I admit it - these were a couple of bagatelles I watched on streaming when I didn't have anything else in particular to watch.
Chinese Zodiac (2012) is more or less the latest Jackie Chan action film. It may be his last big stunt oriented movie, but we've heard that before. Last or not, it is a return to his Armor of God style - Jackie is a treasure hunter looking for the twelve bronze sculptures that the British looted from the Summer Palace. Like is Armor of God, he has a couple of cute women working with him: art historian Helen Yao and Laura Weissbecker, a descendant of the original looters.
The movie starts with a ridiculous rocket-powered street-luge-suit escape scene, and there are several equally amazing set pieces throughout. In between these stunts, there are plenty of the usual fights, done with the usual joy and charm. The credit sequence includes stunts from past films instead of the usual out-takes. I admit, I got a little misty. This trip down memory lane seems to indicate that there will be no more of these crazy movies.
Journey to the West (2013) is Stephen Chow's latest (more or less) crazy movie. It strikes me as a little Kung Fu Hustle, a little White Snake. Zang Wen plays a mop-headed demon hunter, who tries to subdue demons by reading them kiddy songs to bring out their goodness. He doesn't have much luck with this, but one of his gorgeous competitors, Qi Shu (So Close) keeps showing up to bail him out. His master sends him to find the Monkey King demon, who was imprisoned by the Buddha long ago.
Lots of adventures, demons, kung fu, and silliness. Zang Wen maintains a humble, good-hearted attitude throughout, although he always doubts his skill when he always needs Qi Shu to save his skin. But it ends with a very sweet cosmic Buddha cameo, and shows how this is a prequel to the classic Monkey tale of a monk travelling east to bring back sutras with the assistance of demon companions.
I've mentioned before that I am a Buddhist, and I always get a little thrill when a movie features Buddhist themes, instead of the Christ figures we always get in American and European movies. Of course, Buddhism can be used in a shallow, cliche way just like Christianity. I'm not judging Journey, just saying your mileage may vary.
Finally, one last - 14 Blades (2010), a Donnie Yen costumer about the brutal imperial secret police and the powerful swords they are entrusted with. I can't say this is worse than the usual stuff, but it isn't better. It's a small thing, for instance, but I didn't care for the art design of the weapons or the ubiquitous seals and sigils the factions used to identify themselves. Too contemporary and somewhat clunky. So this one turned out to be just a time-filler.
The other two were worth watching though.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Slayer Cake
I don't think I heard about Dragonslayer (1981) when it came out. Maybe it was promoted as a kids movie (it was produced by Disney), maybe just didn't get a big release. I came across it via podcasts again, like Film Sack. I got the idea that it was the usual sword and sorcery thing, but with a little extra oomph.
It starts with a delegation of villagers begging wizard Ralph Richardson to help slay a dragon. He agrees to go but before he even starts he lets himself be killed by a thuggish soldier. It is up to his apprentice Peter MacNicol and elderly servant, character actor Sydney Bromley, to fulfill the quest.
Now, MacNicol has a doughy face and curly blonde wig, and looks like a Richard Simmons imitator, but he does a pretty good job as an apprentice wizard. He's boastful and dramatic, but he is willing to fight dragons and can actually do magic, even if he's a little dim. For example, he doesn't notice that one of the villagers is a a cute girl, Caitlin Clarke, until they go skinny dipping together. Sorry if that's a spoiler, but she was wearing makeup, didn't anyone notice?
Actually, the underwater nude Clarke (and/or MacNicol, if that's your fancy) are the reason many young people loved this movie. The dragon is usually the other favorite bit. I thought it was a bit stiff - a big mechanical puppet, where a stop-motion dragon might have had a bit more personality. The dragon spawn were also a little ... muppety. They were in a really gory scene, which makes it even more incongruous.
In the end, this was pretty much the usual sword-and-sorcery fare, The Magic Sword with a better budget, plus a little nudity and gore. But that's not so bad. Besides, I really think they got the magic across better than most of these. So if you like this kind of thing, check it out.
