We’re Going to Need a Better Movie

The way I heard it, Jason Statham swore he’d never work on a film against CGI monsters. Then came The Meg (2018).

It starts with Statham trying to rescue a bunch of sailors from a crippled sub. When he sees a mysterious creature crushing it, he leaves before everyone gets out. He is ousted from the Navy Rescue Squad (or whatever) in disgrace.

Some years later, Elon-Musk-like tycoon Rainn Wilson is showing off his underwater research lab to Winston Chao, his daughter Li Bingbing and her little girl. When the girl is alone looking out through the transparent walls, a giant shark attacks and nearly smashes through.

Meanwhile, Li is leading a project to send Statham’s ex-wife Ruby Rose, Masi Oka and Olafur Darri Olafsson take a sub to the bottom of the ocean, which has been obscured by a thermocline of hydrogen sulfide (I don’t need to explain these terms, do I?). And of course, they get struck by a mysterious creature and get stuck. Li heads down to save them, but a giant squid attacks - and gets chewed up by a giant shark. It’s time to call in the cavalry: Jason Statham, who has been drinking in Thailand since his last disgrace.

He rescues most of them, but Masi Oka stays behind, sacrificing himself for the rest can get away. This seems to be a pattern for Statham’s rescues - he can’t seem to get to 100%.

Anyway, we eventually get to the Jaws tribute, when the Meg (the big shark is a prehistoric megalodon) shows up at a crowded Chinese beach resort. This is mostly played for laughs, with a silly little dog swimming around being menaced, etc. In the end, Statham swims over and stabs it to death. The end. Or is it?

There’s a lot to like about this movie: Wilson’s dopey billionaire, Statham’s swimming, special effects, humor... But it doesn’t really add up to much. It was probably put together by a committee, and one that had its eye on the global market - it’s a Chinese production with an international cast and an American director, Jon Turteltaub (National Treasure). 

Maybe it would have been better with the Rock.