Those Darn Torpedoes!

Another movie we got from the Movies Unlimited sale was The More the Merrier (1943). Ms Spenser and I have a history with this movie. We saw it long before we started dating, at a college Film Society showing. I loved it, but she had hoped for a happy ending - where she kicks the jerk to the curb instead of marrying him.

It is set at the height of the wartime housing crisis in Washington DC. Charles Coburn is visiting to work on this crisis, and finds he can't get a hotel room. Walking through DC. looking for housing, he passes the statue of Admiral Farragut, and remembers his classic line "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" He finds that Jean Arthur is renting half of her aparrtment and bulls his way in.

There's a bit of comedy involving Artur's attempts to set up a carefully timed routine for morning baths and breakfast. But Coburn, being a busybody, wants to know why she doesn't marry a high-minded, clean-cut young man. They are in short supply in DC, what with the war, but "Damn the torpedoes".

When Arthur is out, Joel McRea comes looking for a room, and Coburn sublets half of his half to him. When Arthur discovers that she is rooming with a young man as well as an older one, she is not happy. But since McCrea is shipping out in a week, Coburn convinces her to let him stay. 

I'll leave out a lot of foolishness, and skip to the last act. Arthur has been long engaged to a boring, snooty bureaucrat, and he finds out about her roommate. Coburn convinces McCrea and Arthur that they must get married for the sake of propriety, then when he ships out in two days, they can get it annulled. He hustles them down to So. Carolina, where there's no wait for the papers. On the way back, Arthur can't stop crying. In the airport diner, soda jerk Grady Sutton (Ogg Oglivey in The Bank Dick) sighs, "Newly weds".

I don't have to tell you how the plan to wed in name only and then anull goes.

So, on our first viewing these many years ago, Ms. Spenser explained to me that she likes screwball, but doesn't consider a lovely woman like Jean Arthur marrying Joel McCrea to be a happy ending. He acted like a jerk to her the whole time, and she had to be bullied into marrying him by Coburn. She would have preferred her to dump her drippy fiance and tell McCrea to look her up when the war is over. Well, I held that it was a convention - comedies end in marriage, tragedies in funerals. But I secretly thought it was romantic. I still do, but I see her point of view. But also, I think she finds it romantic now, too. 

And of course, we both love Jean Arthur. I feel that her strength as an actress is conveying intelligence. Her fault here is overthinking, and not allowing her heart to override her brain. 

Ed. Note: This was remade as Walk, Don't Run, set at the Tokyo Olympics, and Coburn got to re-use his slogan in another movie. 

Further Ed. Note: For a shorter version of this story, see A30 in this film quiz. 

Creature Feature

Just so you know, Movies Unlimited is having a DVD sale - Thousands of DVDs for stocking stuffers: $7-$10. We made a big haul. The first one we put on was Abbott and Costello Meet the Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954).

Have I mentioned that we got the collected Abbott and Costello Meet the Monsters? And we love them? Well, this isn't really one of them. It's a Colgate Comedy Hour TV show with a short Abbott and Costello sketch at the end. It is mainly about a couple of comics doing impressions and Sonja Henie doing ice dancing. The thing is - the comics are great and Sonja is Sonja.

I can't find the comics' names (after doing a very lazy lookup), but we liked them a lot. One was older, a dry Fred Allen type. The younger one was all teeth and manic gestures - of course, the older one kept stepping on his lines. They were pretty corny, but so are we. We loved it.

The Abbott and Costello part was fun, of course. Bud and Lou go down to the prop department to get some stuff for their skits. Some of the props are spoooooky! That includes a Frankenstein monster (Glen Strange!)  and of course, the Creature. 

Well, not sure this was worth the $5-$10 we paid for it. But we got our monies worth in laughs.

Avatar: The First Water Bender

Speaking of newer movies. the library had a copy of Avatar: The Way of Water (2022). Can't say I am a big fan of the original, but I wanted to see where Cameron was going with it.

It takes place many years after the original. Sully (Sam Worthington) has settled down in his avatar with his native wife (Zoe Saldana), and they now have a big batch of Na'avi/human kids. A few Na'avi friendly scientists stayed behind, and one wild human kid, who liked to run with the Na'avi kids. The corporate army have left. But they are coming back.

