Super Duper

I don't know if I'm alone in this, but I liked Supergirl (2026).

It stars Milly Allcock as Kara Zor-El, supergirl. She's on an interplanetary bender - under a red sun, she's no longer super, and alcohol gets her drunk. Superman Facetimes her sometimes to see if she is coming back to Earth, but she's not done drinking. 

On this same planet, a band of Brigands, led by Mattias Schoenaerts, are menacing a farm family. They kill the parents and son, but their young daughter, Eve Ridley, survives.

Allcock is drinking in a mercenary bar when Ridley comes in with a sword and announces that she is after vengeance, and whoever helped her could have the family's valuable sword. It's a sort of "My name is Inigo Montoya" speech. Most of the crowd laughs at her and Allcock ignores her. But one big bruiser just walks up and takes the sword, and goes outside to leave, Allcock finds this impolite, and says she'll go out to talk to him. After trying reason, she beats him up and takes the sword back. Even under a red sun, she can kick ass. 

The next day, while Allcock is nursing a hangover, Ridley shows up at her spaceship RV, and unfortunately, so do the Brigands. In the fight, the Brigands shoot Superpup Krypto with a slow poison. The Brigands use it for torture or extortion - the victim will die in three days unless they can get the antidote from the Brigands. So now Allcock has to catch the interplanetary bus to go after them. Will Ridley tag along? 

On their way, they run into a dirtbag bounty hunter named Lobo, played by Jason Momoa. Ridley wants him to join their quest, but Allcock warns her not to make eye contact, because he's a jerk. Will he be in on the final battle?

OK, the questions are a bit ingenuous. Of course Ridley comes along, and her innocence inspires Allcock to be a bettr superhero. And I mention Momoa, because he's got the best line in the movie. When he meets Allcock later, he says, "Hey, you're that ditz from the dive bar!" and she replies, "Funny, that's what I've been calling you."

I like slightly silly interplanetary adventures with fun characters and interesting dilemmas. I don't really know why everyone hated this - or did they? It didn't do much in theaters, but that happens a lot these days. Then there's the problem some (loud) critics have with strong female protagonists. Or is the problem that she isn't strong enough? After all, she's a drunk with PTSD from losing her whole planet. But a hero "refusing the call" is a standard trope. Some people complained that -SPOILER- Momoa saves her ass in the last big fight, but that's not such a big deal.

And of course, Krypto lives to piss on the Fortress of Solitude again. 

Hunka Hunka

I was looking for a musical concert type film, and remembered EPiC: Elvis Presley in Concert (2025) in my JustWatch.com watchlist. It was directed by Baz Lurman from outtakes and other footage from Elvis' early seventies shows, including a lot in Las Vegas. He used this trove as research for his Elvis movie, but here he has assembled a sort of narrative documentary. 

It starts with Elvis getting out of the Army and making a bunch of bad movies. At some point he decides he needs to go back on tour, do some concerts, connect with the audience. And so he does, and we go along with him. We see him sing, rehearse and meet the audiences. Seeing one Vegas audience is a little funny - it seems to be all 40-year old women and 60-year old men. But there are some screaming girls at other shows (maybe cheaper than Vegas dinner theater?).

We do get to see plenty of his performances, although this isn't quite a concert film. We also get to see some rehearsals, and you get to see a lot of his goofy side, always with the funny faces, the grimaces when he messes up, and so on. You see this in the performances as well. I'm a bit dismissive of Elvis' work on stage - it's pretty campy. But EPiC made me think he knows how camp it is, and he's leaning into it. It's a little embarrassing, but he knows he's got to go over the top to sell these songs the way he wants to.

And they are some great songs. Always on My Mind, In the Ghetto, Poke Salad Annie, Suspicious Minds, the first public performance of Hunk of Burning Love. He has the TCB Band, along with a male choir and the Sweet Inspirations for back up. He's not my favorite musician, but there's no denying his power. 

Lurman cuts the material he has together in a fun but not to showy way. Every now and then, he'll hit a "plot point" - Elvis's mother's death, or his frustrated wish to tour to world - and he'll do a sort of psychedelic effect, with heavy echo and some camera distortion. Just keeping his hand in.

I think I might have liked this more than Elvis. but it's certainly a great appendix to that movie. 

Classic Black and White

In the mood for some more black and white, I queued up Woman Chases Man (1937), picked more or less at random from Prime Video. 

Charles Winninger is a tycoon who is broke. He needs money to complete his housing development, or he will be wiped out. His son, Joel McCrea, has money from his late mother, but thinks his father is a crackpot, who will only lose the money. He's on a cruise, but is on his way home. 

Enter Miriam Hopkins, a newly graduated architecture student who has houses designed for the development, looking for a job. When she finds out Winninger has no money, she faints. She hasn't been eating.

Once she has brought up to speed, she comes up with a simple plan. She'll vamp McCrea into coming across with the money. She has seen paintings of him looking noble, and wimpy, and figures it will be easy. She doesn't reckon with him being Joel McCrea.

Once McCrea shows up, with his golddigging girlfriend and her Russian "uncle" (lover), the usual screwball antics take over. Wininger hides (for some reason?), pals are brought in to play servants (Broderick Crawford as Hunk), meals are cooked without food ot gas, etc. Frankly, it isn't exactly hilarious. 

