Hispanic Panic

It's hard to pass up a movie called Satanic Hispanics (2022). I didn't have much information about it other than that it was a Hispanic horror anthology. (Note: I got this from the library, where my phone reception is very poor, so no checking Rotten Tomatoes, etc). But it seemed likely. 

It starts with a massacre scene - a house full of people killed in various bloody ways. There is one survivor, Efren Ramirez. The police take him in for questioning, and he says he'll explain it all, but he has to be out of there in 90 minutes, or something bad will happen. He gives some random explanations, but decides to tell them a story.

This story takes place in a house in Argentina, where a young man, Demian Salomon, is waving his phone flashlight to show a pizza delivery guy something. But he doesn't see it. Salomon turns out to be a professional Rubik's Cuber, living in his deceased grandmother's house. But there is something there that he can only see if he waves the lights in the proper sequence. He brings in a psychic podcaster who doesn't see anything at first, then runs out. And that's before the thing appears in ordinary light.

This story doesn't do much for the police. So he tells another about a Halloween party at a bar, where a real vampire, Hemky Madera, has drained the whole crew. But he gets a phone call from his vampire girlfriend, Patricia Velasquez, reminding him about Daylight Savings Time, and that he needs to get home in a hurry. Since he can't turn into a bat like he used to, he needs a ride. This section is pretty What We Do In the Shadows, and also pretty funny.

The next story takes place in Mexico. Ari Gallegos has been working with the CIA to take down a politician. Now he is being chased by nahuales - traditional shapeshifters. This section is dead serious, and sort of shows an imagined ritual attack, with only a touch of actual magic. 

The last section features, surprise! Jonah Ray, from MST3K! What's he doing here - oh, yeah, he's credited as Jonah Ray Rodriques. He is meeting his ex, Danielle Chaves, at a Mexican restaurant to talk about their trip to Cuba. It seems that they and a group of friends recorded a ritual that she shouldn't have, and they are the last two left alive. So one of them must be possessed by nZambi Mpungu, king of the zombies. The only thing that can kill this creature is - the Hammer of Zanzibar. This section is both gory and hilarious, especially the story of the hammer.

After all this, the police still don't believe that Ramirez must be released, even though he's managed to fritter away his 90 minutes with pointless stories. Then, what he feared shows up.

Each of these stories have different directors and different styles, but tie together very well. I was surprised by how much humor there was - most of these anthology stories have one comic section. This one has two out of four (plus the frame story). We loved the vampire story, even if it was a bit familiar. The nahual story wasn't the strongest for us, probably because it leans on a myth that we weren't familiar with. Jonah Ray's was probably the most fun, but really, all of these are strong. We recommend.