She is Barbarian

I've had my eye on She Is Conann (2023) for a while. Love those woman barbarian movies, and this was a French art film as well. Maybe that was the problem. 

It starts in black and white (and mostly stays there). An old woman is sitting in a sort of dream beauty salon, being menaced and caresses by dog-faced man with a woman's voice and a jean jacket with the his name on it, Rainer. She is being taken to meet Queen Conann.

From her throne in a sort of dystopian grotto, she tells her story. She was a young girl who came to close the barbarian women, and their queen, Sanja, kills her mother and takes her as a slave. Conann vows revenge. Rainer introduces her to herself, 10 years older and played by a different actress. He explains that the older Conann is ready to kill Sanja right now, if younger Conann doesn't want to wait to grow up. When she agrees, older Conann kills her, and now she is the only Conann.

Her attempt at revenge on Sanja goes wrong when she starts kissing her instead. And they become a killing team, ruling the barbarian women, glorying in the gore. And every now and them, Conann meets her older self and gets killed.

For a while, Conann and Sanja live as lesbian lovers in the Bronx, 1980s, with Conann becoming a celebrity stunt woman. It's all about the style. 

Towards the end, she has become very rich, and invites a bunch of the artistic glitterati for a feast with a deal. They inherit all of her wealth if they devour all of her corpse - or almost corpse. She will be heavily anesthetized and cooked while still alive. Now, this is a bit of a spoiler, but mainly a warning. This scene goes on FOREVER. There's lots of gore previously, but in flashes. This just goes on and on. 

All of this is done in a retro-cheapo style, mostly black and white, with color sections, mainly when there's blood being shed. It's full of attitude, sexiness, and punk rock cool. Unfortunately, like in Spine of Night, there wasn't a cool punk score to enhance this. 

If this hadn't been so gore-obsessed, it might have been fun. Or maybe if any of the characters had been interesting or at least less repellent. Oh, well, you pays your money (none, got from library) and takes your chances. Won't be searching out other movies directed by Bertrand Mandico. 

Do You Tube?

This blog started out as a tribute to my Netflix queue. I wanted to feature movies I enjoyed from a particular source, available to everyone with a red-envelope subscription. That time is over. Now a lot of what I write about it the videos I get from the library, with some streaming thrown in. The sources of entertainment are now many and splintered. One thing I've been watching are YouTube concerts. 

For example, we watched Shadows and Light (1980), a video release of a Joni Mitchell concert from 1979. I saw her on this tour, at Tanglewood in Western MA. She had an incredible band, with Jaco Pastorius, Pat Metheny, Lyle Mays, Michael Brecker, Don Alias on drums, and the Persuasions singing backup. This is a super jazzy and funky band, and so is her show. Her songs here have a lot of soul, and sleaze too, with Edith and the Kingpin and Raised on Robbery. The video includes some odd inserts, like some Rebel Without a Cause, ice dancing, and some stock footage of a coyote on Coyote. I think it's the same footage Scorsese uses in The Last Waltz. Note: Jaco gets a solo where he loops himself into a frenzy. We saw him do this in a small club in the 80s.

We also watched some Little Feat, like a RockPalast show. Then we checked out this Midnight Special TV show - the whole hour hosted by Little Feat. No link because it isn't on Letterboxd and it probably won't last on YouTube. But go look for it - it includes Emmylou Harris and Bonnie Raitt (what backup singers, as well as solo acts!), Jesse Winchester (just pardoned by Carter for draft dodging), and Weather Report. It went really well with Shadows and Light. We had some soulful, funky women singing, we had some a cappella (Jesse, Emmylou and Bonnie, singing You Can't Stand Up), and some hot Jaco action.

I suppose everyone knows that there are a ton of these concerts that come and go on YouTube. We never got around to watching them, but I think we're going to be watching more now.

Hard Reign

 When it came time to watch something Ms. Spenser could ignore, I just searched JustWatch for Michelle Yeoh movies and found Reign of Assassins (2010). Good choice.

After a little exposition about a magic McGuffin (mummified body of ancient Buddhist monk - ugh), and a secret league of assassins, we find a woman assassin entering a village and killing everyone there, starting with a little kid. Pretty brutal.

She has a mentor who is about to become a monk, and he is worried about her form. It looks unbeatable, but he says there are four weaknesses, and he's afraid she will be killed if she meets a master. He trains her to overcome them, so well that she kills him in training. His last words to her are, that if this convinces her to give up killing, he would be honored to be the last one she kills.