But it is bright, cute and cheerful. It ends with McCrea getting drunk - which he never does because it makes him want to spend money, and winds up in a tree. So, a happy ending. 

I watched Bulldog Drummond Strikes Back (1934) on Archive.org - a good resource for random out-of-copyright movies. In this movie, Ronald Coleman makes an excellent Drummond, while Charles Butterworth is his pal Algy. Algy is getting married to Una Merkel, and Drummond promises police inspector C. Aubrey Smith that he is giving up adventuring. 

But walking home from the wedding in the fog, he stumbles on a corpse. But when the police show up, there is no corpse. just the home of a wealthy Asian (Warner Oland, of course). As usual, he ropes C. Aubrey in, and gets Butterworth out of his honeymoon bedroom to join his quest to get to the bottom of this. All this adventure needs is a beautiful woman - and who should walk in but Loretta Young.

This adventure all takes place in one night, with the inspector getting no sleep and Algy getting no chance to sonsumate his nuptials. Along with the disappearing corpse, Young's hotel room, and whole identity disappear. There is a secret code that only Algy can break, and of course, Deadly "orientals", including Mischa Auer! 

Coleman makes a great Drummond, the greatest perhaps. This movie isn't afraid to be silly, but there's still plenty of action. 

Now, really what I wanted to watch was Madame Satan on Archive.org,  but I couldn't get it to play correctly. I've found a different version, though. I hope to see this classic soon. 

It's Stinks

I've had a copy of Freejack (1992) in my library for a while (bought it together with Performance), and I decided it was time. What a great idea.

Emilio Estevez stars as an upcoming racecar driver named Alex Furlong. He lives with Rene Russo, and plans to marry her if he wins some races. But instead, there is a terrible. But a group from the future are ready - they grab him and pull him into the dystopian, diseased future. You see, in this future, they can transfer the minds of the wealthy into young, healthy bodies. The problem is there are no healthy bodies anymore - too much drugs and pollution. So rich Anthony Hopkins goes to the past for his new body.

But before his mind can be wiped for transfer, her escapes, becoming a "freejack" in the awkward parlance of the future. Hopkins sends his best freejack hunters after him - a guy dubiously named Vacendak, played by Mick Jagger! 

After bumbling around through the various routine firefights and tank battles of the dystopia, he finds his old manager, David Johansen. Will he help Estevez find Russo, or sell him out? Come on, take a guess

I've known about this movie for a while, mainly from bad movie podcasts. How Did This Get Made did an amazing episode on it, where Jessica St. Clair talks about her Philadelphia family's Faberge egg collection. But the movie seemed very MST3K coded to me. The goofy mini-tanks, the squad leader shouting "Move, move, move!", and Mick Jagger himself, looking at Estevez's racing, and saying, "He's good!" If only he'd made an OK sign and said, "It stinks!"

This is a bad movie, no two ways about it. It was clearly made with some money, and the cast list looks pretty solid for a B movie - not even counting Jagger's stunt casting. (He isn't bad, although I'm sure he can smell the stink on this.) But it isn't so bad it's hard to watch. In fact, it's so bad, it's good. 

Honey Murder

I've mentioned my love of Dorothy Sayer's Lord Peter Wimsey stories. I recently discovered Busman’s Honeymoon (1940), a movie version of the last of the series existed. Not only that, but it stars Robert Montgomery and Constance Cummings and is available on YouTube. 

Montgomery plays Lord Peter, an aristocratic amateur detective and Cummings plays Harriet Vane, a mystery novelist who Peter wooed for 4-5 books. They are getting married, and they both swear that they will abandon detecting in favor of matrimony. Cummings mentions that she loved the old house she was brought up in, Tallboys in Cornwall. So Montgomery nips out and secretly buys the place for her.

The owner was William Noakes, a nasty and miserly sort. He meets with a number of people that night, all of whom he owes money to - and none are paid. 

The next evening, the newlyweds arrive in Wimsey's Dusenberg, with Bunter (Sir Seymour Hicks), their butler, tenderly protecting a case of wine. They can't raise anyone, although they expected to be given the keys and perhaps a bite to eat. Finally, they get a key from Noakes' mousy niece.

The next day they are settling in, trying to get the chimney to draw, meeting the Reverend, and so on. This seems to go on for days, before they discover Noakes' body in the cellar, bludgeoned to death. Will Lord and Lady Wimsey be able to resist detecting when a murder is found, right under their feet?

First, let me say that American Robert Montgomery is an odd choice for a British aristocrat. But we do like him, and if you ignore his American-ness, his light style works rather well for Wimsey. Cummings as Vane works better, but is a bit less interesting than she could have been. It was originally going to be Robert Donat and Maureen O'Sullivan, but the film was shelved during the war, and recast when things quieted down. It would have been a different movie, and probably better.

But what's here is quite enjoyable. The eccentric locals, played by some fine character actors (including Robert Newton, using his local accent), are fun to watch. It takes way too long to get to the murder, and the resolution is ridiculous - but it was in the original story. In fact, it's a famously far-fetched murder method. 

