Blood-Sucking Gangsters

Speaking of Yayan Ruhian, we watched Yakuza Apocalypse (2015). He only had a small role, but I was looking for an excuse.

It starts with a yakuza boss getting into a gunfight against incredible odds and winning. Our hero and narrator, Hayato Ichihara, talks about how loved and respected the yakuza are in his small town, and how he became one, becoming the boss’ bodyguard. But the boss is killed, and just before he dies, he bites Ichihara.

You see, he was a vampire all along, and now Ichihara is too. Before he quite realizes it, he starts turning townspeople, leading to a rash of vampirism. But that’s not the worst part - the same people who killed the boss are after him.

This seems like a pretty cool horror-thriller, but it’s actually an absurdist comedy. For example, when Ichihara turns, one of the boss’ helpers explains the rules with the help of a blackboard: Only civilians taste good, yakuza have little nutrition. But yakuza must not kill civilians, so this leads to a dilemma. The boss solved it by imprisoning enemy yakuza and reforming them by forcing them to learn to knit, and torturing them when they show anger or aggression. Once they are gentle and sweet, he kills them and sucks their blood.

One of the assassins sent to kill him is a priest in a Portuguese ruff collar who only speaks English and carries a coffin (like Django). Another is a nerdy backpacker tourist (Yayan Ruhian). But the strongest opponent is a guy in a frog mascot furry costume. SPOILER - when he takes the head off of his costume - he really has a frog head! But he can grow to the size of Godzilla!

When we started watching this, I had forgotten it was a Takashi Miike film. He usually makes very violent films, and this qualifies. I’ve mainly seen his more serious fare (like Thirteen Assassins), but I guess he makes a lot of violent comedies as well. There seems to be some kind of social commentary here: both vampires and gangsters live of the blood of the normals. But it doesn’t really seem to come together, and might just be a red herring. So don’t come to this looking for sense and sanity. You have been warned.