Gentlemen Don't Open Each Other's Mail

I was looking forward to The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024) as a classic stupid action movie. But was it stupid enough or too stupid?

It starts with two men in a sailboat being stopped by Nazis. Beefy Henry Cavill and beefier Alan Ritchson claim to be Swedes on a sailing holiday. When the Nazis start to get heavy, they start goofing. "I'll give you 100 francs to kill that man." "Oh, no, don't kill me! I've been a naughty boy." Just being silly drunks, with broad Swedish accents. But when the Nazis discover Henry Golding below decks, gunfire breaks out, ending with all Nazis aboard dead. That would leave the Nazis on the cruiser nearby, but diver and demo expert Hero Fiennes Tiffin has just gotten back from putting a bomb on the side. So far, so successful.

Back in England, we see Cavill getting their assignment from Cary Elwes and Winston Churchill, Rory Kinnear. They are to go to the African island of Fernando Po, and destroy the ship the Nazis are using to supply their subs. They will be aided by sexy Eiza Gonzalez and Babs Olusanmokun, who runs a popular nightclub and gambling den in Casablanca. 

First, they need their buddy Alex Pettyfer, who is being held by the Nazis on a neighboring island. With 60 soldiers guarding him, that will only be about 15 a piece for our gang. Easy peasy.

You see, these guys are hard core. Ritchson, in particular, plays a Danish wildman, skilled at hunting and tracking, and killing silently with bow. It's funny seeing someone who's so buff that he makes Cavill seem slender. And they are loosely based on real people, the early secret agents who inspired Ian Fleming to write James Bond. In fact, Fleming himself is present, played by Freddie Fox. 

But sadly, movie is never as good as the goofball set piece at the beginning. They pretend to be Swedish sailors again when when an Allied ship stops them, but they just cop to being English right away. Since this is directed by Guy Ritchie, we hoped for more humor.

But Ms. Spenser, who is usually neutral on action movies, did ask to see that first scene again when we finished. Since they used it in the trailer, I assume they knew what they had.