I guess it wasn't very good as a Peter Wimsey movie (although better than the last one we watched). But it was a fine as a pleasant, black-and-white cozy mystery. And it did have Harriet's beloved Tallboys, and Peter's beloved Dusenberg, and of course, everybody's beloved Bunter. 

Ashes, Redux

I really don't have a lot to say about Avatar: Fire and Ash (2025). There's a lot going on in this 3-1/2 hour movie, but not of a lot of it sticks. 

So, Sam Worthington in his Na'vi body, with wife Zoe Saldana is living with the sea people and his kids. They are grieving the death of one son at the hands of evil Stephen Lang. They also hang with Jack Champion, the gone-native son of Lang - Saldana kid of wants him dead for a pink skin. And Lang wants Worthington dead and Champion back on base with the corporate human faction.

The fun begins when the corporation meet the Ash tribe, a feral group who take nose drugs and deny the goddess of the world, called Enya (check that later). They are lead by sexy Geraldine Chaplin, covered in ash body paint, with a narrow belt for a bra. She is savage and hot. Lang likes her style, and recruits her tribe as allies in the war against the Na'vi, and particularly Worthington.

Then when Champion has run out of the oxygen he needs to survive, one of the family kids hooks him up to Enya Oyva Eywa, and he gets a new set of lungs that can breathe like a Na'vi. If mankind learns this trick, the Na'vi will have no chance. 

That's the setup. There will be a bunch of action scenes, and a lot of Lang and Worthington having to work together to save Champion. There are a lot of situations highlighting the differences and similarity between Marine and Na'vi warrior cultures. You know, they aren't so different... Oh never mind. 

Of course, the whole thing looks awesome. Every frame an album cover. the action scenes are very well done, with a lot of flying and some underwater work (calling back to the last big fight in the last movie). However, for some reason, I couldn't warm up to this movie - same as the last two. I guess it's in the writing. Somehow it fails to get me interested in any of these characters. Maybe because it's all over the place, overflowing with themes. Maybe it's because Sam Worthington is sounding (and his avatar looking) more and more like Mel Gibson (ugh). 

It's a puzzle to me. These should be my favorite movies. Instead, I enjoy watching them, get annoyed after the third or fourth ending, then forgetting the whole thing the minute it's over. Oh well, can't complain about sexy Geraldine Chaplin. 

Oh, wait, yes I can. Her character has a nasty habit of forcing nonconsensual ponytail contact - not cool girl. It even cool when Saldana ponytail rapes her in revenge.  

Room Reno

It was funny  watching The Doorman (2020) right after Hokum. Both take place mostly in a closed hotel. Not many other similarities. This is your basic one-woman army action movie. 

It starts with our heroine, Ruby Rose, as one of the guards in a limo convoy for a high government official and her young daughter. They are ambushed and massacred. Only she survives. Then she wakes up. SPOILER - this has pretty much nothing to do with the rest of the movie, it just establishes that she has PTSD.

Since she is apparently out of the Army, she needs a new job. Her uncle is a handyman in a New York hotel and gets her a job as doorman. The other doorman is a cheerful Slav played by Aksel Henning. Since the hotel is being closed for renovation, the job will be pretty easy. 

It turns out that her brother-in-law (Rupert Evans) is living in the hotel with his young daughter and teen son. The wife, Rose's sister, is dead, and she is not in communication with them. Her uncle set her up for a reconciliation. She does meet and the little girl is so cute, she agrees to have Easter dinner with them. The hotel will be closed, leaving with only this family staying over for the holiday and an older couple who can't easily move.

And so, with everyone else out, Rose comes in with a pie, and Henning kills her uncle in the locker room. Then he invites in Jean Reno and a group of thugs. He has business with that old couple. The old man has some paintings that he wants. The hitch is that he has had a stroke and can't remember where they are hidden. So this may take a while. And the search may include Rose's family's apartment. 

The rest is pretty rote. Some cat-and-mouse stuff. The little girl is taken hostage. The teen learns that fighting is hard. The hotel is locked up and comms are cut so our heroes can't get out or call for help. And so on. 

Reno is that well-mannered, world-weary and ruthless criminal. He also seems pretty checked out - doesn't really light up the screen. Henning is pretty good as a fun seeming guy who is a total killer. I like Rose a lot. She looks fierce and credible in her fight scenes. 

But, let's face it. This isn't a great movie. It is nicely stripped down - maybe could have stripped out the prologue - but doesn't break new ground. Oh well, I like a female-led action films, even when they let me down. But here's a question - does this count since Ruby Rose is gender fluid?

Maybe this should go into the "blue-collar occupation titled action movies" genre, like The Courier, The Mechanic and The Beekeeper. 

Haunted Hotel

Ms. Spenser has a cold, which means she doesn't have the strength to work, which means she gets to watch a movie - a horror movie: Hokum (2026).

Hokum starts in a desert. A conquistador with a treasure map in a bottle is trekking a wasteland, followed by a boy. When he feels he is close, he finds out that he can't get the map out of the bottle - and he can't break the bottle because everything around is soft. So he has the kid turn around, and gets ready to use his skull to break the bottle.