It starts with a delegation of villagers begging wizard Ralph Richardson to help slay a dragon. He agrees to go but before he even starts he lets himself be killed by a thuggish soldier. It is up to his apprentice Peter MacNicol and elderly servant, character actor Sydney Bromley, to fulfill the quest.
Now, MacNicol has a doughy face and curly blonde wig, and looks like a Richard Simmons imitator, but he does a pretty good job as an apprentice wizard. He's boastful and dramatic, but he is willing to fight dragons and can actually do magic, even if he's a little dim. For example, he doesn't notice that one of the villagers is a a cute girl, Caitlin Clarke, until they go skinny dipping together. Sorry if that's a spoiler, but she was wearing makeup, didn't anyone notice?
Actually, the underwater nude Clarke (and/or MacNicol, if that's your fancy) are the reason many young people loved this movie. The dragon is usually the other favorite bit. I thought it was a bit stiff - a big mechanical puppet, where a stop-motion dragon might have had a bit more personality. The dragon spawn were also a little ... muppety. They were in a really gory scene, which makes it even more incongruous.
In the end, this was pretty much the usual sword-and-sorcery fare, The Magic Sword with a better budget, plus a little nudity and gore. But that's not so bad. Besides, I really think they got the magic across better than most of these. So if you like this kind of thing, check it out.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
A Keeper
As I have mentioned, Ms. Spenser wants to watch more scary movies. I'm letting her have her way, cautiously (and I expect her to let me watch some manly musicals in exchange). So Curt from Mountain View (as he is known by the B-Movie Cast) suggested The Innkeepers (2011) and I queued it up. He did not steer us wrong.
It is the last long weekend for the Yankee Pedlar hotel. After a century of doing business in some corner of New England, it is closing up. There are almost no guests and only two people staffing, a pair of young slackers played by Sara Paxton and Pat Healy. He is a nerdy college dropout with a terrible website about the ghosts haunting the Pedlar. She is a perky-punky type who really wants to see a ghost, and preferably capture it on film (or tape, because their camera is busted).
I'm going to try to avoid spoilers, but I can tell you that most of the movie is just the two leads goofing off, playing pranks and talking trash. Also, it's really more of a horror-comedy, with a lot of the comedy based on these characters. Interestingly, when Kelly McGillis shows up as an ex-TV star now psychic (and secret drinker), she is not played as part of the comedy. She looks age-appropriate, a bit stocky, with sensible-cut grey hair, and comes across as really human and honest.
So, this is not the slasher-rama I was afraid of. It gets tense at times and is legit scary (sometimes), but nothing to give you (me) nightmares. I liked it a lot.
It is the last long weekend for the Yankee Pedlar hotel. After a century of doing business in some corner of New England, it is closing up. There are almost no guests and only two people staffing, a pair of young slackers played by Sara Paxton and Pat Healy. He is a nerdy college dropout with a terrible website about the ghosts haunting the Pedlar. She is a perky-punky type who really wants to see a ghost, and preferably capture it on film (or tape, because their camera is busted).
I'm going to try to avoid spoilers, but I can tell you that most of the movie is just the two leads goofing off, playing pranks and talking trash. Also, it's really more of a horror-comedy, with a lot of the comedy based on these characters. Interestingly, when Kelly McGillis shows up as an ex-TV star now psychic (and secret drinker), she is not played as part of the comedy. She looks age-appropriate, a bit stocky, with sensible-cut grey hair, and comes across as really human and honest.
So, this is not the slasher-rama I was afraid of. It gets tense at times and is legit scary (sometimes), but nothing to give you (me) nightmares. I liked it a lot.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Cradle Robbing
We saw a used copy of Cradle 2 the Grave (2003) in the video store, and it looked interesting, but we passed it by, even at $3.99. But we did remember to queue it up from Netflix.
It's part of a kind of trilogy from director Andrzej Bartkowiak. It stars Jet Li and rapper DMX - like Romeo Must Die stars Jet Li and Aaliyah and Exit Wounds stars Steven Seagal and DMX: Martial arts meets hip-hop. DMX is a high-tech jewel thief who takes down a bank vault and makes off with some mysterious black diamonds. Jet Li is the Taiwanese detective sent to keep the diamonds out of the hands of arms dealer Mark Dacascos.