The hard-ass colonel killed in the last movie (Stephen Lang) is being revived from a personality recording in a Na'avi body. Although his mission is to recover control of Pandora's resources, he has a particular hard-on for Sully.  

So there are some fights, and Sully decides his family and tribe should retreat instead of trying to fight these well armed Earthmen. So he manages to get in with a water tribe. But will he lead the fight to them? And what of the shovel-headed space whales?

OK, the whales look kind of goofy. In general, the movie looks lovely. The human/Na'avi hybrids looked a lot like humans in a lot of makeup (pink/red flesh peaking through around the eyes, etc). I assume they are entirely digital motion-capture constructs, so it must be intentional. The digital scenery is pretty but I'm not sure it's mind-blowing. I prefer Roger Dean album covers. 

Also the plot got silly in places - The kid (Jack Champion) going over to the dark side so readily, for ex. The Poseidon Adventure section where everyone is drowning, except the girl with the air bladders who isn't treating this as an emergency. But there are some great blow-em-up fight scenes, and who needs logic for that?

In the end, I didn't think this was a great movie. But as an expensive, low-brow action adventure movie, it was fine. I might not watch it again, but I bet I'll watch the sequel.

Jai Guru Deva, Miles

Without Netflix DVDs, we haven't been watching recent (-ish) movies as much. But we do have Netflix streaming (for Great British Bake-Off) and they have Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023). 

Irt starts with Spider-Gwen (voice: Hailee Stanfeild) in her own universe. She misses Miles and doesn't expect to ever see him again. Her police captain father (voice: Shea Wigham) thinks Spider-Woman is a menace and that she killed Peter Parker (she did, but he was the Lizard at the time). Then she has to fight a Leonardo da Vinci version of the Vulture. Then. two new Spider-Heroes show up: Oscar Isaac as Miguel O'Hara and Issa Rae as a black pregnant motorcycle mama. They subdue the Vulture from another universe, but Capt. Stacey discovers who Spider-Woman is. The other Spidies take her with them to the home of the League of Super-Spiders.

Sometime later, in another universe, Miles Morales (Shameik Moore) is moping around, missing Gwen. He runs into villain-of-the-week The Dot (Jason Schwartzman) - an all-white figure with hole all over his body - holes that can be removed and placed roadrunner-style on walls, etc. It turns out that he was the scientist who sent the radioactive spider... Look, never mind. Why go into detail on a villain of the week?

Then Gwen shows up! She's joined the Spider Corps and gets to travel between universes. And after a few misunderstandings, her and Miles joiun the Corps in tracking down The Human Hole. Their adventures take them to meet the Indian Spider-Man (Karran Soni), Peter B. Parker (Jake Johnson) and his Spider-Baby, and Spider-Punk (Daniel Kaluuya). They will also have to face... Their Parents!

That's all the plot we need, I think. There is a lot of plot in this movie, although there aren't as many villains as usual. Spot is a good one, I think - sort of silly, sort of funny. Sort of like Polka Dot Man from The Suicide Squad (shouldn't all Spot-based characters be played by someone who's name sounds like Dalmation?). But cosmically powerful. 

But the cool thing is the art - there are many styles, including 

• Trad comicbook with black outlines and halftone dots. There is even some 3D (?) or maybe just some misregistration
• 80s glitch style, like the old New Mutants (comic not movie). Sometimes Dot Man would be drawn as just a scribble with spiral eyes. Of course, Spider-Punk looks like something out of a punk zine - come to life.
• Paperback cover style, like Robert MacGinnis, where the background is just a few impressionistic brushstrokes. 
• There's even a Lego Spider-Man, in tribute to producers Lord and Miller.

And so on. I'm going to want to watch this again, just for that art.

I wasn't always as interested in the teen angst parts compared to the action and hi-jinks. But isn't teen angst what Spider-Man is about? Actually, that's one of the reasons I don't read much Spider-Man. But I do love the web-swinging, and this movie has that down. 

Of course, we also have to ask - too much multiverse? I guess I'll wait until the trilogy ties up in the next movie. 

Mind Like a Gin Trap

 Readers who are reading may note that my frequency of posting has slowed down a bit since Netflix DVDs folded. That is largely because we've been rewatching a lot of movies and I don't re-review when I rewatch. Maybe I should? I often re-read my blog and find that I often disagree with my previous views. But I probably won't bother. 