Then you find out that this is a story, being written by Scott Adams. He lives in a sterile, modernist house, and he's stuck on the ending. He decides that it's time to spread his parents ashes, and decides on Ireland, in a place where they were happy.

He shows up in Ireland at a little hotel and is immediately a jerk to everyone - the desk clerk, the owner telling ghost stories to the kids, the bellboy, the groundskeeper killing the goats that keep getting up on the parked cars. He is only civil to Fiona (Florence Ordesh), the bartender. She even helps him figure out the exact location of a great tree his parents visited. 

Out in the forest, he finds the tree and leaves his parents ashes - then discovers that he has an audience. An old hippie or bum (David Wilmot) is watching him, sipping magic mushrooms in goat's milk. Seems nice.

Back at the hotel, the bellboy chats with him, and tries to get him to read his book. Scott is dismissive, and finally burns the back of the bellboys hand to get him to leave. Later, when Ordesh wants to return his tape recorder, she finds him hanged in his room. She cuts him down.

He wakes up in hospital, happy to be alive. He wants to thank Ordesh, but she's been missing since Halloween. Wilmot, the hippie, is suspected. But when Scott meets Wilmot, he thinks she is being held captive in the hotel, possibly in the honeymoon suite. 

Now, the honeymoon suite has been locked up for a few years, possibly to keep a witch in. But as the hotel is going to be closed and empty for the off season, Jerry proposes that they sneak in when everyone has left and find Ordesh. 

As you can imagine, they get locked in, and the hotel is not empty. There is at least one human villian, and more than likely, some who are not human. 

It's more than a little weird watching Scott in a non-comic role. He starts out so obnoxious, you wonder if you should be laughing. In fact, a lot of the movie is sort of maybe funny, before it gets hairy. 

And it gets quite hairy. As usual, the witch is the least of the problems - it's the humans that are really evil (Ms. Spenser is tired of this, and prefers real ghosts and monsters). The setting, an old hotel with some hidden features, is used pretty effectively. I have to say, there isn't a lot of Irishism going on, but that's probably for the best. At the risk of spoiling -SPOILER- there is a possible explanation for all the odd stuff going on - mushroom milk. 

And in the end, Scott re-writes the end to his story. The conquistador offers his own head to break the bottle and he and the kid embrace. 

Down by the Ocean

I'd never heard of Celebration at Big Sur (1971) before I saw a mention on Reddit. So I looked it up on Youtube, and there it was. It was a commercially released film about a folk/rock concert that took place at Esalen about a month after Woodstock. The stars included Joan Baez, CSNY, and Joni Mitchell, but they weren't the only stars.

Esalen, by the way, is a holistic study center in Big Sur. They held a small yearly folk-oriented festival, but the one in 1969 generated a lot of interest, due to the sensation that was Woodstock. Because it's sort of perched on a steep slope above the ocean, there was only room for a few hundred people. There was no publicity, and tickets were an outrageous $4. Thousands showed up and camped out on the shoulders of Rt. 1. Surprisingly, the outsiders were pretty well-behaved.

Joan Baez sang a few autobiographical songs: Song for David, about her husband jailed for antiwar activism, and Sir Galahad, about her sister Mimi's second husband. CSNY does a rocking version of Sea of Madness, and Down by the River, and Stephen Stills does a solo acoustic 4+20. John Sebastian sings I'll Paint Rainbows All Over Your Blues. Joni Mitchell sings Woodstock (first performance?), although I question her choice to end with some scat-yodelling. Mimi Farina and Julie Payne do Changes, and Carol Cisneros does a nice Mexican tune, Malaguena Salerosa. 

The hottest act, however, was Dorothy Combs Morrison and the Combs Sisters. They are sometimes credited as the Edwin Hawkins Singers, but I think that's because she sang Oh Happy Day with them. She is a strong gospel singer and sings three or four songs, including Oh Happy Day.

Mixed in with the music are behind the scenes vignettes and "interviews" with some of the non-attendants outside the venue. "Interviews" in quotes, because mostly they sorted of pointed the camera at them and let them rap. A science teacher in face paint talked about teaching in schools and on the road. He liked schools because he gets paid and has tenure. But he has painted his school bus (with a big "Woodstock") and plans to teach on the road. He has a little boy playing harmonica so he can dance during the discussion. "Twanger guy" played two notes on his little folk instrument and kind of improvised a blues tune about visiting his friend in LA and driving up to Big Sur. 

Twanger guy also talks about how tickets should be free. Inside, a disturbed man rails against greedy musicians getting paid for the concert, so Stephen Stills comes down to discuss it with him. It doesn't go well. 

There's also a scene in the hot springs bath that Esalen is famous for, with some far-out harmony singing. One person, not a fan of the baths, calls them smelly, sulferous, and hot. In another, someone spots a whale in the ocean, and everyone crowds around the cliff-side, rather dangerously. And so on.

I wish we got to hear more of the music. It was pretty hot. All the stuff with the fans and outsiders was actually kind of fun - at least I liked it. But I'd rather hear more Joni Mitchell. 

One for Me

I mainly watched The Three Musketeers: Milady (2023) for completeness sake. It's a sequel, and I wasn't completely sold by the first entry. WAs this one better, or was I just in the right mood. 