Wracked by guilt, she tries to reform. She gets cosmetic surgery (performed by under-the-skin parasites - ugh), and now she is Michelle Yeoh. She moves to a village, meets a nice guy and marries him. But the assassins are still looking for the McGuffin, and her old enemies are still looking for her.

This movie is a nice mix of old school and a more modern style. For one thing, it's more intense, violent and gory. For another, the fight scenes are very stylish and accomplished. But it still has the good old scheming eunuchs, mysterious assassins, and old feuds. It also has a touch of Buddhism underneath that makes all the violence go down a little smoother. 

I don't think this broke new ground, but was a nice updating of the old. It was directed by Su Chiao-pin, with help from John Woo. The cast came from all over the Asian sphere, Taiwan, China, Hong Kong, and Korea. I hope they all go on to make more movies like this. 

Deadwolf? Poolverine?

As mentioned previously, Ms. Spenser was asking why I wasn't getting the good DVDs from the library. Does Deadpool & Wolverine (2024) count?

It starts with Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) begging Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) for membership in the Avengerss. He wants to prove to his girl that he has made something of himself. It does't go well.

He winds up as a badly scarred used car salesman, working for Peter (Rob Delaney), from X-Force. He's pretty bummed about how his life has turned out, although a surprise birthday party his friends throw him helps - friends including Peter, Blind Al, Colossus, Negasonic Teenage Warhead and her kawaii girlfriend, etc. But a sparkly circle appears and he is whisked off to the Temporal Variance Agency.

Fortunately, we watched the Loki show, and we understood this bit. 

Agent Matthew MacFadyen wants to enlist Deadpool into the sacred timeline - although not as "Marvel Jesus" as he assumes. He explains that Deadpool's timeline is going to evaporate, because the anchor, Logan, is dead. There's a bit more exposition, but Deadpool figures he can just bring Wolverine back to the timeline, so he steals a timeline switcher gizmo, and takes off.

First, he finds out that Logan really is dead, and has a massive fight against a TVA squad using his unobtainium bones. Then he goes hunting timelines for a living Wolverine. He finds the comics accurate short Logan and a bunch more, and finally a drunk Logan (Hugh Jackman) in bar. This Logan is in disgrace because he failed to save tbe X-Men of this world. 

When he gets this Wolverine back to the TVA, MacFadyen explains that you can't just replace an anchor like that. And Wolverine figures out that MacFadyen is up to something shady, so MacFadyen sends them to the Void, a timeline outside time.

There they meet a number of "orphaned" superheroes, starting with Chris Evans as, of course, Johnny Storm. They also meet the evil ruler of the Void, Cassandra Nova (Emma Corrin), a nice looking bald lady who is Charles Xavier's twin sister. She can manipulate reality, and likes to run her fingers through your brain. And she has a whole bunch of evil mutants to hang with.

Our heroes find some other helpers: X-32 (Dafne Keene, grown up a bit), Blade (Wesley Snipes, still cool as hell), Elektra (Jennifer Garner), and Tatum Channing as Gambit - at last. Too bad no one can understand his accent. 

Strangely, this is all very reminiscent of Quantumania. Strangely not because it would mean Marvel is plagiarizing itself - it does that all the time. Strangely because that movie bombed, and because it sets up the now-cancelled Kang story arc. In fact, that was a lot of what Loki was about. I'm guessing mid-stream rewrites.

This isn't my favorite Deadpool movie - Reynolds' schtick is getting a little old. Also, I think we can all agree that Marvel is leaning too hard on the multiverse. But I did like the whole "Island of Misfit Superheroes" thing. Like in Multiverse of Madness and the Illuminati, we get to see some beloved or at least dimly remembered characters, played by the actors that fans have been longing for (like Gambit) or not (Johnny Storm). I suppose that means this is the last we'll see of them. 

No Country for Old Twisters

We liked the original well enough, but weren't really excited about Twisters (2024). But it showed up at the library, and it does have a Paul Scheer cameo...

It starts with Daisy Edgar-Jones and her college colleagues out storm chasing with a plan to stop tornadoes. It doesn't work and everyone gets killed, besides her and Anthony Ramos. She was hiding under an overpass, and the drone shot shows the path of destruction: The tornado's path was through fields, away from roads, and straight for the overpass. I'm beginning to think it's personal for these guys. 

Edgar-Jones retires from storm chasing, and goes to work at a DC weather bureau. But she gets a call from Ramos who has gotten funding for a new trial, and wants her to join. He talks her into a one-week jaunt. 

Back in the wide open country of Oklahoma, they get to chasing, but are almost run off the road by a bunch of YouTube yahoos in boosted pickups. The head of that crew is Glen Powell, an energy-drink guzzling, shit-talking macho man. It took a long time for me to realize that he was going to be the male lead of this dumb movie. 