I also haven't been doing much in the way of cocktails, because I always make my favorite margarita, with a little passion fruit puree. But it turns out this is getting to be less and less true - I even let my tequila run out and didn't bother to buy another bottle. 

Instead I bought some gin. Now, I have a bottle of Empress, the blue gin colored with butterfly pea flower tea that turns purple if you add acids, like lime juice. I got it because it makes beautiful aviations. But then we were watching some BBC nonsense where everyone was drinking martinis. So I wanted a martini, and I don't think Empress is that good in that cocktail. 

In the shop, I looked for the cheapest legit-looking gin available. I'd usually go with Beefeater or Gordon's, but they were out. So I decided to try something called New Amsterdam.

It turns out to be pretty tasty, with a strong lean towards citrus. It would probably go well in a martini with a twist. But I didn't have a twist, or even an olive. So I threw in a pineapple chunk. It made a great garnish.

I've also been making Singapore Sling riffs with it, including a frozen version. 

I think I'll have a Park Avenue next, following up on the pineapple prompt. 

Run Silent, Run Deep Space

Silent Running (1972) is another first-seen-late movie. Ms. Spenser went to the premier with her aunt and uncle and had the poster on her wall. But I've never seen it until now. 

It's set on a spaceship in the near future. The Earth has become deforested and sterile, so three ships with bio-domes were sent out into space to preserve wildlife, to be brought back to reforest the world at a better time. The four-man crew of the Valley Forge consists of three yahoos and biologist Bruce Dern. The yahoos are ok guys who like zooming around in the ship's golf carts. Dern prefers to stay in the forests under glass and commune with nature. Then they get orders from Earth: mission's over, jettison the domes and nuke them. Come on home.

Dern is pretty upset about this. As he watches the other ships' dome blow up in the stars, the other crewmembers of his ship prepare to blow up ther domes. He finally breaks. and kills one. Then, while the rest of the crew is planting the nuclear charge, he jettisons them and blows them up. Now he's alone with the remaining dome. 

Except there are three little robot drones that he befriends. When one is destroyed, he names the others Huey and Dewey, and tells them that their missing companion is named Louie. He treats them like his young or pets - mentors them and spoils them. But he won't be able to keep the military at bay for long, and he's wounded, and so is Huey...

The first thing to know about this movie is that it was directed by Douglas Trumbull, the special effects wizard from 2001 and many others. It clearly inspired a lot of future space movies. It reminds me a lot of Dark Star, although I can't decide which way the influence runs (if there was any). DS came out after, but was an expanded versio of a short film that came out earlier. I was also reminded of Red Dwarf, especially the use of the drones. Anyway, the scenes panning across what was plainly a giant model spaceship will always bring me jpy.

The drones are another important part - their artificial humanity. I watched knowing the drones were suits being worn by legless actors, and I felt like their acting shone through the suits. 

Finally, there is Dern's impassioned ecological advocacy. It sounds both a little goofy and dated, but also absolutely sound to me. I mean, the idea of nuking our precious biological reserves just to save the rent on the spaceships that nurture them is crazy, right? I guess at the time (I was alive and aware of the ecological slow-motion crisis in 1972) it sounded pretty plain-spoken and serious. I'm not sure I could say the same for Joan Baez's theme songs. written by Peter Schickele (P.D.Q. Bach!). They were a little painful.

Shirley MacLaine is Eurasian?!?

Gambit (1966) isn't quite a movie that you won't believe I haven't seen yet. Even though it's a 60s comic heist starring Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine (just my cup of tea), I've never even heard of it. I bet I could say the same for you.

It starts in Shanghai. Michael Caine and John Abbott (in a natty mustache and goatee) are watching chorus girl Shirley MacLaine's act. He brings her to the table, and offers her a large sum for a mysterious mission. Although she is silent and aloof, we next see her in the mythical city of Dammuz. They are going to pretend to be a wealthy husband and wife, and attempt to get close to the richest man in the world, Herbert Lom. 