It starts where the last one left off: Constance (Luna Khoudri) has been kidnapped and D'Artagnan (Francois Civil) knocked out. He wakes up, captive of Gaston, the King's younger brother and main villain of the piece. He escapes and goes off to search for Constance. He thinks he's found her, but it turns out to be Milady (Eva Green), shackled and chained. She promises that she can help him find Constance, so he breaks her out. Of course, she tries to seduce him, but he stays faithful to his Constance. 

After a few more fights, she tries again, literally ripping her bodice off. This time, he doesn't resist as hard - until he sees the fleur de lis branded on her shoulder. He then realizes that she is Athos' treacherous wife, supposedly dead.

Meanwhile, Aramis discovers that his sister, now a nun, is pregnant. He decides that the father is a soldier now fighting at La Rochelle. In fact, many of the characters decide that the next step is towards La Rochelle. 

The main thing I liked about this entry is the fights. There were lots of long, no cut, handheld scenes. These were well choreographed as well as well shot. The plots were a bit complex - maybe I need to more versed in French history. But Milady made a great femme fatale, sympathetic until she tried to kill you. Constance is missing from most of the movie, so she's not as much fun. 

And if you don't mind a SPOILER, it ends with Athos' son captured. So I guess there is space for a third entry. 

The Ghost Who Walks

I rewatched The Phantom (1996) because I wanted to see if it was as bad as it's considered - including by me. 

It stars Billy Zane as the Phantom, Kit Walker. The movie's prologue tells about how a young boy survived a 17th C. pirate attack off the coast of Africa. He was rescued by a Bengalla tribe who raised him to fight piracy and injustice. This role was passed down from father to son for generations, making it appear that the Phantom is immortal.

In the present day (well, 1930s), a gang of tomb raiders led by James Remar are driving through the jungle, Sorcerer-style. They get the skull McGuffin they were sent for, but Billy Zane in his purple skin-tight suit comes riding through the jungle on his white horse, aided by his wolf devil. There is a long, fun action scene, including a collapsing bridge and some vine swinging. In the process, we find that Remar killed Zane's father, and thinks he has come back to life.

Back in New York, plucky reporter Kristy Swanson is meeting her uncle Bill Smitrovich, a newspaper publisher in cozy walnut paneled rooms. She wants to investigate the shadowy business man Treat Williams. A spiderweb symbol links him to pirates in Bengalla, so she gets a plane to Africa. Unfortunately, thee pirates are now air pirates.

The pirates, led by sultry Catherine Zeta Jones, forces them down, and takes them to her Bengalla hideout. So now we've got two sexy women for the Phantom to dally with. 

When he gets Swanson back to New York, we find out that in his civilian identity, he went to school with Swanson, and they had a fling. But the smoldering attraction must wait on some more McGuffin related adventures.

This movie has a bunch of great action scenes, including a jump from seaplane pontoon to galloping horse. There are some beautiful jungle settings, great second unit photography, and the New York scenes have a lovely old-timey upper class warmth. The cast is great, including Patrick McGoohan as the ghost of Zane's character, and Samantha Eggar as Swanson's mother. There are even a couple of great animal actors. So why wasn't this great? There were air pirates, for goodness sake.

Well, Zane looked more than a bit goofy in the skin-tight purple outfit. But I think the main problem was that it was originally planned for Joe Dante, and he co-wrote a campy script. When he lost the film (due to budget issues), the new director, Simon Wincer, didn't seem to realize that it was supposed to be silly. With a little more self-awareness, it might have worked. There are still some humor, and we don't want Zane winking at the camera, but this needed to take itself less seriously or more. 

Still pretty fun. This is one of the movies that were chasing the success of Dick Tracy. Like The Shadow and The Rocketeer, it didn't quite work - but it's still worth watching. 

Selling Drugs in the Community

I love Michael Jai White, so I watch a random movie of his every now and then. Most recently, Oscar Shaw (2026).

Shaw (White) is a retired police detective. We meet him meditating at home, then dressing in a nice suit, boutonniere and everything. He walks down to the neighborhood bar to chat with the bartender (Isiah Washington), another retired cop. He meets up with his retired ex-partner Tyrese Gibson, who is meeting with a suave Cuban-cigar passing-out Columbian (who will surely turn out to be the big villain). 

But all is not well in his town. A Korean grocery store is held up, one owner killed, and a young woman kidnapped. He decides to investigate on his own, and try to find her. His sister wants him to let the police take care of it, but he won't talk to them. The chief forced him out of his position, making him take the fall for internal corruption. We see drug dealing and shootouts in the street, and like someone says to White, "things were safer when you were on the job."

I'm not going to run down the plot. This is a pretty lurid movie, with a lot of violence. And White, with his classy outfit, calm competence and meditation, is a great presence, maybe a bit over the top. But here's the problem: there is almost no fighting in this. He does disarm and shoot a roomful of baddies, but it ends with him disarming one last gunman by talking him out of it. Nice touch, but I want to see this talented martial artist dance.

