Cranky

Crank has got one of the most brilliant concepts for an action movie EVAR: Jason Statham - no wait, it gets better! - can't slow down or he will DIE! It's like Speed except without the bus.

Chev Chelios (Statham) wakes up feeling very bad. A DVD labeled "FUCK YOU" explains: A gangster upset because hitman Chelios killed his boss has injected him with a Chinese poison (unfortunately not the "luminous poison" of D.O.A) that will stop his heart in about an hour. Statham sets out to find said gangster and get the antidote and/or vengeance. He soon finds out that whenever he calms down, he starts to get woozy. Only by keeping his adrenaline pumping can he hold the poison at bay.

The movie is filmed in a hyper-real and somewhat silly way. We see weird visual distortions when the poison takes effect, and we get shots like a Google Map zoom with one apartment labeled "Scumbag's apartment". When Chelios' doctor tells him he needs epinephrine, man, the movie helpfully shows the subtitle "e*pi*neph*rine, man". Of course, Chelios immediately forgets it, and asks a pharmacist for that stuff that starts with "e". He should have read the subtitles.

Chev Chelios (gotta love the name) is very different from Frank Martin of the Transporter franchise. He's dumber, doesn't live by a set of rules, or wear a tie. But he is still permanently pissed off and definitely doing something about it. Lots of violence, carried out swiftly and decisively.

Also quite a bit of raunch - Chelios tries public sex to get his heart pumping. This leads to a very silly bit where some Japanese schoolgirls save the day. Not for the easily offended - or even those capable of offense.

Anyway, in the end, he dies - oops, SPOILER. I'm looking forward to the sequel, Crank: High Voltage.