Dacascos is why we almost bought the disc. You may remember him as the Mohawk martial artist in Brotherhood of the Wolf. Making him the Final Boss was good, but I would have liked to see him fight Li a few more times. But mainly what he does is kidnap DMX's daughter. So DMX and Li join forces to get the little girl and the diamonds. They get a little help from fence/arms dealer Tom Arnold, obviously broad comic relief. If you can stand him, you going to make it through this movie.
Although I don't seem to have blogged it, I remember Romeo Must Die as a pretty gritty movie, with a great hip-hop soundtrack. Cradle is much less realistic, what with the sophisticated jewel thieves and the comic relief - it's pretty much a comic book. The girl, for instance, is adorable and spunky and annoying as all hell, but not much like a real kid. And for some reason, the soundtrack did not grab me. I never felt like it was driving the action.
Still, Jet Li gets a workout, DMX is a pretty good jewel thief and I thought the goofy parts were fun (it starts and ends with missiles). I guess it's somewhere between Romeo and Exit Wounds, and I haven't even seen Exit Wounds.
It's part of a kind of trilogy from director Andrzej Bartkowiak. It stars Jet Li and rapper DMX - like Romeo Must Die stars Jet Li and Aaliyah and Exit Wounds stars Steven Seagal and DMX: Martial arts meets hip-hop. DMX is a high-tech jewel thief who takes down a bank vault and makes off with some mysterious black diamonds. Jet Li is the Taiwanese detective sent to keep the diamonds out of the hands of arms dealer Mark Dacascos.
Dacascos is why we almost bought the disc. You may remember him as the Mohawk martial artist in Brotherhood of the Wolf. Making him the Final Boss was good, but I would have liked to see him fight Li a few more times. But mainly what he does is kidnap DMX's daughter. So DMX and Li join forces to get the little girl and the diamonds. They get a little help from fence/arms dealer Tom Arnold, obviously broad comic relief. If you can stand him, you going to make it through this movie.
Although I don't seem to have blogged it, I remember Romeo Must Die as a pretty gritty movie, with a great hip-hop soundtrack. Cradle is much less realistic, what with the sophisticated jewel thieves and the comic relief - it's pretty much a comic book. The girl, for instance, is adorable and spunky and annoying as all hell, but not much like a real kid. And for some reason, the soundtrack did not grab me. I never felt like it was driving the action.
Still, Jet Li gets a workout, DMX is a pretty good jewel thief and I thought the goofy parts were fun (it starts and ends with missiles). I guess it's somewhere between Romeo and Exit Wounds, and I haven't even seen Exit Wounds.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Dork Knight
Readers who have been reading may have noticed that I like podcasts. The problem with podcasts is that I can only listen to them when I'm doing something that doesn't require verbal concentration, like cleaning, which I don't do very often. But over the holidays I did a lot of driving, and we listened to a lot of Filmsack, including the one about Batman (1989). So we watched it.
Does everyone remember this? The first Tim Burton Batman, the first with Michael Keaton. The one that was supposed to be so dark and serious, not like the old TV show? Since we've now seen Danny Devito as Penguin in Batman Returns, not to mention the Nolan Dark Knight movies, that seems unlikely. In fact at the time since Tim Burton wasn't exactly unknown, it was reasonable to expect something pretty goofy. I remember thinking at the time, Michael Keaton, what the heck? And I hadn't seen Beetlejuice.
Watching it again, we were surprised by how not-goofy this movie is. The art direction is dark and gloomy and the violence gets right in your face. Michael Keaton actually makes a pretty good Batman, although the costume does most of the acting. I swear the collar of the cowl had a push-up bra effect, giving Keaton a squarer jaw.
As Bruce Wayne, however, I just couldn't get behind him. Too neurotic, not suave enough.
But what about the Joker? Was Jack Nicholson as the Joker silly or scary? It's hard to remember now, but before Heath Ledger, Nicholson was the Batman villain. I've seen so many Nicholson-as-Joker tattoos - almost as many as Nicholson-doing-"Here's-Johnny". His gleeful malice is so over the top, it just sweeps you away. And I think it sweeps the movie over to the silly side - maybe that's where Burton threw in the hat on the dark and gritty, and decided to just go goofy.