I guess this was a fine movie, but without White's presence, I wouldn't have bothered. In fact, if I'd know they'd left out his martial artistry, I probably wouldn't have bothered. I'm seeing more of these movies (like Dead Zone), and it's bumming me out. I'll be more careful from here on out. 

The Apple, My Eye

I've listened to several bad movie podcasts about The Apple (1980). Or maybe just one, but it was such a bad movie, it seemed like several.

It's basically a near-future disco dystopia. The future seems to be controlled by the Global Vision Song Contest (an expansion of the Euro Vision?). An evil impressario called Mr. Boogalow (Vladek Sheybal) controls it from behind the scenes, along with a flamboyant Ruby Rod type producer. Their band is called BIM. They make a sort of neo-fascist disco new wave music, very popular with the kids. But the Canadian entry is an acoustic duet made up of Alphie (George Gilmour) and Bibi (Catherine Mary Stewart). They sing a sweet and heartfelt ballad, which would have beaten BIM, if they weren't sabotaged.

So Boogalow decides to co-opt them, and invites them to a big, decadent after-party. Alphie isn't into it, but Bibi is. Soon, Bibi is singing for BIM and Alphie is out. He is living in a tiny apartment, renting from Mariam Margoyles (Nursie from Blackadder). She convinces him to go after Bibi. 

He gets her free from the BIMsters, and they follow an old hippy into a cave below an underpass. After some time, during which Alphie grows a beard and Bibi has a baby, Mr. Boogalow finds them, and wants Bibi to finish her contract. What will they do?

OK, you asked for it. SPOILER - The old hippie shows up driving a Rolls-Royce through the sky. He is now cleaned up and called Mr. Topps. And he takes all the good people up to heaven, because he is the creator of the universe, and he's going to try again. This time without the evil Mr. Boogalow and his Apple (which really doesn't do much in this story). 

Well, this is a pretty incoherent story, but also, the music is quite bad. The dystopian aspect include cheap hologram BIM stickers that you are required by law to put on your face. So evil, so trendy. This is a Cannon film, written and directed by Menachem Globus. Let me tell you, he's no Roger Corman.

Colour Me Surprised

As a big Terry Pratchett fan, I was pretty psyched to find The Colour of Magic (2008). Discovering that the cast included Sean Astin, Tim Curry (recently deceased at time of writiing), Christopher Lee and Jeremy Irons was just a bonus. 

To start off, the story takes place on Discworld, a flat planet perched on four elephants, on the back of an enormous space turtle named A'Tuin. Scientists on the edge of the world are studying A'Tuin, and are planning to launch an extra-disc space expedition to determine A'Tuin's sex. This will become important later. 

We now come to Ankh-Morpork, the disc's largest and most corrupt city. David Jason plays Rincewind, the most inept wizard in the Unseen University. We meet him as he is being expelled. While he is failing to commit suicide, he runs into Sean Astin, playing Twoflower, a Discworld's first tourist. As a tourist, he wears a bright tee-shirt and speaks slowly and loudly. He also has a trunk on feet made of Sapient Pearwood that is filled with gold coins. Rincewind quickly signs on as his tour guide. 

At the university, the wizards are all vying to improve their standing in the hierarchy, and the only way to move is "dead man's pointy shoes." Assassination abounds, and Tim Curry, Trymon, is an expert, aiming to become Arch-Chancellor. One thing he'll need it to master the greatest spellbook in the disc, the Octavo. The problem is that one of it's eight spells is gone. It lives in Rincewind's head. In fact, it fills his head to the point that he can't master any other spells. That's why he was expelled.

So, Rincewind and Twoflower are running around the disc, Twoflower trying to see the sights, Rincewind trying to stay alive. But as a tourist, Twoflower is strangely impervious to danger, and the spell in Rinceworld's head seems to protect him. He keeps running into Death, but not dying. They get accidentally launched into space (as mentioned). They run into the most feared man on the disc, Cohen the Barbarian (David Bradley, now old and toothless, but deadly as ever. He even rescues a beautiful virgin from being sacrificed, Laura Haddock. 

But there seems to be an evil red star in the sky, and it's getting bigger. If only the wizards had control of the eight spells in the Octavo to save Discworld. Oh, well.

This "movie" is actually a two part series by the BBC, directed by Vadim Jean. He also directed the earlier Hogfather. That is a "Christmas" movie (or Hogmanny) and we watch it every year. Strangely, I haven't posted about Hogfather, but I have posted about this movie! Funny, I didn't remember that we'd seen it at all. Well, it was fifteen years ago. This post doesn't really add much, but I've already written it so I'll let it stand.

Hit Me One More Time

I remembered liking the remake (?), so I thought I'd give the original a shot: Hitman (2007). This version have Timothy Olyphant as Agent 47.

The agents are children, possibly genetically modified, raised to be assassins, with a barcode tattooed on the back of the neck. Olyphant gets an assignment to kill the Russian president Ulrich Thomsen, and to do it with a splash - he prefers to make it look like an accident. He completes the mission, but his superiors tell him that Thomsen survived, and also that a bystander, Olga Kurylenko, knows too much and must be killed.