So that's the setup: Edgar-Jones has a tornado super-sense, PTSD and a grudge. Ramos has the backing of a shady insurance company and a crush on Edgar-Jones. Powell and his gang of knuckleheads like taking extreme chances, but are doing it all to help the poor citizens who are threatened by these twisters. It is a bit icky.

The original was a silly bit of fun, but it felt more coherent and focused. The new one seemed more scattered, looking for random audience-pleasing beats (just the beats, please) and references to the first one. But there were no flying cows in this.

But the twister effects are cool, so there is that. But the original had twin twisters (and so should have been called Twisters), so shouldn't there have been at least four twisters in this one?

Ms. Spenser recognized Scheer before I did. It's a cute role, but maybe not worth watching a whole movie for. 

Get Stuffed

I guess I was looking for concert films, but due to poor filtering and hard luck, I picked How to Stuff a Wild Bikini (1965). I've seen it described as the worst of the Beach Blanket movies, but I've seen the same for all of them. 

It starts in Tahiti, where Frankie Avalon is serving his Army reserve commitment - and being served grapes by a sweet native girl, Bobbi Shaw. He refuses to get heavy with her, because he is true (-ish) to his girl at home, Annette Funicello. She tells him that Annette is probably dallying the same way he is, and takes him to see the witch doctor, Bwana - Buster Keaton.

In exchange for "torpedo squeezings", Buster promises to keep an eye on Annette, and send a beautiful girl to keep all the boys' attention off of her. He then faces the camera and says, "That's all the plot you'll get out of me."

Back on the beach, as a pelican (inhabited by Keaton?) watches Annette, and an empty bikini sashays along. The bikini is soon filled by Beverly Adams, and all the boys go cuckoo over her. That includes Mickey Rooney as the bowler-hatted motorcycle company exec. He wants to use Adams in an ad campaign. His assistant, Dwayne Hickman, however, is more interested in Annette.

And that's all the plot you'll get out of me.

But I should mention that Harvey Lembeck as bike-gang leader Eric von Zipper is present with his crew of Rats (and their girls, the Mice). Brian Donleavy is Mickey Rooney's boss. The Kingsmen play a song that isn't "Louie Louie" and do a number with Funicello. I must also note that all of the songs stink. 

But I love Harvey Lembeck as von Zipper. Keaton's Bwana role isn't great, although it has an odd tiki feel. I don't think he was very impressed by it, but a paycheck is a paycheck.

There are probably worse examples of the Beach Party genre out there. And I'll probably find out. 

Tiny Dancer

I wasn't too sure about Abigail (2024). I knew it was about a gang that kidnaps a little girl and finds that they have bitten off more than they could chew. But I hadn't been too impressed by Becky, so I kept expectations low. I needn't have worried. 

It starts with a gang of professional crooks kidnapping Abigail (Alisha Weir), a little rich girl and ballerina. They take her to a secluded mansion (Wilhelm Mansion, what a scream!) where Giancarlo Esposito explains that he will be getting a ransom for her in 24 hours. They've just got to keep her in the mansion until then and they can split $50 million.

Melissa Barrera is tasked with babysitting the girl, who she tries to treat tenderly. Abigail seems to be very frightened, but also apologizes to Barrera for what is going to happen.

There's a great scene where the gang sits around getting to know each other. They are all using aliases, and not letting anyone know about their backgrounds, for security purposes. But Dan Stevens tries to sum up their roles, and Barrera calls him the least perceptive person she's ever met. Stevens challenges her to guess one true thing about him - and she does, going around the room and cold-reading everyone. It's a nice way to introduce the characters. 

Things start to unravel when they find out that the girl's father is a vicious crime lord, with a mysterious enforcer. And then they start getting killed, starting with the most obnoxious, etc. It isn't much of a secret that the girl is actually an ancient vampire, and also the mysterious enforcer. And everyone is locked in the mansion. And maybe they didn't kidnap the girl, maybe it was arranged so she could feed.

The characters in this were lots of fun, particularly Kevin Durand. He plays a big dumb bruiser, both vicious and lovable. I guess he's been around for awhile, and now he's become a fave.

There's plenty of low-key comedy in this, like Abigail killing with balletic leaps. It ends with the last survivor leaving the mansion mouthing "What the fuck?", an apt summation.

This was directed by Bettinelli-Olpin and Gillett, who have done a bunch of horror or comedy/horror, like the 2022 Scream. We should probably watch those - they might be fun.