Hellboy in a Handbasket

We wanted to love Hellboy II: The Golden Army, and almost made it. It had everything that makes the Hellboy franchise so appealing:

• Elaborate, steam-punkish art direction
• A rich cast of characters with a deep backstory
• Ron Perlman's charmingly rough-edged demon with a heart

It starts out well, with a villain attacking an art auction while the Paranormal Researchers squabble and interact. There's a good set piece fighting some little nasties. Then things start to bog down. Hellboy's girlfriend, Selma Blair, isn't very solidly grounded - she is supposed to be very shy and self-conscious and have trouble controlling her flame-creating powers. Instead, she seems to have no personality or power control issues, but instead is called on to act as the standard bitch girlfriend.

Then, things seem to start dragging in general. A new character teaches Hellboy a Valuable Life Lesson that doesn't pay off in any real way. Abe Sapiens acts like a dope, and it isn't that funny - but that's partly because I don't think Barry Manilow songs are funny. By the time we get to the big fight at the end, we're a little bored and restless. The fight is good, but there are some issues of logic: The villain has a twin sister that gets hurt when he does. I guess you can figure out the twist, but a half-dozen other obvious consequences are ignored.

Well, I have to admit, I was somewhat jetlagged and might have slept through some good parts. I know I lost consciousness a few times, so maybe I missed the stuff that would tie it all together. Mrs. Spenser stayed awake for the whole thing, though, and agrees.

Oh well, I'll still watch Hellboy III if they make it.