But when he meets her, he can tell she had never seen him before. Then, someone tries to kill him, and he realizes that he has been set up. Kurylenko lets him know that Thomsen uses a body double. It turns out that the double ordered the hit on the real Thomsen, so he could take his place.

So Olyphant and Kurylenko go on the run, from both Thomsen and from the law.

As an action movie, this was fine - the action was about standard. It didn't feel quite as cool as I expected, although well-dressed bald assassins are always worth a few points. The best part was seeing logical, emotionless killing machine Agent 47 finding himself feeling for Kurlyenko. He is human after all. 

But I think I like the 2015 version better. I don't know if the director, Xavier Gens, wasn't up to it, or if I liked Rupert Friend better as Agent 47. Maybe it just had a better budget.

Fall of the Roman Movie

I picked up The Last Legion (2007) thinking it was either Centurion or The Eagle. I can never remember those titles. If it wasn't, I figured it was sort of based on the same Lost Legion story. It kind of is, but mostly not. Oh well, at least Ben Kingsley is in it.

It starts by telling the myth of a famous sword, forged in Britain, to be wielded by the ruler of the Roman Empire. Then we go to Rome, and meet Thomas Brodie-Sangster, a little Roman street kid, who sneaks into General Colin Firth's tent ot check out his sword. He is caught and is about to get his hand chopped off, when Ben Kingsley shows up, does a little kung fu, and takes him back to the palace. You see, he is actually the young Caesar, about to be crowned that day.

But these are the last days of the Roman Empire, and the Goths, led by Peter Mullan, take the city. They kill Brodie-Sangster's parents and are about to kill him, when Kingsley convinces them that he will be more useful as a hostage than as a martyr. He also uses some gobbledegook about omens and curses. So the kid and Kingley sent to prison on Capri. 

But Colin Firth and a few of his legionnaires are still alive, and are on the trail. With the help of a mysterious Eastern warrior, they set him free. But where can they go? The Eastern Empire has made a deal with the Goths, all Gaul and Germania are in their power, and only the famous 9th Legion in northern England is still loyal to Rome. So off they go.

But when they get to Hadrian's Wall, they find a desolate ruin. A nearby town has nothing but British farmers - or so it seems. Some are legionnaires who have married and gone native. After all, the empire deserted them. It's a good life, but they are threatened by a local warlord called Vortgyrn. This time, will they prevail?

On paper, this sounds fine - a kid's adventure, with lots of derring-do, great actors, and exotic locales. Sadly, it is not. Although there is a lot of action, it is all completely bloodless, to stay kid friendly, I guess. Kingsley's mystical character is hobbled by having him spout all kinds of pseudo-spiritual nonsense, sometimes in extended monologues. Nobody gets much characterization, except to be super evil or noble. The mysterious Eastern warrior I mentioned turns out to be a beautiful Indian woman trained in a martial art that doesn't exist. 

There was one instance of humor that I enjoyed - Firth is ready to fight off a three or four Goths, then four or five more show up, and he's still game. When a dozen more join the fight, he does this "Oh, for the love of..." expression that got a chuckle out of me. 

The end (SPOILER - Kinglsey is Merlin. The sword is Excaliber. Brodie-Sangster is Arthur's grandfather) is not bad. I liked the fall of Rome setting. Some kids might like this. I didn't.

Nuts in Mayhem

I picked Mayhem (2017) up on the strength of its category, Comedy-Horror, and its stars, Stephen Yuen and Samara Weaving. Good choice.

It opens with Yuen explaining the setup: a new virus has become pandemic. It causes a loss of all inhibitions, making people act out their every urg, including lust and anger. It turns at least one eye red, hence its nickname, Red-eye. It doesn't kill you, but someone else might. 

Yuen is a young idealistic partner at a prestigious law firm. When they are defending a man who killed someone in the grip of the virus, he finds the loophole that leads to a ruling of diminished capacity: Someone with red-eye can't be held responsible, even for murder. So he's become a big man in the firm.

He has a meeting with Samara Weaving, representing a group of home owners being foreclosed on. Yuen basically blows her off and has security escort her out. But it turns out he has bigger problems. 

It seems there was a mistake made on the Vanda Corp account, and he is being set up to take the fall. It was probably Caroline Chikezie, known as the Siren for whispering poisonous rumors to the higher-ups. They take it to the lead partner, and long story short, Yuen is fired. The HR goon known as the Reaper comes to deliver the news and has him escorted out.

But right about now, red-eye has been detected in the air system of the building. The building is put on complete quarantine. They are trapped - and also infected. That's one of the fun parts of this movie. I had guessed that it was one of those zombie movies, where our protagonists are the only ones who aren't infected. Nope - they've got it too. And they both want revenge. And until the quarantine is lifted, they have legal immunity to do it. 

And so begins their fight to ascend to the top level, protected by key card elevators and corporate goons. They arm themselves from a tool cage. Weaving looks particularly fetching wielding a nailgun. This all plays out with pandemonium in the background - people throwing folders in the air, copulating freely, fighting or just taking a nap. And of course, our protagonists are no more sane than the rest, just a bit more calculating. 

This was a fun gore-fest with quite a bit of social satire mixed in. I liked the fact that Yuen and Weaving were as affected as everyone else. Made for a little cute humor. We've seen one other movie by director Joe Lynch, Suitable Flesh. We liked the humor in this more.

