Not Enough Indians

Speaking of A Dark and Stormy Night, why hadn't I seen And Then There Were None yet? We just remedied that.

And Then There Were None is more or less an Old Dark House movie, although technically set on an Old Dark Island. It was directed in 1945 by Rene Clair from the Agatha Christie book/play Ten Little Indians. Like so many Christie setups, it is an almost perfect mechanical contraption. Like some many Rene Clair movies, it is light, lovely and funny. It is also full of murder.

U.N. Owen has invited 10 people to a house on an island. The boat won't be back for a few days. Mr. (or Ms.?) Owen ("unknown") does not appear. People start to die, all in ways predicted by the nursery rhyme, 10 Little Indians. Consider: This movie is 97 minutes long, and 10 people have to be murdered. It moves along at a tidy clip.

In A Dark and Stormy Night, we have ~16 characters before they start getting killed. Here, we have 10 - and what great characters:

• Barry Fitzgerald, as an Irish judge
• Walter Huston, a drunk surgeon
• Dame Judith Anderson, a toffee-nosed spinster
• Mischa Auer (!), a freeloading Russian prince
• Etc. Discover them for yourself

The direction by Rene Claire is light and carefree, which clashes not at all with the abominable subject matter. Some scenes take an almost slapstick quality. For example, the doctor and judge are playing billiards together, when they realize that, if one of them is the murderer, there are no witnesses to prevent him from killing. At that moment, they both grip their cues like clubs and begin circling... This combination of suspense, mayhem and humor reminds me of Hitchcock, but it distinctly lighter.

Now one of my favorite Old Dark Houses. Try it, won't you?

A Boy and His Dragon

Eragon may be the best movie about the love of a boy for his dragon ever. You know what I mean - it's stronger than the bond between a boy and his dog, or a girl and her pony. It's a mystical bond, telepathic but more. It's a bond beyond time, it's destiny. See, for instance, Anne McCaffery's Pern stories.

Myself, I don't really get it. Like, some people get all swoony about vampires, or pirates. It doesn't do much for me, but I like to see it done well.

Long ago, in a magical time, John Malkovich, the evil dragonrider, has defeated all other dragons and is cruelly oppressing the far away land of Analgeasia (sp?). However, someone has stolen one of his stones, and it is found by doughty farmboy Eragon. I should mention that the actor playing Eragon, Ed Speleers, looks remarkably like a young friend of ours (more from him later).

The stone turns out to be an egg, which hatches out a dragon. Jeremy Irons, playing the beggar who is More Than He Seems, appears to help him join the resistance movement and fight King Malkovich. Many adventures ensue.

Speleers does a good job as the strong, forthright Everyboy called by destiny to change the world. His dragon, Saphira (not to be confused with make-up company Sephora), is a touch on the cutesy side, with a cartoony face and a bit of a potbelly. She is voiced by Rachel Weisz, who gives her a somewhat motherly slant. For most critics, she is the best part of this movie. I would have liked more gravitas, more mystery, more menace, and maybe - a little sex.

For the accepted wisdom on this movie is: It is not good. Our friend, who looks like Eragon, is a bit of an expert on action and fantasy movies, although he prefers WWII movies. He said this about Eragon: It's pretty bad, but you have to watch it anyway - it has dragons.

In conclusion, I look forward to the sequels, Fragon and Gragon.

The Captain's Nuts

We had the neighbors over for cocktails the other day, a rare occurrence considering how much I enjoy playing bartender. To taunt me, one of them brought over a bottle of Captain Morgan's spiced rum, which she knows I hold in little esteem. But after serving a few rounds of margaritas, I got to thinking about Mai Tais, and decided to try something.

The result proved very popular, so I am publishing it here. We call it:

The Passionate Captain's Nuts

3 oz. Passionfruit juice (I like Looza brand)
1 shot Captain Morgan's spiced rum
dash of lime juice
1/2 oz. Macadamia nut liqueur (I use Trader Vic's, but ABC has another brand I don't remember)

Shake and serve over ice with a float of Malibu coconut rum

Theory: The original Mai Tai, invented by Trader Vic or Donn the Beachcomber, was lime juice, dark rum, orgeat (almond syrup) and a float of lighter rum. In the abstract, a Mai Tai is fruit juice, one or more rums and a slight nut flavor. Like the bitters in a Manhattan, it is the nut that makes a Mai Tai a Mai Tai. Macadamia liqueur does the trick.

When I told our friend that I had added a float of Malibu, she reminded me that I had snobbishly dismissed that rum as vulgar, as well as Capt. Morgan. So sue me. It tastes great.

Bonus cocktail: Captain Alexander

1 shot Captain Morgan's spiced rum
1 oz. creme de cacao (dark)
1 oz. cream or half&half

Shake over ice and strain into martini glass. Dust w/ nutmeg

Come On Eileen

I'm not sure why I queued up My Sister Eileen, but when I noticed that it starred Betty Garrett (see Dark and Stormy Night, On the Town), I had to push it to the front. She just turned 90, you know.

The story: Ruth (Garrett) and Eileen (Janet Leigh) are small-town girls who move to Greenwich Village to seek their fortunes, Garrett as a writer, her sister Eileen is an actress. They get a funky basement apartment, meet some wacky characters, and start to starve in style.