The choice of Michael Keaton seemed weird, but after Val Kilmer (who I like, damn it) and George Clooney were chosen, he fits right in. But the actor who plays Alfred, Michael Gough, is now my favorite Alfred next to TV's Alan Napier (sorry, Michael Caine).
Does everyone remember this? The first Tim Burton Batman, the first with Michael Keaton. The one that was supposed to be so dark and serious, not like the old TV show? Since we've now seen Danny Devito as Penguin in Batman Returns, not to mention the Nolan Dark Knight movies, that seems unlikely. In fact at the time since Tim Burton wasn't exactly unknown, it was reasonable to expect something pretty goofy. I remember thinking at the time, Michael Keaton, what the heck? And I hadn't seen Beetlejuice.
Watching it again, we were surprised by how not-goofy this movie is. The art direction is dark and gloomy and the violence gets right in your face. Michael Keaton actually makes a pretty good Batman, although the costume does most of the acting. I swear the collar of the cowl had a push-up bra effect, giving Keaton a squarer jaw.
As Bruce Wayne, however, I just couldn't get behind him. Too neurotic, not suave enough.
But what about the Joker? Was Jack Nicholson as the Joker silly or scary? It's hard to remember now, but before Heath Ledger, Nicholson was the Batman villain. I've seen so many Nicholson-as-Joker tattoos - almost as many as Nicholson-doing-"Here's-Johnny". His gleeful malice is so over the top, it just sweeps you away. And I think it sweeps the movie over to the silly side - maybe that's where Burton threw in the hat on the dark and gritty, and decided to just go goofy.
The choice of Michael Keaton seemed weird, but after Val Kilmer (who I like, damn it) and George Clooney were chosen, he fits right in. But the actor who plays Alfred, Michael Gough, is now my favorite Alfred next to TV's Alan Napier (sorry, Michael Caine).
Monday, January 12, 2015
Back to the Library
The path that lead to us watching The Librarian 2 (2006) is twisted indeed. You may recall we watched the first Librarian movie a while ago. And I mentioned that John Rogers, of Leverage fame, is doing a TV show based on these movies - which is not on Netflix yet. So we're watching Warehouse 13 instead, coincidentally featuring Saul Rubinek and sometimes Mark Sheppard from Leverage. Well, one night, the Warehouse episode (season 2, "Buried") took our team to Egypt to find a secret collection of artifacts, so I said: "We've got to watch Librarian 2: Return to King Solomon's Mine."
We find our Librarian, Noah Wylie, settling into his role as collector and protector of mystical treasures. No longer a callow wimpy scholar, he now considers himself a badass. Back at the Library, his bosses (Jane Curtin! Bob Newhart!) send him on a mission to Casablanca to find the legend to the map to King Solomon's Mines (and offsite magic storage facility). His first step is to an archeological dig site run by Gabrielle Anwar (Burn Notice), with whom he'll fight and fall in love.
(Note: In the Warehouse 13 episode, Jaime Murray shows up for the dig in short shorts and tanktop, ala Lara Croft - since she's from the past, she depends on movies to let her know what the well-dressed tomb raider wears. Gabrielle Anwar has the same getup, but there is no lampshading of the source.)
This series is kind of light-weight, and this episode isn't even as much fun as the first (the scenes in the library are short and a little cutesy - the original Excalibur is a frisky nuisance, etc). Also, for a show dedicated to geekiness (Wylie and Anwar try to one-up each other based on the number of post-graduate degrees they have), the history, geography and mythology are pretty sloppy. Still, for me, it's like National Treasure, Night at the Museum, even the Percy Jackson movies - cute adventure stories for kids who like to read.
Anyway, after the Librarian movie, we decided to continue the Mummy vibe with The Mummy Returns with Brendan Fraser (we own this outright, so no Netflix blogging) and then the Mystery Science Theater presentation of Atomic Robots vs. the Aztec Mummy. We fell asleep through most of these. So now all the Warehouse, Librarian, Mummy and MST3K are mixed up with dreams and that's probably for the best.
