Sectioned Out

We are big Star Trek fans, but pretty much only TOS. So I had heard that Michelle Yeoh was in one of the new series, but didn't pay much attention. But when I saw Star Trek: Section 31 (2025) at the library, I figured, Michelle Yeoh, Star Trek, how bad could it be? Actually, I already knew the concensus was "pretty bad." But we watched it anyway, and eagerly. 

It starts on a moisture farm on a dusty planet in the Mirror Dimension. A young version of Michelle Yeoh, Phillipa Georgiu, comes home to her family, and tells them about the Imperial selection process she has been through. Children from all over the galaxy, competing and fighting, until only one was left. She had made a secret partnership with another contestant and it was down to the two of them. The last challenge: kill your family, which she does, and is crowned Emperor.

Back in the home dimension, a team from Section 31 is looking for Yeoh. She has left her dimesion and is hiding out, running a fancy bar outside Federation space. The team is run by Omari Hardwicke, a remnant of the Eugenics Wars. The team also includes:

• Humberly Gonzalez, an irresistibly sexy Deltan
• Sam Richardson, a Chameloid shapeshifter
• Robert Kazinsky, a meathead in an exoskeleton
• Sven Ruygrok, a microscopic intelligence piloting a robot Vulcan body
• Kacey Rohl, a tight-assed Star Fleet rep

These guys are all pretty silly. The meathead (metal head?) is really stupid, but strong. The microscopic guy's Vulcan body acts horny and goofy all the time. The straitlaced Star Fleet officer? Do you remember Annie in Community? Seemingly straight but secretly crazy? Yeoh diagnoses Rohl as being a "chaos goblin", which leads to a not very convincing change in style for her. 

Anyway, the team needs to get this destructive McGuffin, and Yeoh agrees. Her technique involves dimensionally phasing it so no one but her can pick it up - with consequences similar to the scene in Valerian. So her plan goes wrong, "mysterious" stranger (yes, we guessed who, too) takes McGuffin, and so on.

This was a dumb, not very good movie. In fact, the screenwriters kept admitting it - "So tacky - just what you're known for." Also, they are at pains to remind you that Yeoh was a genocidal tyrant, wiping out whole planets for power. And she didn't really seem to regret it. Just to spoil the ending, she solves the problem of the McGuffin by using it to sterilize the Mirror Dimension. But because the movie was so clearly dumb, because so much of it was just silly, and because it's Michelle Yeoh, we enjoyed it. A lot, actually - it was perfect for Big Dumb Friday, when we turn off our brains. 

But I wish it had been a little more Star-Treky. There were transporters and tricorders, sure, but none of the traditional sound effects. At least, they did actually fly in a garbage scow.