. Then there's the mysterious "Oriental" Dr. Yogami, sneaking around stealing flowers. And Henry Hull obsessing and suffering through it all. 

Very enjoyable, although they never went to Soho in the rain, or had pina coladas at Trader Vics. A wasted opportunity.

Voodoo Skull

The House on Skull Mountain (1974) is pretty interesting, 70s horror movie with voodoo themes and a mostly black cast and almost no exploitation.

An old black woman is getting her last rites in her house (on Skull Mountain). She gives four letters to the priest and asks him to deliver them when she passes. She then dies holding a box of voodoo dolls.

The letters are invitations. The first two to arrive are shown driving up a mountain road. One is a sophisticated black woman (Janee Michelle), the other a rude young man (Mike Evans) who basically tries to run her off the road. When a flying skull appears before his windshields, the tables are turned. 

When they get to the house, they find the burial in process with only the priest, butler (Jean Durand) and maid (Ella Woods) in attendance. Almost nobody notices, but before the grave is filled, a raven drops a totem made of a bone, a feather and some beads on the coffin. It leaks blood and bursts into flames. 

A third guest is meek domestic Xemona Clayton (an associate of Martin Luther King!). After she arrives, the lawyer lets them know that they are all grandchildren of the deceased, and that the will would be read when the fourth guest arrives. So the lawyer will come back next week, while everyone has a nice vacation in this spooky voodoo mansion.

After the lawyer leaves, the last heir shows up - Victor French, a white man! (Evans makes a crass remark about a "honky in the woodpile".) He looks sort of like a retired hickey player with a walrus mustache, but he's actually a professor of anthropology in Maine. Actually, an expert on voodoo.

Now, I'm not an expert on voodoo, but I've read a little, and this movie presents at least a surface level of realism. The snake deity Damballah is the main troublemaker here, and Erzulie the Beautiful is our friends protector. I won't tell you who dies or when, but I will say you get a full on voodoo ceremony. Also, a little romance between Michelle and French, with a date in Atlanta, including a visit to Underground Atlanta. At least now we know that Skull Mountain is supposed to be in Georgia.

I might as well tell you whodunnit, because you'll probably guess anyway. Yes, the butler did it.