You see, MacLaine resembles his dead wife, who looked like a priceless and ancient bust of a princess. As Caine gains Lom's trust, and Lom falls for MacLaine's beauty, Caine will steal the bust. Throughout this all, MacLaine remains silent, haughty, graceful and elegant. The plan, with many clever ruses, works perfectly.

SPOILER - It turns out that what we have been watching for 20 minutes was just a dramatization of Caine's plan. Psych! He now proceeds to actually invite MacLaine over, and she turns out to be suspicious and chatty, rather than cold and haughty. But she does take him up on it, and they are soon in Dammuz.

Things don't go quite as planned - in particular, Lom isn't a pushover. In fact, we find out that Lom figures Caine is up to no good pretty quickly, but decides to play along. Meanwhile, MacLaine is far from the mysterious temptress of the first 20 minutes, but proves to be pretty good at this seduction game. While Caine, the gentleman burglar master thief of his exposition, turns out to be pretty amateurish.

There are a few twists and turns, but a lot of this is the Caine/MacLaine dynamic. I am not a big fan of MacLaine, but she does have a lovely little scene towards the end. She uses her lithe and flexible dancer's body to squeeze into a security cage around the bust. It's almost a special effect. 

However, I can't say this was great. The heist plot, both the original plan and the as-executed, didn't totally make sense. I guess the plan was supposed to be a little dumb. It was full of elaborate tricks that don't really amount to much. The actual heist was pretty clumsy as well, but had a few decent twists, so I can't really complain. 

I must say, I enjoyed Caine's fantasy of MacLaine as cold, imperious ice princess (I think I've repeated a few of these adjectives) more than her usual more down-to-earth Fran Kubilek. Too bad it was all a dream. 

Pronounced "Betelgeuse"

Beetlejuice (1988) is another movie missing from our watching history. Since it's Boo-tober, we figured it's time.

It starts with loving couple Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis enjoying a stay-cation in their old rambling house in a small New England village. Baldwin is spending his time in the attic, working on a model of the village and listening to Harry Belafonte sing calypso. His wife Davis is redecorating and just loving her perfect life. They run an errand in the villag, and when a dog runs across the road, they run off the picturesque covered bridge and die.

They get home, and slowly realize they are ghosts. The lack of reflections and the mysterious "Hnadbook for the Recently Deceased" clue them in. They can't leave the house because it is surrounded by a hellish desert. And the handbook is not that helpful, just a bunch of happy bureaucratic jargon.

Being dead isn't so bad, but then their house is sold and they meet the new owners. Jeffery Jones is a rich business man moving to the country for his nerves. His wife, Catherine O'Hara, is a wannabe intellectual, and a bad sculptor. Their daughter, Winona Ryder, is a goth teenager. And chubby Glen Shadix is their too-too decorator and designer. Soon the ghosts' lovely home is converted to a post-modern nightmare.

They manage to get to the waiting room for dead social services, and meet Sylvia Sidney (beloved classic film star), their cranky old case worker. She explains that they have to stay in the house for a long time and that if they want to get rid of the tenants, they'll have to haunt them out themselves. And don't try using Beetlejuice to help.

Oh yes, the titular character. He is an old ghost who makes a  living (?) haunting houses to get rid of the pesky livng. He isn't in this movie much.

Baldwin and Davis try to scare the unwelcome living away, but nobody can see them - except Ryder, who kind of likes them. So they contact Beetlejuice, who is living in the graveyard of the model town in the attic. He's a disgusting pervert, and they decide they had batter not use him. But they do learn the trick of psychic ventriloquism from him.

So when Jones and O'Hara have a dinner party for their scenester friends (including Dick Cavett!), they use the ventriloquism to make them all sing and dance calypso! This is clearly supernatural, but instead of being scared, they see a business opportunity. They can turn the twon into Ghostland! Looks like Baldwin and Davis may have to use Beetlejuice after all.

My main take-away from this late first viewing is that Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice is barely in this. That's probably for the best - he's pretty disgusting. Baldwin and Davis are adorable, which is funny considering how tart and snappish they tend to be in most roles. Jones and O'Hara are pretty funny, and not as terrible as they could be. Even the snooty decorator seems like fun. So this isn't one of those stories where you hate all the characters. But I think Ryder is the best part, with the bond she finds with her ghost friends. She's a proto-Wednesday and goth icon.