1. Ruth can't get guys to notice her once they meet her sister Eileen
2. Ruth can't sell her stories, but her editor (Jack Lemmon) likes the ones about Eileen
3. Ruth pretends to be Eileen to get her editor to chase her
   

The story behind the story: Ruth and Eileen really existed, and the stories were more or less real. They were made into a Broadway play, and a musical, Wonderful Town, with music by Leonard Bernstein and lyrics by Comden and Green. It was also made into a movie (1942) starring Rosalind Russell with a cameo by the Three Stooges (That's why I queued this up! I thought it was the other version!). This version, however, doesn't have music by Bernstein, Comden and Green. They wanted too much money, so Jule Steyn did this one (1955 - try to keep track).

Did I mention they also made a TV series out of the stories in 1960? Or that the real-life Eileen married Nathaniel West (Day of the Locust) and died with him in a car wreck the day after Hemingway died? Why haven't I heard of any of this?

Anyway, Garrett does a great Eve Arden-style sharp-witted/tongued dame who will never get the guy. Janet Leigh does a nice breathy blonde - reminds me of Marie Wilson in My Friend Irma (was that radio show based on this story as well?). The story seems like an afterthought - it never seems to gel. Jack Lemmon as Garrett's editor seems out of place, like a 60's character in a 40's musical. Which brings me around to the choreography.

Choreography by Bob Fosse (who also plays one of Eileen's beaux). That means lots of walking around stiffly with jazz hands and angular attitudes. I love his style, but I'd hardly call it dancing. But it's so jazz!

Prince among Men and Others

We're having a kind of children's fantasy festival, so we took in Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Most satisfying.

The Pevensie kids from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe are back in Narnia, called by a blast from Lucy's hunting horn. Although only a year has past in the "real world", it centuries later in Narnia than their last visit. Narnia has been overrun by Telamarines (as in "Go Telamarines, the sailors won't believe you") and the magic creatures driven underground. The Telamrine Prince Caspian, an Inigo Montoya imitator, is sympathetic to their cause, especially as his uncle has usurped him, and he is on the run.

The heroic Pevensie's and the magic animals and dwarves all come to the rescue, but all looks lost until the deus ex leo shows up. He offers the Telamarines a chance to be ethnically cleansed from the land, which they accept. This seems a little creepy, since they seem a touch Mediterranean, rootless, and cosmopolitan (= Jews), but what the heck.

Best parts:

• Reepacheep, the valiant rat (called Mouse by one and all), voiced by Eddie Izzard.
• The White Witch, Tilda Swinton, back for a short cameo. Oh, how I'd missed her.

In conclusion, bring on the Dawn Treader!

Performance Anxiety

I remember everybody's Performance came out in 1970: a mixture of "Perfect!" and "WTF?" Yet, somehow, no one I know saw it, until I did, just now.

The concept: James Fox is a London thug, an enforcer who gets in over his head and has to hide out. He finds Turner, a reclusive washed-up pop star played by Mick Jagger, who has a basement room in his rundown suburban house. He also has a couple of birds:

• Anita Pallenberg, who in real life was Brian Jones' and Keith Richard's lover. She co-wrote the movie and moves the story along in several places - not just by appearing nude a lot.
• Michele Breton, who looks enough like Jagger to give you double vision.
  

Turner's menage, especially Pallenberg, start playing with Fox's head, feeding him magic mushrooms, getting him involved with kinky sex, and finally, fitting him up in a wig and makeup, Turner-style, while Jagger makes himself over as a flash gangster and sings his solo hit "Memo from Turner".

A note on the music: the soundtrack is mostly slide guitar blues, conducted by Randy Newman, featuring Ry Cooder and Lowell George, among many others.

Another feature: Lots of roughtrade AC/DC naughtiness. We see Fox stripped, whipped and taunted as a poofter - I'm sure this would appeal to some tastes. Not mine, particularly, and there's plenty of nakey women if you prefer that sort of thing. But special love is lavished on the kinky stuff.

In conclusion, do they really make Fox into an imitation of Jagger? I say, "No!" Fox has a foxier face and is completely missing Jagger's trademark lips. My theory: He is made into an imitation of Brian Jones, the deceased Stones guitarist. The slide guitar soundtrack seems reminiscent of Jones, the dandified outfit Fox is set up in recalls Jones' fashion sensibilities, and Fox had the lost, drugged look that haunted Jones' last years. My theory has one flaw - Performance was made in 1968, when Jones was still alive, even though it wasn't released until 1970, the year after Jones' death due to misadventure.

Vogue Wanger!

Walter Wanger's Vogues of 1938:Terrible movie or greatest title ever? So, it seems that in 1938, one Walter Wanger wanted to produce a movie, musical and fashion show, all in one technicolor package. He got Warren Baxter and Joan Bennett, some musical numbers, and went nuts.

Bennett is a penniless society playgirl marrying a rich stiff for his money. Baxter (a kind of Walter Huston strong, older man type) runs the fashion house that is running up her trousseau. She decides not to get married, but to work as his model, and, considering the publicity, he figures it is worth it. Now if only his silly wife would drop out of the picture...

Bennett's pure mercenary house-wrecking is rather daring. Other than that, the movie is pretty much pure spectacle: color, fashion, music. We get to visit the Cotton Club of Harlem, and El Maroc, and it all ends in a musical fashion show. I had been expecting something from Poverty Row, but this was definitely prestige. Max Factor invented a special cake makeup for the panchromatic film stock - it became known as pan-cake makeup. True story.

I had never heard of Walter Wanger before, but he produced a bunch of movies - from the Marx Bros. The Cocoanuts to Elizabeth Taylor's Cleopatra. He made Winter Carnival, the movie mascot of my alma mater. Good for him.

In conclusion, if the stars, the technicolor, the music, the fashion doesn't attract you to this, there is one more thing: Mischa Auer.