Cat Fever

I probably saw Cat Ballou (1965) once or twice as a kid, but it was Ms. Spenser who clued me into how awesome it was - because of the Greek chorus of Stubby Kaye and Nat "King" Cole.

It starts with these two banjo players waiting for Cat Ballou (Jane Fonda) to be hanged, and telling her story in ballad style. Her story starts when she gets out of school, trained as a teacher. She got on a train to go see her dad in Wyoming, when she meets a convict (Michael Callan) being taken to prison and a drunk preacher. The preacher turns out to be the uncle of Callan, (Dwayne Hickman) and he helps him get free of his guard. Callan takes refuge in Fonda's sleeper bunk. She is too kind to scream, but he does take liberties - oh, well, he's soon out the window and gone from her life forever.

Fonda gets home and finds her father (John Marley) as cantankerous as ever. But his ranch is threatened by the developers of Wolf City. His only ally is an Indian, Tom Nardini, who he considers Jewish, as the Indians were the lost tribe of Israel. Soon the outlaws show up and are enlisted to resist the developers - until a gunslinger with a silver nose (Lee Marvin) shows up. Now, they're ready to face the law.

But Nardini suggests that they hire a gunslinger of their own. Based on the Western dime novels they read, they hire Kid Shaleen (also Lee Marvin). He shows up a drunken bum, barely able to hold his gun. But a big gulp of booze sets him right, and he's a dead shot. It lasts about 10 minutes before he's too drunk to function, as Callan says, "I've never seen a man get through a day so fast."

Sadly, he is sleeping it off when Fonda's dad is shot from afar. So Fonda does the only sensible. She takes her "gang" and starts robbing trains. 

This is a fun little comedy Western. Fonda is spunky and a little sexy - all the men are clearly in love with her, although only Callan courts her openly. In fact, Nardini quietly leaves, gently letting her know that as an Indian, he needs to stay away from her. It's also just a little darker than expected, with a few deaths taken seriously. I wonder if Fonda gets the drop in the last scene?

Kicking the Gong

Of course I've seen Stephen Chao's Shaolin Soccer (2001). But I guess I've never blogged it, so here goes. I got the urge to see it again, and got it from Hoopla.

It starts with Team Evil soccer star Ng Man-Tat throwing a game. The fans break his Golden Leg and his boss, Patrick Tse, refuses to pay him off. So he becomes a drunk. Many years later he comes across Stephen Chow, a Shaolin practitioner who wants to teach people to use kung fu for everyday living. But no one's interested and he's a ragged bum. Ng sees the power of his legs, and falls in with his plan. 

Zhao Wei is a young woman who uses her kung fu to make steamed buns. When Chow sees her, he is impressed (and steals some buns). He calls her beautiful, although she has terrible acne. She takes his worn-out ratty shoes as payment for the buns.

Now, Chow needs a team. He manages to convince his brothers, also kung fu experts in a variety of specialities, to join as well - there is an open entry tournament with a cash prize that seals the deadl. So they begin playing a demo game, and get clobbered, until they remember that they are Shaolin. Then they destroy the opposing team.

Also, Wei gets herself fancied up for Chow, but he liked her better before. She gets fired around her. But that may help her get her skin cleared up.

In fact, they go all the way to the finals - vs. Ng's old nemesis, Team Evil. It's a dirty game, and their goalie is taken out. They are about to forfeit, when Wei appears, with clear skin and a shaved head, ready to play.

This synopsis is sort of beside the point. The point is amazing stunts of kung fu integrated into soccer and other daily pursuits. The movie is often surreal - costumes might change arbitrarily, characters might comment on the movie they're in, and so on. That's not even to mention the impossible wire-fu/CGI-fu involved. 

It's also funny as heck. Maybe his best, edging out Kung Fu Hustle. 

Chan the Man

I went to another library book sale to pick out some cheap DVDs, including The Black Camel (1931), a Warner Oland Charlie Chan movie.

The movie is set in Honolulu, and at least partly filmed there. Movie star Dorothy Revier is making a movie, but seems distraught. She gets her psychic adviser, Bela Lugosi, to come and help her out. Her friend Sally Eilers is worried that Lugosi isn't a good influence. 

Oland as Chan enters undercover as a Chinese merchant, asking to see Lugosi. But Lugosi sees through the act, and Oland tells him that he is investigating the death of an actor a few years earlier. And then Revier is found murdered, and Eilers is acting pretty suspicious, especially since her boyfriend found the body.

I've seen a few Charlie Chans, and most have been stinkers. This one was much better. The location shooting is plain to see, not just because Diamond Head is in the background. It looked like there would even be a hula scene, but sadly, we only see some schoolgirls watching something that isn't shown. The comic relief wasn't Number One Son, but a police assistant (Otto Yamaoka?). His bit is to run in with a piece of irrelevant evidence, usually when Chan is in the middle of figuring something out. Oland tells him to go find something else, and he rushes off. It's a pretty good gag.

Lugosi is good here, as a suave psychic, and -- SPOILER -- and not the villain! All in all, very worth watching.