We find our Librarian, Noah Wylie, settling into his role as collector and protector of mystical treasures. No longer a callow wimpy scholar, he now considers himself a badass. Back at the Library, his bosses (Jane Curtin! Bob Newhart!) send him on a mission to Casablanca to find the legend to the map to King Solomon's Mines (and offsite magic storage facility). His first step is to an archeological dig site run by Gabrielle Anwar (Burn Notice), with whom he'll fight and fall in love.
(Note: In the Warehouse 13 episode, Jaime Murray shows up for the dig in short shorts and tanktop, ala Lara Croft - since she's from the past, she depends on movies to let her know what the well-dressed tomb raider wears. Gabrielle Anwar has the same getup, but there is no lampshading of the source.)
This series is kind of light-weight, and this episode isn't even as much fun as the first (the scenes in the library are short and a little cutesy - the original Excalibur is a frisky nuisance, etc). Also, for a show dedicated to geekiness (Wylie and Anwar try to one-up each other based on the number of post-graduate degrees they have), the history, geography and mythology are pretty sloppy. Still, for me, it's like National Treasure, Night at the Museum, even the Percy Jackson movies - cute adventure stories for kids who like to read.
Anyway, after the Librarian movie, we decided to continue the Mummy vibe with The Mummy Returns with Brendan Fraser (we own this outright, so no Netflix blogging) and then the Mystery Science Theater presentation of Atomic Robots vs. the Aztec Mummy. We fell asleep through most of these. So now all the Warehouse, Librarian, Mummy and MST3K are mixed up with dreams and that's probably for the best.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Sea Minus
As kids, Ms. Spenser and I were big fans of adventure movies - and we still are. We revisit the oldies from time to time, and see how they hold up. Disney's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954) doesn't do so well.
Back in the 19th century, it seems that a scary sea-monster was threatening shipping in the largest tank on the Disney lot - I mean, in the South Pacific. Professor Paul Lukas and his assistant Peter Lorre are on their way to Saigon, and join a government expedition to hunt the monster. Seaman Kirk Douglas comes along to add some manly manliness and sing some pop sea chanties.
Douglas' song confirmed the fear that had been growing in our hearts - this movie was going to be a bit of a trial. It picks up a but when the monster sinks the expedition with all hands except the above. It is the Nautilus, Captain Nemo's (James Mason) submersible, a lovely set that I remember fondly from childhood viewings. Mason is good as the tortured, civilized yet vicious Nemo, so is Peter Lorre as the voice of reason against him. The special effects are .., interesting, I suppose, from a historical perspective. The giant squid fight was a lot sillier and less exciting than I remember.
But I'd say the worst offense this movie commits is Kirk Douglas' agressive cheesiness. His character is supposed to be somewhat obnoxious, I guess - the brash working-class American among the intellectuals - but he comes off as just a prick to me.
The best thing about it is Nemo's pet seal, who seems to love everyone and everyone loves her. So there's always that.
Back in the 19th century, it seems that a scary sea-monster was threatening shipping in the largest tank on the Disney lot - I mean, in the South Pacific. Professor Paul Lukas and his assistant Peter Lorre are on their way to Saigon, and join a government expedition to hunt the monster. Seaman Kirk Douglas comes along to add some manly manliness and sing some pop sea chanties.
Douglas' song confirmed the fear that had been growing in our hearts - this movie was going to be a bit of a trial. It picks up a but when the monster sinks the expedition with all hands except the above. It is the Nautilus, Captain Nemo's (James Mason) submersible, a lovely set that I remember fondly from childhood viewings. Mason is good as the tortured, civilized yet vicious Nemo, so is Peter Lorre as the voice of reason against him. The special effects are .., interesting, I suppose, from a historical perspective. The giant squid fight was a lot sillier and less exciting than I remember.
But I'd say the worst offense this movie commits is Kirk Douglas' agressive cheesiness. His character is supposed to be somewhat obnoxious, I guess - the brash working-class American among the intellectuals - but he comes off as just a prick to me.
The best thing about it is Nemo's pet seal, who seems to love everyone and everyone loves her. So there's always that.
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