Tall Tales

I don’t remember what prompted me to queue up Tale of Tales (2016). I had the vague idea that is was related to Tarsem Singh, although it was actually directed by Italian Matteo Garrone. But it was still very Tarsemesque.

The movie is a mix of fairy tales, but the old version, with the warts on. It starts with Salma Hayek as a queen who is torn up that she can’t conceive. A necromancer tells her to eat the heart of a sea monster, but to beware, for the life must be paid for in death. The king (John C. Reilly!) goes forth the slay the monster, and is killed himself, but at least he gets the heart. The scullery maid who cooks it gets a whiff of the steam, and instantly conceives. Then Hayek tucks in and she also conceives - and they both give birth almost instantly.

We move on to the story of a king (Vincent Cassells) who spends all his time carousing with low women. He hears a woman singing and decides to bed her - not realizing that she is an aged laundress who works with her equally old sister. She tries to sleep with him in the darkness, but he sees that she is ancient and throws her from the castle (which is on a great cliff).

Then we meet sweet Bebe Cave, a princess playing a lute composition for her father, the king (Toby Jones). But he isn’t paying any attention - he is playing with a flea that he spotted. He continues to neglect his daughter and feeds the flea until it is as big a large dog.

Then we go back to Hayek's son, an albino who is identical to the son of the scullery maid. They form a deep friendship, which Hayek hates, because the other boy is common, and because he is a reminder of their unnatural conception. So the maid's boy leaves, but promises the prince that if he is ever in trouble, a spring at the root of a certain tree would run muddy.

Then we find the laundress has not died in the fall, but found by a fairy, who turns her young. The king finds her and falls in love, but her sister is still old. Also, the neglected daughter is married off to an ogre. And the common boy is lost and the prince runs off to find him. And so on.

These stories don't come together at any point, except everyone involved meets at a wedding at the end. What holds them together is their weirdness and the beautiful scenery. That castle on the overhanging cliff that looks like CGI? Real castle: Castello di Roccascalegna. The same with the other castles, mazes, grottoes, etc. I guess that's why reminded someone of Tarsem Singh.

I enjoyed this, but wasn't as enchanted as with the two much lower budget fairy tale movies we've seen recently: Valerie and Her Week of Wonders and The Company of Wolves. Like this movie, neither of these has a linear story, but they have a consistent point of view, and have a point - in both cases, about a girl growing up. This movie has many things to say, but no overall point. Just tall tales.